


More Dangerous Liaisons

by chains_archivist



Series: Dangerous Liaisons By Christine Hagar [2]
Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Boys in Chains, Duotorture, M/M, Rape, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-17 21:58:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 64,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3545240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chains_archivist/pseuds/chains_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the direct sequel to Dangerous Liaisons. Duo has survived the war, but after having lost his love and being tortured by Zechs, is survival worth it's price? Although, he desires nothing but to be left in peace, neither old friends, and enemies will not allow him to forget the past.</p><p>By Christine Hagar</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Dusk, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Boys in Chains](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Boys_in_Chains), which opened in 2000 as a multifandom archive for both fiction and art, but then sadly went offline in 2005. To bring the archive back, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2014. Open Doors [posted an announcement](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/1832) and e-mailed all creators about the move, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this [author/artist], please [contact the Open Doors committee](http://transformativeworks.org/contact/open%20doors).

The town was a small one. It was nestled among the hills and kept to themselves. Their small town values, their community, their traditional way of life. They knew that the war was over and celebrated accordingly, even though it never touched their lives in a major way. Occasionally one of the youngsters would go off to the big city, not interested in their small world anymore. The townsfolk were so busy celebrating and admiring the shooting stars that were falling, they didn't notice that one of them had fallen into their lake. Or the small figure that painfully made his way to shore, wet and stumbling. He made his way to a quiet cabin, a small affair with a few rooms and a loft with a feather bed and silk sheets.

After letting himself in, the figure collapsed in the middle of the floor, barely staying awake long enough to peel himself out of his wet clothes. Not bothering to dry either his hair or his body off, he curled up in a sleeping bag that had been left there, to sleep. To heal. To wait.

Duo slept the next three days through, not bothering to move. He didn't care that the Earth and the Colonies celebrated wildly. He didn't care that Wufei and Heero were frantically looked for him and Trowa was taking care of Quatre who had finally collapsed from the injuries that Dorothy had given him in their duel. Relena quietly asked that the other pilots didn't look for him, leading to a huge fight between them.

"Heero. If he wanted to be found, he would have stayed. I think he just wants to be alone now. Treize and he loved each other a lot." Relena tried to explain as Heero frantically tried to trace the location of Shinigami.

"Relena, do not meddle in our business. Duo needs to be found." Heero growled at her, annoyed that she was still bothering them. Didn't she have a life now that the war was over? He was staring at the screen of his laptop, not even bothering to look at her.

"Why? So Wufei can ask forgiveness? So that he would feel better? Duo wants to be alone. Do not ask me why. It's not like any of you were close to him." Relena snapped back at him. _He's so fragile now. If he wanted your help he would have stayed. But he didn't, let him be._

"Woman!" Wufei snarled. _What aren't you telling us. What other secrets are you hiding perfidious woman?_

"What?!" she screamed back, annoyed at his lack of understanding. "He got me out of the Libra. He saved me. I owe him. and I'm going to pay him back by telling you people to leave him alone. Let him mourn. We all need it. I know that he's not that only person to lose someone, I lost my brother, not that I really knew him. Une lost a lot with Treize's death too. Just leave Duo alone. He'll come back when he can."

Duo was awoken to the sound of screaming laughter. He peered out the window, noticing that a group of teenagers were on the beach, swimming. Duo watched silently for a moment, envying them their ignorance and their innocence. He went back the room that he was sleeping in. He was too tired still to clean himself up and take care of himself. Everything still hurt. He shifted to find a more comfortable spot, whimpering when abused flesh protested the pressure of his body. There wasn't any such thing as a comfortable spot.

But even though the pain he fell back into sleep, hoping that the next time that he woke up he would feel better. He couldn't stay awake any longer, he was so tired. That was the pattern for him for the next few weeks. Sleep, wander around the cabin and drink something, fall back to sleep. He bandaged his wounds and marveled at the fact that they didn't get that infected. After a while he would drink some broth, but stayed away from food. He still hurt, but didn't want to go back to civilization. He didn't want anyone to know what happened to him. Not Sally, not Une or Relena or the rest of the pilots. No one.

He still hoped that T-chan would show up. That he had cheated the Maxwell curse. That Wufei had failed. Each time he woke up, it was harder to hope. Soon he was taking pills to sleep more, to pass hours and days in dreamless slumber. No dreams, no memories, nothing to haunt him. Sleep was wonderful and heavenly and he hated being awake.

Awake was bad, he'd remember. Remember Zechs burning and cutting him. Remember the taste and smell of those men. Remember that T-chan was dead. That they wouldn't cuddle again, they wouldn't curl up together, whispering things to each other under the cover of music so that their audience wouldn' t hear the soft words that they had for each other. T-chan was gone and it had been so close. It hurt so much to be left behind again.

Duo finally realized what he was doing when he couldn't remember the last time that he ate. Sometime before he was captured by Zechs. He been drinking a lot of water and worked his way through some of the canned broth that had been left there, a miracle that it was still good, but couldn't remember when he had eaten something solid. This made him nervous and he sat down and coldly debated the question of whether he wanted to survive without T-chan.

 _So, Duo want to self destruct?_ he asked himself. _You got a knife. Same one that Zechs used on you. You got a gun too. No one would know. They'd just find you out here. If they found you out here. No name, no ID, nothing._

 _That's the coward's way out!_ he argued back with himself. _You could have pulled that anytime during the last two years. No problem. Killed on a mission, no one would have know the difference or cared._

_Quatre would have. May be Trowa and Wufei. Heero only if it inconvenienced the mission. And T-chan._

_T-chan, It does come down to him, doesn't it. You told Zechs that you didn' t care, so long as he survived. Were you lying?_

_He didn't survive. And I barely did. Zechs was right. I am a rotten kid. Good kids die young, eaten up by the system or life. Rotten kids like me survive everything. Gang Rapes. Torture. Killing innocent civies and soldiers alike, just because I was told to. I've whored, stolen and tortured people. I didn't deserve T-chan._

_He wasn't much better, was he? The dirty dealings, the sneak attacks and you can't forget the destruction of the Federation Doves, he did maneuver Heero into that one neatly. You were made for each other._

_We were, weren't we? Two cynics thrown together because of what they had been, and what they had become. Falling in love just snuck up on the both of us. I didn't expect it. I was pathetically grateful that he was willing to have me. He was too busy trying to figure out the real reason I was there. Then we just clicked. Was it Boston, when we could relax together? Or later when he became my lifeline in the ocean of blood I was slowly drowning in? And I was the only person that he could trust to think straight around him? No lies, no plots-just two scared people that were pretending to be sane and normal._

_You can continue the way you were going, just take some more pills and don' t bother to wake up. They'll slowly forget and you won't be left behind again. You'll be the one leaving for once. And then you can find T-chan and try the happy ever after in the Afterlife. That is if you get him, he does have Zechs. He might not want you again. You are a pathetic thing that couldn't die in battle, but had to cheat with pills or a gun or a knife._

_He loved you Duo. T-chan loved you. And as much as he would rather see you again, he'd rather it be after you've learned who you are. That you learned to think beyond the next day or two weeks. That you learn that a long term plan meant years in the future, not dinner the next day. He'd want you to experience life, not death. He'd want to see you when you could look him in the eyes because you've grown. That you can sleep though the night without drugs or nightmares. T-chan wanted you to live. So live. You can always kill yourself later._

Duo listened to the arguments in his head and cried. A lot all the tears that he couldn't shed earlier just came out now. Crying himself to sleep, he decided that he would try and survive, at least for now. He'd wash up and dress himself, the next time that he woke up. Fix his hair and head into town for supplies. It wasn't far. He could move without too much hurting. He had money, he always stashed some with him. He just had to activate a bank account here when he needed more. One of the ones that no one knew about. And he'd wait. And find out who he was supposed to be. T-chan would have liked that.


	2. Part 1

Duo walked slowly into town. It was a couple of kilometers hike and he wasn't in the best shape to begin with. He small period of semi-starvation hadn't been helped by the fact that he had been badly injured by Zechs on the Libra before it had been blown back to hell. He managed to get back to the cabin that he had bought for himself and T-chan to settle in after the war, but now there was no T-chan to settle with. Died at Wufei's hand during the last battle, finishing off their absurd duel. And it hurt much to be left behind again. Solo, Father Maxwell, Sister Helen, and his parents, whoever they were, people were always leaving him and it hurt so much.

Duo walked slowly, not wanting to rip anything open again. Some of his wounds were still a little raw, Zechs had tried his hand at skinning him and the skin was growing back slowly. Even if they had opened again, the bleeding wouldn't show because he was wearing his customary black outfit, even if it was hanging off him like it belonged to his big brother.

It was nice to be on Earth again, may be he'd study something about all the plants and stuff that was growing around him. L2 didn't have anything like this, they were still under a water ban, and plants were a luxury item. That's why he thought they were such a treat and liked them. It was weird to see stuff just growing because it had rained the night before. And it was real rain, not that recycled crap that was metallic and nasty.

Duo promised himself that if he had the energy on the way back, he would jump into a few puddles. He walked slowly, hoped that there was someplace that he could buy food, contact Une and get some things straightened out. He 'd activate an accounts and start to furnish the cabin. He didn't need much, just some more pots and pans, a bed. He wasn't going to use the one that was in the loft. He was still hiding from his memories.

Duo was glad that he had managed to get into town without passing out or ripping anything open. He might even stop and get something to eat after he contacted Une and tried to get financial things up and running. If not, he had some money and he could get food at least. He scanned the place, more out of habit then anything else. It was small, a couple of shops. An ice cream parlor. A breakfast place. 'Mama's Home Cookin'. Fire and police department out of the same building. And nothing looked like it had been touched in a couple of decades, if not longer. This town seemed smaller then some of Quatre's family's places. That was very odd.

Duo walked to a building that he thought he might be able to use a public phone in and headed towards it. He wondered if Une was still using the same phone number. If she was actually alive. If not he was pretty sure that Relena was running about, he could call her as the next choice. He went inside, glad that he found what he was looking for and headed over to a station.

Duo went in, sat down gratefully and inserted his phone card. He tapped in Une's number and hoped that it was still in use. He waited as the machine chirped at him, trying to contact Une. After a few endless seconds, the connection was made. Duo held his breath and hoped that he could make it though this conversation. He had bolted like a coward instead of trying to help Une through her grief. He had run away and while he had a damn good reason for it, but it still hurt.

"Hello" came the sleepy voice on the other end.

" 'Neesan," Duo started in very small voice, "I'm sorry."

"Duo?! Thank god you're safe. Where are you?" Une's voice sounded very awake now and Duo could hear Relena in the background.

"I don't want to tell you." Duo said quietly.

"Duo." Une said softy, "It's not your fault."

"I don't want to talk to anyone. I can't talk to anyone, okay?"

"Where are you? Just in case." Une asked again.

Duo sighed and gave in. She would bug him until he told her. She was persistent that way. "That small cabin that T-chan found. By the way, you own it now." Duo said.

"Thank you, I think. And when did I buy this?" Une asked amusement coloring her voice, warring with relief that Duo was safe.

"A couple a months ago. After I left T-chan, just before." _I was dragged away by Wufei and nearly broke his heart. It started to really snowball then._

"I only asked in case someone called. I understand that you couldn't use your name or his." Une sounded sad for a second, and then took a deep breath. "I know that you don't want to see me. Or anyone. Relena explained what happened, Do you want to talk to her?"

"NO!" Duo almost shouted and then calmed down. He couldn't afford to have attention drawn to him. "I can't. Tell her that I'm not mad at her, just feeling really stupid, I should have asked spandex boy to go."

"That is neither here nor there Duo. It's not your fault." Une reassured him. _Duo you didn't think that he would be that bad. Or that you would get caught. And you paid for it._

"I just want to be for a while, ya know." Duo said. _I don't want you to see me. I look like hell. I feel worthless and I'm still borderline on thinking that life is worth living._

"I'm going into bossy big sister mode for a second, "Une warned him. "You have to go to Cologne. Treize-sama left a will. You should know the details. Just make an appointment with his lawyer and talk to him. You don't have to see anyone else. And I'm going to send you some things. I've had the chance to sort through his possessions. Relena was a big help there, and there are things that I think you should have. I'm shipping them to you."

"Okay, 'Neesan." Duo agreed tiredly. He couldn't argue with her. He was too drained.

"The name of the law firm will be in the package. Where are you calling from? That place had no phone."

"Small town near the cabin. I walked to it." Duo mumbled. "I have to go now, but I will talk to you later. And thanks for not turning on the vid,"

"It's three in the morning and I'm in the buff. I don't think you wanted to see that." Une responded tartly. _What don't you want me to see? Relena said that you looked a little beat up, but not bad. But Zechs was mad and god knows what he did to you._

"Bye 'Neesan. I'll call when the package comes." Duo said, before turning off the machine and retrieving his card. He was tired and he wanted to see what he could find to eat in this place. Not that he could eat much, just he needed something now. This was the most active he'd been in a month.

Duo went to Mama's and asked for a booth in the corner. It was habit more then anything. But he liked see who came in and it had saved his ass more then once. He was comfortably settled with a menu and was debating what he wanted besides coffee, when the sheriff came in. He stared at him for a moment, while he was waiting for his coffee, then joked with the staff and then left. But he noticed Duo. And noticed that he didn't belong. Duo fought the urge to run. He had a legitimate reason to be here. No one wanted him for anything. He had every right to sit here and eat. So why did he feel like running?

Duo's paranoid debate was interrupted by the waitress that looked at him strangely when he asked for a coffee. Duo sighed and looked at her flirtatiously, hiding behind his mask, "I swear, I'm sixteen. I'm old enough to have coffee. Could I also have a couple of eggs, scrambled and toast?"

"Sure honey-child. But the coffee stunt ya growth." she answered.

"Growth and me are still trying to find each other," Duo answered, batting his eyelashes at her. She was on the wrong side of forty, but he used to enjoy flirting. He wasn't going to let Zechs's treatment of him stop that. And she was safe. "If you find an order of that in the kitchen I'll take it too."

"I'll give you a double helping of that. You look like ya need it." Was her parting shot as she wandered off to get his coffee and place his order. She returned to pour him his coffee and 't'sked' at him when he took it black.

After a few minutes his order was ready and she served him.

Duo ate slowly, hoping that he wouldn't throw up the first solid food that he'd had in a while. It was bland enough to stay down and the coffee was good too. After he finished, he debated about transferring accounts, but decided that he had enough. He'd do that when he hit Cologne. If he went. He still didn't know. But his short term goal was to get some groceries and then get home. The coffee was giving him some energy, he should take advantage of it. Duo noticed that her eyes widened a little when he paid, like she wasn't expecting him to have money. He almost smiled at that, but stopped. He didn't look that bad did he? He had been avoiding looking in the windows, afraid of what he would see, Hell he had thrown a towel over the one mirror in the bathroom. But the bruises felt that they had faded, so he should look normal.

Duo hit what he thought was a grocery store next. He was glad that it was a little Mom and Pop place that sold everything and not one of those big chains. He was afraid that he would fall back into his old habits too easily if it was one of those. All he need now was to get stopped for lifting something, that would be bad. Duo pushed open the door and was hit by the smell of fresh baked goods. He felt almost hungry for a second, even with all that he ate. May be he could grab a pie or something, along with all the stuff that he was planning on picking up. Nothing that needed refrigeration, he wasn't sure if it worked at the cabin or if he had the tools to fix it.

He knew the stove worked, so he could cook. He'd stick to soup, it was easy, tasty and he could keep it going all the time.

Duo wandered up and down the aisles, slowly putting vegetables into his basket, adding a few cans and some milk, it was treated so that it would keep until he opened it and then he'd just drink it all at once. He noticed that he had picked up a shadow halfway through his little trip through the store. He thought it was the owner, or at least someone that was willing to make sure that he wasn't going to walk out with the store stuffed under his shirt. He grabbed what he thought he could carry and went up to pay for his groceries.

His shadow disappeared then, only to pop up when he was paying for his groceries. He studied him out of the corner of his eye, he was tall, built and looked like trouble. The guy didn't notice him watching him, but Duo was sure that his shadow was what was making the clerk nervous. Duo ignored the two of them and just took his change, not even bothering to ask about a where the nice smell was coming from, he'd get it next time. He forced himself to walk slowly to the door, balancing his bags easily, They weren't be too heavy for the walk back. As soon as he got outside, the guy made his move. He moved in front of him, blocking his way down the steps and back to where he could hide.

"Hey, pretty girl, whatcha doing here? My name is Roger and I'm the man of your dreams." he said, trying to look seductive and failing miserably.

"I'm a guy and I'm not interested." Duo said quietly, trying not to back off. Roger was invading his personal space big time and he just wanted to get away.

"You're too pretty to be a guy. I know you're a girl. Have to be with that hair and those eyes." Roger persisted.

"I'm a guy. Go away. Don't bug me." Duo repeated slowly, implying that Roger was mentally retarded for persisting bothering him, It stopped him from screaming it and drawing more attention to himself.

Roger reached out to grab him and Duo side stepped the movement and kicked Roger in the ass to drive him further off balance. Duo then started walking very fast to the edge of town, hoping the Roger wouldn't follow up. He had embarrassed him, but there were no witnesses, so he hoped that the idiot would just let things die. He was startled to find that he was shaking badly and just wanted to sit down. God Zechs really screwed him over if his was panicking over the village idiot hitting on him, Before he would have just laughed it off.

Duo was halfway back when he noticed the sheriff's car pulling up behind him and stopping. Duo stopped walking and turned around to face this new challenge. He wondered what the problem was. He watched while the sheriff climbed out of his car and walked towards him. Duo fought the urge to bolt, he had a no one after him, and he wasn't a terrorist anymore. Duo just waited until the guy introduced himself. Forcing his heart to beat slowly and not to hyperventilate.

"I'm the sheriff, name's Ian. Saw you at Mama's. You're not from around here, are you boy?"

Duo almost laughed at the slight questioning note on the boy part. Hell he hadn't had this much trouble in years about his sex. _I guess that I'm really in the boonies now._

"I'm Duo," he replied, pasting a big grin on his face, "I'm staying around here for a little while."

"Where your parents?"

"Gone." Duo replied shortly. He sighed and forced himself to relax, You don't piss off the local law enforcement. "I'm sorry. They're dead. I'm on my own."

"You don't look sixteen." Ian remarked thoughtfully, taking in the bags under his eyes, the too big clothes, and the general wasted look that he had. Kid looked like he'd been through the ringer. And he knew how to handle himself too. Ian had been watching that little show that Roger had put on. Roger just didn't know when to stop. And Ian thought that this little thing could have cleaned his clock, but stopped, using enough force just to get out of there.

"How old do I look?" Duo asked, alarms going off in his head. The waitress at Mama's had been the only person that he'd told that too. She must have talked to him after he left.

"Twelve." Ian replied shortly. "Where you staying?" The only place that was out this way was that abandoned just got bought by someone after sitting empty for years. Whole thing had been done through proxies too. Really strange. Kept them entertained for weeks on the gossip, wondering who had bought it. Place had been abandoned for years, state had given up on trying to sell it even. Poor access, not very big, huge acreage that you couldn't do anything with. Person must have been nuts.

"Cabin out this way." Duo replied carefully. "Owner knows I'm staying there. She's a friend," _Sort of. I got the man she wanted, even though she likes girls more it seems. And we both tried to protect him and it failed._

"Just be careful out there. Roger's too dumb for his own good, but he's got friends." Ian warned. _He could be lying, but I don't think so, its too easy to check out. Which I'm going to do when I get back._

"Been on my own for a while. And Roger doesn't know where I am. He'll bug me in town." Duo replied, turning to continue his hike back to the cabin. He had few puddles to splash through.

 

* * *

 

Ian drove back into town, shaking his head and wondering where the heck that little kid was from. He claimed to be sixteen, but Ian doubted it. He looked smaller then his Claudia and she had just turning seventeen. Her boyfriend Tony could make two of him. But the kid's eyes were old. Too old and too big for his face, like he'd seen too much. If he'd been out on his own it might be true. Ian sighed. He hoped that the kid wouldn't be trouble. He seemed to handle himself okay. He might just fit in to their small town.

He was happy that his musing took him back to office before the clerk left for her lunch. She probably let him have the information that he needed, no problem. They'd gone to the prom together about twenty years ago.

"Hi Jenny, sweetheart, could you get me the information on who bought that place out by the lake?" Ian asked, smiling at her.

Jenny giggled like she was still seventeen and not the mother of three boys, all of whom where bigger then her. Her middle boy Tony was dating his Claudia. "I'm not supposed to but if I leave it out on my desk, it shouldn't be my fault. Just wander by a about ten minutes with a cup of coffee for me."

"Jenny I knew that I could count on you. I wouldn't ask if it weren't important."

"It's about that little kid that ate at Mama's this morning?" Jenny asked.

"He didn't look like he could pay for it but he did and left a pretty good tip. Then he hit the store for fresh vegetables and some other stuff."

"And you know that how?" Ian asked, smiling at her.

"Rosy talked to me," Jenny said, referring to the waitress in question and he made a phone call on the public 'phone before he ate breakfast."

"Mama was going to feed him, whether he had money or not." Ian smiled. Mama was a softie, she fed stray cats, people, and took care of lost children.

The kid looked like he fit into the last two categories.

"Mama was going to drag him home if she could. Said that he looked like he needed it. But he skittered away before she could say something."

"He can take care of himself. Handled Roger okay."

"You should do something about him. As he get older he gets worse. And someone's gonna get hurt. He don't bother Claudia because he's afraid of you and Tony, but everyone else is fair game." Jenny said in disgust.

"Roger, besides being an ass, hasn't done anything that I can hold him for. Just knows when to stop. And his father has pull."

"Humph" Jenny fumed, waving Ian away so she could get to work on his request.

It was easy to look up. Only sale that had happened in the area in the last year. Handled solely through lawyers, the name on the deed for the new owner was Lady Une Stemper. Address that was given was a military one, probably changed since the sale, since the war ended. Ian would just have to track down the woman on his own. It would give him something to do besides flirt with her. Her husband just didn't understand that they weren't going to sneak away and have a fling. They'd been more like brother and sister when they were dating then anything else. Flirting with each other was an old habit. Ian's wife had been gone a while, killed in an accident years ago.

Ian returned with her coffee and snagged the piece of paper with the information on it, while she was opening her coffee. It was a nice legal fiction that he actually didn't get it from her. Ian smiled his thanks and wandered back to his office looking forward to a few hours of doing so 'real ' police work. Around here it was mostly small time problems that took care of themselves. He was just here in case something ever happened, not that it ever did. He liked it that way.

Ian hummed to himself as he slowly traced down the mysterious woman that bought that cabin. Was she old? Blonde? Red head? What did she do in the military? These idle questions were passing through his mind as he tracked her down to Luxembourg. If it was the same person, she had an apartment there and worked in Preventer Head Quarters. Ian calculated the time difference and decided to call her in a few hours, just when she got to work. And he hoped that the kid was telling the truth, he didn't want to drag him into jail.

 

* * *

 

Une had been working on her latest budget when the phone chirped for her attention. She sighed and put down what she was working on, glad for the distraction. This part of her life hadn't changed a bit.

"Preventer Head Quarter's, Lady Une, may I help you?" she asked.

"This is Sheriff Ian McKay out of Middlebury, you own property out here. You 're the owner of record for that ol' place down by the lake."

"Sheriff, if you are referring to the property that was purchased a couple of months ago, I am on record as the owner. Is there a problem?" _You sound like a good old boy and I don't trust you. Too American. But if Duo wants to hide out there I can't stop him._

"Well. Ma'am," Ian hesitated, this one sounded tough. Like she'd eat nails for breakfast. He didn't want to get her mad at the kid. "There's a boy that 's claimin' that he can stay there. And you know him."

"I know him. He's a friend. His name is Duo. Little, with a big braid and eyes?" Une said softly, her eyes distant. _We were friends, odd as that seemed. He tried to spoil me on the occasions that I'd allow it. The night.._

"So he can stay?" Ian asked hopefully, glad that the description matched.

"He's not in trouble." _No last name. What is it with you people and that? What are you hiding?_

"No he isn't," Une reassured Ian with a smile, forgetting he couldn't see her. The Vid wasn't working on his end. "I am actually glad that you called. I know that this is not your problem or your area of expertise, but could you recommend to me someone to put in a phone out there for him. Check to see if everything is working. I worry that he's out there. You can send the bill here." _Duo won't like it, but I will not let him be uncomfortable and out of touch out there!_

"Including a locksmith, so he won't have to break in and out of there?" Ian asked chuckling.

Une joined in with his laughter. "I never got a set of keys, so I suppose so."

"Anything else Ma'am?" Ian asked.

" Will you watch out for Duo? He's a good boy. Just going through some problems." Une said quietly before shutting down on her end. _His lover killed by a friend. Tortured by his lover's ex. And the only one that seems to care is the woman that wanted your lover and was ready to shoot you to get him, until I saw that you made Treize laugh. And orders or not, you cared. He needed you more then he needed me. I learned to live with it, because you were willing to share and you wanted to protect him too._

 

* * *

 

Duo was awoken to the sound of someone pounding on his door, a few days later. He grabbed his gun instinctively and then relaxed. No one was that dumb as to make that much noise if they were going to try something. He checked to see if his clothes covered everything icky, shoved the gun in to the cushions and went to answer the door. He peered out the window to see a big guy on the steps with a pickup parked out in front. Duo asked though the door, "Who are you?"

"Name's Dave. I'm here to check if everything is working. Owner sent me around."

"Riiiight," Duo drawled, glaring at him.

"She asked Ian to check the place out for you, change the lock. Make sure you were comfortable. Drop off a phone." he explained.

Duo thought for a second. Ian probably called Une. Une, to get back at him for waking her up, sent this guy out here. Duo sighed. Worse thing that could happen was that he had to shoot the guy and get rid of the body, wasn' t like he hadn't had to do that before.

"Okay, a story that stupid has to be true," he sighed again. He let Dave in and started the coffee, he wasn't going to function without some caffeine. "The pipes are alright, water heater works and is in good shape. The stove I tinkered with a little and it's okay. The refrigerator is on its way out. Needs a couple of new parts, don't know if you can get them." Duo reported as he waited for the coffee to perk.

Dave looked at him skeptically and shrugged. "How you know that?"

"I can fix things. Tinkered with a lot of machinery." Duo said, thinking about how many times he had to put Shinigami back together. Or fix stuff around the orphanage.

"Mind if I take a look?" Dave asked. "And there's a bundle in the back of my truck for you."

"Don't mind. You drove out here." Duo shrugged. "Have some coffee when it's ready. I don't have cream or sugar though. You can drag the bundle in. How big is it?"

Dave grunted "heavy" and began to poke at the various appliances that were in the kitchen area. Duo had been right on the money for most of them. He did have the parts that he needed to fix the 'fridge and the coffee smelled good. He'd spend a few hours here, making sure that this kid had everything he needed. He looked too fragile, too young to be out here own his own, Ian promised to check up on him, make sure that he was still breathing. And what was with that braid? And how did he get here. Looks like he just fell from the sky. No car, no bike, no nothing.

Duo sighed when Dave left. The guy was nice, but he fussed. He was upset that Duo seemed to be surviving on coffee and soup. Now that the 'fridge was fixed, he buy more stuff in town. He missed cold milk. Probably tomorrow or the next day depending on how he felt. Right now he was going to take a nap. Then deal with the package from Une. He was being a coward, but he was too weirded out from having to be normal for this guy. He had to remember not to flinch if he came near him. Or not scream if he came up behind him suddenly.

That's all he needed to have them wondering about that. The weirdo out by the lake. He could see that Dave was eyeing his braid like he trying to figure out why his hair was that long. And he was dying to find out why a little kid was out here on his own.

Duo napped, glad that he didn't dream. He guessed that the Boogie Men in his dreams couldn't get him in the sunlight, so he dragged that sofa in the middle where the sun always hit. He slept there during the day, at night he stayed awake, drinking coffee and wondering who would haunt him when he finally fell asleep, The nameless soldiers that he killed? The targets that he took out because he was told to? Or the civies that died like flies because they were around Duo Maxwell.

Duo grabbed a knife from the kitchen and approached his package with care. He acted like he was about to defuse a bomb. Carefully cutting the paper, slitting open the top, not wanting to damage anything. Duo smiled mirthlessly to himself. It was an emotional bomb that he was trying not to set off. It would blow up in his face, he was too damaged for it not too, but he did want to control the blast.

The first thing that he saw was an old shirt of T-chan's. he said that he wore it when he wanted to be grubby. Duo's knees buckled and he just took it out of the box and held it to him. The tears started a millisecond after T-chan's scent hit him. Roses, musk and his own personal smell mixed together. Duo curled up around the shirt, just smelling it and crying. He could remember the time that he had stolen it from T-chan and wore it almost the entire time he was with him. He had done it so that T-chan could sleep with it and smell him. God that had been so silly. _I miss you T-chan. I want to be with you._ Duo thought, silently crying. He didn't know how long he had been lying there before he could control himself. Duo got up and wiped his face on the sleeve of his shirt, carefully laying T-chan's on the sofa. He'd sleep with it tonight, and every night so long as he could still smell him.

Duo then carefully unpacked the books that were in the box. Classical Literature, some novels; assorted books that T-chan had kept in his quarters. Duo had read through some of them, waiting for T-chan to finish up work if he had showed up early. Or an emergency had happened. Duo stroked the soft leather covers and smiled at the smell of roses. He was thinking of planting some when he got his act together.

There was a small box in the middle of the books, filled with jewelry. Duo opened it carefully, admiring the small carved box. It was priceless, he couldn't tell the wood, but it had faded to a warm finish, buffed by time more then anything. Small flowers, Norse dragons and Celtic braids covered it. Duo carefully opened it, surprised to find woman's earrings and rings in there. A couple of wedding bands, Duo assumed were T-chan's parents and grandparents. An engagement ring. Another ring, set with stones that matched T-chan's eyes almost. A few odd and ends that Duo swore was worth more then the cabin he was standing in and the land. Duo looked for a place to hide it and decided that the loft was the best place. He didn't want to go up there, but he couldn't think of any where else to put it. It would hurt to be there. The memories. The promise that he made T-chan. God he had been so, naïve wouldn't cover it, stupid probably did. A future together. The Angels must have laughed at that one. Duo ignored the two envelopes until he hid the box upstairs.

Duo climbed into the loft and froze. He took a deep breath, ignoring the phantom the called to him from the bed. The sheets were still wrinkled from where they slept here. He went over the dresser and jerked out the draw, jumping a little when he realized that he had left that damn outfit here.

The leather pants and that top. Not that he could wear them anymore, not unless he was going for the freak look. Duo carefully laid the box in the draw on to of the pants and tossed the top over it. Not much of a hiding place, but he didn't care. It would do for now.

He knew that he'd just lose it when he read those notes, might as well get the worst out of the way. There was another small bundle of clothes. Duo figured that they were something for him to wear in Cologne, his own were kind of ratty looking now. Duo opened the first one, it was from Relena.

   I'm glad that you've decided to contact us.

The others tried look for you, but I wouldn't let them. Quatre was sick for a while, then he and Trowa went back to L4. Heero and Wufei are somewhere on L1.

Please write, get in touch with us. A note to tell us your okay.

Une won't admit it, but she does miss your visits.

 Relena.

That wasn't bad. She wasn't pushy and may be he would talk to her if he went to Cologne. He wouldn't stay though, not if he was getting freaked by the village idiot and the local handy man.

Une's would be worse. They had been closer, as weird as that seemed. And she wasn't as nice as Relena was. She wouldn't pull her punches.

 Duo

I miss you. I liked your visits, even though I rarely saw you. Treize's apartment always smelled good after you were there. It smelled of love and cooking. Mostly love, but the food we shared over work. I need to smell that again, could you come back? I have an extra room in my apartment. You don't have to say anything, just know that I want you with me. I need a friend.

You were one for me. You have to see the lawyer in Cologne. He has letters to you from Treize-sama. And there are some things that you have to find out.

 Enclosed is a ticket to Cologne, from the closest city in your area. I am assuming that you have all the necessary ID to travel. My address is also enclosed. You can stay with me or a hotel. I would prefer that you stay with me, but I can't force you. We can work out the details later.

You made him very happy. He always was cheerful around you. Please remember that he loved you. I gave you that jewelry because I knew that he would want you to have it. He did want to live the rest of his life with you, believe that. Nothing Zechs did to you would change that. I understand the depths that Zechs was willing to sink.

He suffered from the same madness that we all did. I too did things that shock me now, looking back.

Duo looked at Une's letter and shuddered. She pushed all the right buttons. He liked cooking at T-chan's. It was something that he liked to do and it showed T-chan that he was after him as a person, not just his cock. Duo smiled sadly. It had been the normal things that they had enjoyed together the most. The cooking, reading and just cuddling watching a movie, eating popcorn. Stuff that they did, to pretend that they were normal. So he'd do the normal, traditional thing for T-chan and show up at his lawyer's looking somewhat presentable. He just hoped that he didn't freak. People, an airplane ride, crowded streets. They sounded scarier now then blowing up a base or self destructing did.


	3. Part 2

Cologne, German Section

Duo was the last person off the plane. It hadn't been a bad ride, just long. He had managed to snag one of the seats in back, so he had no one behind him. That had made him feel a lot better. His seatmates turned out to be a mother with a small child, who had brightly introduced herself as Rose. The child had gotten fidgety after a while, but Duo tried to keep her entertained and her mother and the rest of the passengers sane by playing with her and answering her questions. He knew how boring it could get on long flights and he had been the one flying usually. That had resulted in a hyper Duo after he gotten out of Shinigami or the plane. They had gotten off the plane, but not before she had given him a huge hug and burbled at him. Her mother looked grateful and looked like she wanted to hug him too.

"Thank you again. I couldn't have survived without you. I'm meeting my husband. He just got assigned to Preventer section here and went ahead to set everything up," she told him exiting the plane. "Will you be staying in Cologne long?"

"Just a day or two," Duo replied quietly. "I'm seeing a friend and we have some stuff to take care of then, I'm probably going back." _I should be thanking you. If it hadn't been for Rose, I would have had to think. And then you would have to have dragged me out kicking and screaming from here in hysterics because all these people are making me nervous._

"Good Luck then and have fun." She called back as she went out of the airplane.

Not wanting to fight through the crowds, Duo waited until only the flight attendants were left before grabbing his duffle and walking off of the plane. He was hobbling a little, having stiffened up during the flight.

"Thank you and come again," the flight attendant said mechanically, then brightened when she recognized him. "Thank you for keeping the child occupied, I thought that it would be a nightmare."

"No problem," Duo protested. "I understand how boring flying is."

"You saved our sanity. Enjoy Cologne."

"Thank you." Duo replied again, shifting his duffle so that it was more comfortable. It had been a month, but he was still sore in odd spots. And his skin was fragile. It had ripped open in couple of spots, more then once, making the scars worse. Not that it mattered, he had little odd lines all over his body, broken by the large raised areas of scar tissue. His body below his neck looked like he had been attacked by rabid lobsters. Lobsters that smoked.

Duo scanned the crowd, looking for either Une, Sally or Relena's driver, Pargon, Hargon, what ever the guy's name was. Une said the she was going to meet him at the plane, but if there had been trouble one of the other two would pick him up. He spotted Une and waved at her, slowly working his way through the crowd, trying not to scream. It was too loud and there were too many people. He was ready to jump out of his skin by the time he had worked his way over to her. It must have showed on his face, because Une looked really concerned, until he smiled faintly at her.

"I haven't been around this many people in a while. I could have had a field day pickpocketing this place when I was younger. _Or peddling myself. Travelers were always good for a quick fuck or suck. Working the airport brought in the big bucks. Then you or the others wouldn't have to go out for a while. Drawback was that if you got caught, the cops were a little rougher on you._

"I have us booked into a nice hotel downtown. I know that you probably want to be alone, but I had some time and I think you might need some help dealing with things." Une said. _You're not dumb, but it's out of your experience. And you don't have the mental strength to deal with this. Or else you have bounced through this place like you used to. You're thin. And pale. You were right not to let me see you like this. I might not let you go back._

Duo shrugged, not willing to argue with her. She wasn't going to let him be. And if they had separate rooms, she wouldn't know how bad it was. "All I want to do now is shower, some food and sleep." he said.

"We can eat at the hotel, the appointment's for the morning." Une said firmly, leading him out of the place. Duo waved to Rose when they passed, but kept on moving even though she had tugged at her father's jacket to point him out. The man's jaw almost dropped when he recognized who Duo was with, but sensibly didn't bug them. Duo knew that he wouldn't be able to do a casual chat right now, when his nerves were screaming at him to run, hide, anything to get away from these people.

Une snagged a cab, gave him the hotel and settled down to study Duo. He was too thin. The clothes that she sent him hung off his body. He was nervous and was trying not to show it.

"Didn't know that you spoke German 'Neesan?" Duo asked, desperate to make small talk. It used to be so easy. He could just take a topic and run with it. He'd lost the knack for it, being alone too much after Luxembourg.

"I was born around this area. German was my first language. I learned English and Japanese later."

"German wasn't too popular back home. Spanish, smattering of other stuff and English. I learned Japanese to try and talk to Heero and the rest. It was about the only language that we all had in common. I can read a whole lot more languages then I can speak."

"So you can rifle through other people's desks?" Une asked with a smile.

"I want to tell you that I never rifled through your desk." Duo solemnly said. _Never did T-chan's either. That wasn't my job and we both knew it._

"May be we can try sightseeing tomorrow. I think that you'd like the Cathedral here." Une offered.

"I don't want to go." Duo said quietly. _I'm covered in blood and dirty. I don't think God is going to forgive me. 'Sides I haven't talked to him since the massacre, T-chan's death ain't endearing him to me either._

"Well, we can talk about that tomorrow. I do want to pick up more clothing for you." Une said. _Duo, you will not argue about it because I need to do this. You need someone to take care of you now and it's going to have to be me. I know that you'd rather Treize-sama put you back together, but that isn't an option anymore._

"'Neesan I have never seen anyone argue with you that wasn't sorry about it later. The only person that won an argument with you was Heero. And you know how he did that." Duo said lightly. _Yeah life is bad when you can joke about someone blowing themselves up. Hell, he lived, so it wasn't all bad, but I didn't think that he would._

"I've changed." Une protested. _I'm no longer the fanatic that I was. Treize-sama's death cleansed me of that madness._

"You have." Duo smiled at her. She was happy to see that it was the first genuine smile from him she had seen in a longtime. "The softer look is you. More then the braids and ribbons. I liked you with your hair down."

"When did you see me with my hair down?" Une asked and then blushed slightly, remembering.

Duo had been staying with Treize, early in their relationship, before things had gotten crazier. Unfortunately Une had to interrupt their private time with an evening of paperwork and planning for an emergency that had come up.

Duo had been a decent about the whole thing. He had fed them dinner, made them snacks and coffee. He even gave her a backrub, pulled down her hair and sent her into sleep with them, because by the time that everything had been done, both she and Treize were so tired neither of them could see straight.

Une had woken up the next morning, curled around Treize-sama. Duo had been curled up on the other side, a leg thrown over both of them. It had been nice. She had really hated bothering Treize after that, he got so little time with Duo.

"How soon they forget." Duo said gravely, watching her remember. "Must be your old age."

Une laughed and was still laughing a little when they pulled up to the hotel. She paid the driver off and got out of the cab, ignoring the crowd around them and escorting Duo into the lobby and up into their suite. Duo followed her willingly, wanting to get someplace that he could be alone. The crowded elevator was the last straw and he was about to start screaming when it had arrived at their floor and they could get out. When the got to their room, Duo collapsed shaking into the sofa.

"I'm okay 'Neesan, Just a little jumpy. Not used to people. Didn't see a lot of them in the last six months. None almost in the last month," Duo explained, taking deep calming breaths. "You can go out if you want, but can I have room service?"

"Duo, whatever you want to do, you can." Une soothed him, reaching down to stoke his shoulder.

He dodged her touch and then shuddered a little. "I'm sorry." he muttered, embarrassed. Duo looked up at her and she was shocked to see tears in his eyes.

"Duo?" she asked gently, sitting down next to him. She started to put an arm around him and was confused when he shifted away from her. Duo had liked to cuddle. May be not with her, but he was a cuddler.

"What'd Relena tell you about our time on the Libra?" Duo asked. _Not too much or you would have dragged me out of where I was, just to make sure that I was okay._

"That Zechs dragged you away for hours into a storage room. And when she broke you out, you were covered in blood with a dislocated arm." Une said.

"Zechs was crazy, nasty. And I had pissed him off earlier in Luxembourg. So he took it out of my hide. He said that he was going to make the outside match my rotten insides." Duo started, _I have to tell someone and you're it. Please don't be disgusted. I'm sorry I know that you don't need this, but I don't have anyone else._

"Duo, I know that he hurt you. And I can guess what he did to you to make you this fragile. I think that when you can face it, you should see Sally Po." Une said gently, stoking his hair.

Duo turned and buried his face into her shoulder. "Can't" he mumbled. "I think it's illegal. I slept with her."

"Duo?!" Une asked in alarm, what was he talking about?

"Bad joke," Duo apologized. "She was on the PeaceMillion during the final battle, you know that, she delivered Relena to you. But she slept with me because as she put it, 'She didn't trust Howard to keep it in his pants.' So she and I shared a room."

"Howard?" Une asked in confusion. What did the head of the Sweepers have to do with anything?

Duo sighed and shifted again to curl up on the sofa, trying to find a comfortable spot. It was hard with the way his skin was. No place was comfortable and he'd stopped taking anything to numb the pain, afraid that he'd give in one night and swallow the whole bottle. "Zechs spent a lot of time with him, before he headed off to the White Fangs. He also worked for Dr. G. In fact the Doc discovered me on PeaceMillion to be a pilot. I had stowed away and I guess they took payment out of me in trade. I don't remember much, they were pretty heavy handed with the drugs. But G liked something about me for a pilot, so I got to come down. But they were a bit peeved they didn't get a repeat performance when Quatre told me to come back. They were kinda hostile, in fact."

"Oh Duo." Une said sadly.

" 'Neesan, it's life. That's what my life was like. I stole, I whored and I killed to survive. And it never showed, I looked all innocent and untouched. You just didn't look too closely at the mask or it would all fall apart. So Zechs, took out most of his inner frustrations on me. And then he decided that I could be a treat for the squad that was controlling the Mobile Dolls before they went out to fight the rest of the Gundam pilots." Duo shifted again and Une saw the tears tracking slowly down his face. "But I think that the worst part is he recorded it all. That's what's scaring me. That someone 's going to find that stupid disk and watch it."

"They haven't found it by now, they won't. Only bits of Epyon and Treize-sama's Mobile Suit was found," Une assured him.

"Not even a body, huh?" Duo asked, rubbing at his cheeks, scrubbing away his tears.

"Burnt up. You know what the recovery rate is. And I don't think that he would have wanted us to have wasted time to look." Une said. "He has a grave in the military cemetery. You can visit it if you want."

"He's not there, so I won't." Duo said, "I don't do the visit thing, mostly because I don't know where the graves are for anybody. Solo, the kids, Father Maxwell and Sister Helen, I don't know where they're buried. If they got buried."

"I can find out, you might want to know one day." Une promised Duo.

"Alright," Duo agreed, yawning suddenly. "I think that I better take a nap. After that I'll eat."

"Okay. Your room is on the left. Sleep tight and don't worry about anything." Une called after him. Duo mumbled something to her as he closed the door to his bedroom.

Duo looked at the set up, Bed, nice and big with an adjoining bathroom. Une would never see him undressed. He slipped out of his pants and unbuttoned his shirt, curling up under the covers to go to sleep. He just might get some. At least he could close his eyes and try and calm down.

Une watched Duo retreat into the bedroom. His little story hadn't disgusted or horrified her. She had guessed what had happened to him when Relena mentioned how she had found him. And she knew that Zech's hold on reality had been uncertain by that time. She just hoped that she could put him back together. Treize-sama would have wanted that. And she wanted the Duo that teased her that first day back, when she discovered him in bed with Treize-sama. She didn't think that she'd find him soon, but she hoped that he'd come out, after Duo was healed.

Une had been working for about an hour when she heard the moans, she knew that Duo had nightmares, Treize-sama had mentioned it once. She listened, debating whether she should wake him up when the screaming started. Une was up in flash, scattering paper and books across the room as she ran towards his bedroom. Thankfully he hadn't locked it. Une opened the door and ran through it, catching Duo as he popped upright in bed, screams dying on his lips as he recognized her. She took in the sweat soaked hair and the shaking that controlled his body and got a glass of water from the bathroom and gave it too him, holding it steady for him to drink when his shaking threatened to spill it all over the bed.

Duo stared at her with glazed eyes, not realizing that his shirt had fallen off his body. All that was covering him was pair of briefs that had definitely seen better days. She stroked back his bangs and tried not to notice the healing wounds on his body. She knew that they looked worse then they were, because of the color. They were still a red, raw shade that would fade in time. But they wouldn't disappear. Zechs had covered Duo with a number of thin little cuts that must have hurt like hell to fight with. But the worst part was the barely healed larger raw looking patches on his stomach, chest and legs. Duo blushed and pulled the blankets up to his neck when he realized that she was staring at him.

"He did a good job didn't he?" Duo asked wryly. "A real pro with a knife."

"Duo, you should see Sally. I know that it's been a month, but."

"And Sally's going to do what? Rebreak the broken ribs? Comment on the scars? I'm eating so whatever damage he did to me, torn muscles were the worst of it, down there. And they seemed to have started to knit up."

"Duo.," Une sighed. "I know that you don't want to hear it, but she may be able to help or recommend someone."

"Later." Duo pleaded. "I just want to see the lawyer and then go back. I'm not being morbid or nothin'. I know that staying in the place that I wanted to settle down in after the war with T-chan is not the best place to recover. But it's isolated. I don't want to be around people. I guess something broke in me when he tortured me. Or may be it began earlier, I don't know. All I know is that people make me nervous. Dave the helpful handyman almost had me screaming after an hour of his company. I just had to remember so hard to be normal. Groups of people scare the living daylights out of me."

"Duo.." Une's voice trailed off.

"Weird, isn't it?" Duo asked smiling crookedly at her, "You saw me during the good times Une. Stupid as it seems to call those the good times. Up to our butts in blood and death. But I didn't freak out at people. It was before the crash started. You're looking at the result of too many killings, no trust. And Zechs's attention."

"I know. I knew what you were doing, most of the time." Une said sadly. "I could tell your handiwork after a while. And Treize-sama told me things, he had to talk to someone about it."

"That must have been priceless. Hearing about your rival, from the guy you wanted." Duo said cynically.

"It would have bothered me if I hadn't meet Relena. Une explained, "It was during one of those endless Romafeller meetings. I was bored and slipped off, Treize-sama didn't need me. I went to the bathroom and bumped into Relena. She was embarrassed. Then she smiled and apologized for shooting at me. I guess she thought that I was going to arrest her. I wasn't, because that would have been uncomfortable for Treize-sama, she was there under the protection of someone. I told her she was a rotten shot, she should practice. Her eyes got like Heero's for a second, cold and dead, and she shook her head.

"I had practiced. That's why I missed you." she said. "If you mention this to anyone else I will deny it, but.." She leaned over a kissed me on the cheek. I was so shocked I didn't say anything. "Thank you for doing it."

Une closed her eyes for a second. "She sounded so tired and sad. I saw her about five minutes later, it was like that part of her never existed. She was talking with people, trying to get them to give up the war. Peace was the only way. I bumped into her at a few other of those meetings, Our paths kept crossing due to her activities and mine. Noin watched her like a hawk, but Relena always managed to slip in a few minutes to say something to me. It got so that we could have entire conversations that looked like arguments. She was that good at acting. She had to be."

"Why?" Duo asked involuntarily, Relena had been a pain, but not too unmanageable. She was annoying more to Wufei and Heero more then anyone. And if she concentrated on those two, the others breathed easier. Neither boy was the most observant people person, so Relena fooled them with her act of chasing Heero. He'd bought it too, just because he had problems of his own and it wasn't directed at him. But Duo just once in a while caught something in her eyes when Heero threatened to kill her. Hope that he might actually go through with it?

"Relena wasn't happy." Une said quietly.

"Well happy people don't tease psychos. Or follow them around. She did both." Duo said sarcastically. "And she was hyper about the Total Peace thing, it was something that she latched onto like she needed the cause. Something that would keep her busy and not thinking about stuff. If she thought of it, she might have knocked one of us over the head and stole our Gundam, just to be more into the not thinking about personal stuff routine."

"Why didn't you want to think, Duo?" Une asked quietly.

"What part of my life to you want to start at?" he asked tiredly. "Now? During the war? Before I was a pilot? I was into denial a lot. We all were. That we had feelings, we had needs, we were actually human. That killing all those people was something that we hated."

"Oh Duo." Une said. "I know. You fought so hard, against so much. It hurt to see the pain you were all in. Even Relena."

"You weren't exactly happy and cheerful all the time too." Duo teased her.

"Not like me."

"I had my own problems. I didn't want to admit them. Lusting after my superior seemed better then admitting that I may be didn't actually like men that way. I knew that I didn't have a chance with him, I kept walking in on him with other men." _And I know that it was an act, something you did to fool people. After a while I noticed that your eyes were what you had to watch, not the smile. Your eyes said volumes about you._

"But you and Relena were weird. Not because you're both girls. I can't throw stones at you for that. But the hawk and the dove. Not usually who you see together." Duo said thoughtfully. "But nice, for both of you."

 

* * *

 

When Une came out of her bedroom the next morning, Duo was curled up on the couch, dozing with a book in his hand. She studied him for a minute before waking him up. He was too thin, thinner then he normally was. Pale, from being sick and from hiding in that cabin for the last month. He barely touched his dinner last night and all he had ordered was a small salad and soup. Une remembered Boston, where he had inhaled his weight in pastries, the day that they had spent together. He had flirted with her, Treize-sama, the table, she swore, anything that didn't move fast enough. Bouncy, bright and adorable, Une wondered what happened to kill that Duo. Was it Treize-sama's death? Or all the killings that he had to do? Une just hoped that she get him back, She wanted that Duo to survive at least, not the haunted child in front of her.

Duo had talked through dinner, but it was more to get information on people then anything. How were Noin, Sally and the rest? Was Relena taking care of herself? Small talk that filled the time so that there were no uncomfortable silences. And so that Une wouldn't probe how he was doing. He went to bed soon after that and she didn't hear anything from his room, but if he had slept well, he wouldn't be on the couch right now dozing.

Une made a small noise, waking up Duo. She was worried to see that he woke up with a start, clawing the cushions of the couch searching for something before he realized it was her.

"Sorry Une." Duo apologized. "I'm more comfortable on the couch now. That's where I've been sleeping for most of the last month. Before that Shinigami was where I called home. I forgot that beds were something that you slept in."

"And you were searching for what?" Une asked with a smile, afraid that she already knew the answer.

"Three guesses and the first two don't count. I slept with a gun for the last two years, it's a hard habit to break. Not that I want to now"

"I noticed." Une said dryly, remembering their first meeting.

Duo blushed and then laughed sadly. "Those were the days, eh? I didn't think that it could get any worse. Then it started to really get bad. And now you get to see me in all my paranoid glory."

"Duo, if you were paranoid you would have brought it with you." Une said.

"Breakfast and then the lawyer's. I want you to eat something besides coffee for breakfast. I know you don't eat in the morning, but something in you stomach would be good. Just toast."

"You win 'Neesan. I'll eat." Duo conceded to her wishes, having a shower while they waited for breakfast. He was too tired to argue with her. He dressed and ate slowly, not wanting to leave the security of the room. He wondered if Une would let him take the stairs down to the lobby. It was twelve stories, but he wouldn't meet anyone. Une watched him, worried. He was too quiet. Duo wasn't a morning person and the shadows under his eyes spoke of more then one sleepless night, and he looked worse then she had ever seen him. With what he told her yesterday, she knew that it would be a while before he would sleep peacefully.

Une waited until he was through eating before starting to talk him. "Duo, I'm sorry, but you have to do this. One more night, then I'll let you go back. Just don't cut yourself off out there." she said gently.

"Okay, I understand. You sorta feel responsible for me. I feel responsible for you too. It was really rotten that it took off and left you to arrange everything." Duo said quietly. "I just was so tired. It had been so long and it was so close. The Wufei starts saying he's sorry and you told me, on top of Zechs's treatment, I ran. I couldn't take it. May be when I get better, I 'll come back, but I don't know."

"You don't have to promise me anything Duo," Une said gently. She had to be gentle with him, he was so fragile now. The last battle took all the toughness out of him. She wondered what the last six months had been like for him before that. Her sources couldn't tell her much and she had been in a coma then. But from what she could find out he had been alone a lot, small quick visits to different Winner compounds. Long enough to refuel and get repairs done, receive orders and then leave again. He told her that the PeaceMillion had been tense, must have been if Sally had to protect him. Une made a mental note to ask Quatre when she saw him why it had been Sally and not one of the other pilots. And to tell him that Duo was alive.

 

* * *

 

The trip over to the lawyer wasn't that bad he had to admit. The lobby was empty and they managed to get a cab right away. Une gave him the address and they drove away. Duo wondered if he should hack into the system later, he was running low on money. Une wouldn't mind, the account was legitimate. And it wasn't like he could give the money back, even if he remembered where he had skimmed it from, besides a couple of dozen Romafeller accounts. Duo stared out the window blankly not noticing where they were going. He noted that they were in the medieval section of the city, the expensive part. He snorted causing Une to look at him curiously.

"I.I." Duo stuttered a little. "I just dawned on me. T-chan was rich, wasn't he? I never thought about that before. I knew he was educated, cultured and stuff, but money never crossed my mind. "

"Ah." Une commented, "I thought so from the first day. You were so casual, so teasing."

"When I was growing up, rich was having enough to eat for a couple of days without having to go out and steal or whore." Duo said quietly. "Then I learned to hack into accounts and skim off of OZ and the Romafellers. That's were most of the money I have is from now. I always have cash on me, just in case."

"That's why I'm with you, I think that it might be a bit shocking with the lawyer. Their firm has handled Treize-sama's family for generations. It shouldn't be difficult, they were always nice working with me." Une said.

"I trust you," Duo said meekly. "But I'm going to be okay. I've already hit bottom, no place to go but up."

The rest of the ride passed in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Une was still worried about Duo. He was so skittish looking. The too big clothes didn't help. She had sent him sizes that she thought he should fit into, but they hung off his body. Thankfully she sent a belt too or the pants would be about his knees she swore. Duo looked nothing like the enticing creature that had been Treize's lover.

Duo continued to stare out the window and mentally talked to T-chan. He had done that a lot when he was in Space. There had been no one else to talk to.

_I hope I don't embarrass you too much, T-chan. I never realized that it would be this complicated. We never talked about it. Silly, eh? I should have realized. You were just so together. So secure. And it takes money to do that. What did you see in a street rat?_

Both were jerked out of their thoughts when the cab stopped and the driver growled that this was the place. Duo admired the trees that were in the courtyard and the flowers, it was nice effect. He stopped, waiting for Une to go in first, he didn't want to. She looked at him and shook her head.

"Duo, calm down. Don't worry."

"I'm scared." Duo admitted. "I hope that they're as nice as you say. I'm a street kid that looks like it. I could have pulled this off before Zechs. Maybe. But I look like I've been on a bender, the clothes don't fit and I feel like I'm about to crawl out of my skin, what's left of it."

"Don't worry. Money shouldn't make a difference. Look at Quatre." Une said, entering the building. _Duo you do deserve this. Treize-sama wasn't blind to what you had been, what you were becoming. He still loved you._

"We were trying to overthrow a government together. It was sorta different," Duo argued. "And he was always polite, I think his sisters beat it into him."

"Terribly polite and easily embarrassed does cover Quatre-kun." Une agreed. "He was so embarrassed at our last meeting. I think he was thinking of our first one." _Sneaking into an OZ base on the orders of a bunch of dirty old men that were getting their jollies off of manipulating you and listening to the results. Not how to meet people. Treize-sama's reaction didn't help either. No one wants to know that the someone they are trying to seduce still thinks that they're ten._

Their discussion landed them in front of the receptionist. Duo looked at the art on the walls while Une dealt with the receptionist. After a minute of quiet discussion, Une touched his arm to get his attention. "Our appointment is still on, but we are dealing with a junior member of the staff, a grandson of the head of the firm."

"Don't matter, 'Neesan." Duo said. "You're in charge."

"Did I ever tell you that I hate being in charge. I always liked being second." Une complained, going down a corridor. Duo noticed the real wood, the thick carpeting and the very expensive paintings on the wall. He was beginning to feel really little and grubby again. He fought the urge to slip away from Une and disappear in the city. She'd chase him. And be really pissed when she found him.

"Did I ever tell you that no one would trust me to plan anything and be in charge?" Duo answered, "They didn't think that I was a team player. And you know, I think that they were right, I always wanted to protect them."

"That isn't a bad thing Duo." Une answered.

"I don't know, you could have been doing this with someone that looked right at home here, like Trowa. He was always elegant."

"Or I could be dealing with Heero." Une shuddered. "I can't even imagine him with someone."

"Him and Wufei are real good together. They complement each other. The only time that I saw Heero even look human was with him." Duo answered wistfully.

_To be able to have shared that with T-chan in front of someone. All we did was sneak around or hide in his quarters._

"Duo." Une said seriously, "Don't keep putting yourself down,"

"I don't know. Une. All I see in the mirror now is the street brat. And that brat doesn't belong here." Duo said sadly. _Not that I look in one much. I still have the one in the bathroom covered. I can't stand the sight of myself. It isn't the scars, but my eyes. I catch reflections of them sometimes in the windows of the cabin. I look so dead, so broken._

Une was saved from answering walking into the office. Duo admired the teak desk, the Impressionist painting on the wall, and how well everything went together. And the sleek, slightly sneering lawyer that was sitting behind the desk, who was too rude to get up and greet them like he should. You always were polite to a lady, that's what Sister Helen always taught him.

Une's back stiffened a little and Duo mood lightened a little, looking forward to her reaming this little slime over the coals. Duo decided that this might almost be enjoyable, if it wasn't for the subject matter. But if he was treating Une like this, he wasn't expecting anything more then abuse when it was his turn.

Une narrowed her eyes and wondered what the hell was up this person's ass. He made Wufei Chang look polite. And after all she had reassured Duo that this was going to be painless and almost easy. She glanced at Duo and noticed how blank his face was. She couldn't tell if he was happy, angry or what. All she knew that this little piece of work in front of her was going to get it big time. He was going to know why she was the most dreaded woman in OZ. He had hurt Duo and insulted Treize-sama's memory and taste in a lover.

"Good morning, I am so glad that you could take time out of your busy schedule to see us. I hope that your Grandfather's illness is not serious."

Une purred at him, the sarcasm on busy was so thick that Duo could just see it floating over to this guy. She was peeved, big time. He was going to have to stay another day just to calm her down.

"Good Morning, Lady Une. My Grandfather just was tired, he regrets that he isn't here to handle this matter personally. And who is your," he paused "companion?"

His tone implied that Une had just dragged in the first boy she saw off the street, instead of looking for Duo Maxwell, like she promised. The firm had been willing to do the search, but she had insisted that she would find Duo eventually. He guessed that she had. But this tired looking little thing had been involved with the most powerful man in OZ?

Une stiffened and wondered if he was stupid or really thought that he could be this impolite and they wouldn't complain. Duo just stepped forward, putting out his hand to shake the other's, but wasn't surprised that it was ignore. He shrugged, this was just getting better.

"Duo Maxwell. And you are who? Or should I just refer to you as that idiot lawyer?" he asked, sincerity and sweetness dripping off of his tone. Good cop, bad cop was fun too.

"Idiot? I would like to inform you that I graduated at the top of my class." Duo was informed haughtily.

"Neat. But that still doesn't give me your name." Duo answered, unimpressed. Education, big deal. Manners would get him a lot further.

"I am Johanne Von Stutgard III." Duo was coldly informed.

"Good morning then Johanne. Could we do our business and then I might not let 'Neesan kill you because you have managed to get her mad at you. Last time that happened, the guy had to do something really nasty, I don't think you're up to what he did."

"'Neesan?" Johanne asked in confusion.

"Opps. Sorry." Duo smiled insincerely at him. "Lady Une. Whom or is it who? you were just very rude too. I was taught that you were always polite to a lady. And she is a lady. And not just the one because of her title." _She showed real class putting up with me and my fooling around with T-chan. I didn't realize that until I had to deal to Noin._

"Well we can get on with the reading of Treize Khushrendra's will. Then you will be gone," was Johanne's dismissive tone.

"Generations, huh?" Duo whispered to Une as Stutgard left the room to get the will. "This might be the last cause I've been treated better in an OZ interrogation."

"I'm sorry Duo. His father and Grandfather were really nice to me, They allowed me to straighten a few things out while I was waiting for you to get back in touch with me." Une apologized. _If you bolt I don't blame you. I want to run too, but not for the same reasons. I still expect Treize-sama to come into my office and talk to me. Even though it's a new office and he's never been here. This is going to make his death so real._

"So this guy bein' a jerk is new?" Duo asked.

Johanne entered the room and seemed annoyed that they had sat down and had made themselves comfortable. Duo controlled his expression and the sinking feeling that he was getting. Une and her dealing with this jerk had raised his spirits for a while, but he was crashing again, feeling very out of place here. He was nothing but scum, but that didn't explain why the guy was treating Une this way. He was glad that she was with him. Left to his devices he would have fled a long time ago.

"I don't think that you'd understand the intricacies of this, so I will explain it to you in simple language." Johanne said shortly. Duo winced at the tone. He felt like he should be patted on the head for knowing that two plus two equals four. He snuck a glance at Une, she was beginning to look livid again.

"I may be dumb, but she isn't." Duo said quietly. "Don't think that she isn't going to be able to deal with the legalese. So stop talking down to her. Do you actually think that she's not going to complain about the fact you treated her this way to your Grandfather? She's young but not dumb."

"Duo!" Une exclaimed. "You are not dumb."

"Well I'm not up to anything more then yes and no questions right now. I wouldn't want to plan anything major. And I think after five minutes of him droning about legal stuff I'm gonna be asleep. He's got a rotten voice." Duo said.

"If you just came here to insult me.." Johanne started stiffly,

"You started it," Duo interrupted him. "I haven't seen this much hostility from someone since." Duo's voice trailed off and he closed his eyes. _Heero when Wufei dragged me back to the safehouse. And I feel like crap, just like I did then. Nothing changes really_

Une leaned over, worried that he was going to pass out or worse. She was reassured when he opened his eyes again and smiled faintly at her. She sighed with relief and patted his hand, worried that if she did anything else he'd start flinching again. Then she turned he full attention to Johanne.

"Read the will. That'll get us out of here and you can sulk after we're gone, I don't know what your problem is but you are not going to last long if you continue to treat clients like this." she snarled at him, totally out of sorts.

Johanne did flinch and started to sweat. Duo just stared at him stonily, wanting to get out of the office and back to the hotel room. Johanne cleared his throat and began to read. " I, Treize Khushrendra, being of sound mind and body do hereby..

 _blah, blah, blah_ supplied Duo's tired mind. _It's worse then I thought. I' m so tired. I can't focus. Hopefully he'll let Une take a copy and she can let me read it._

Une nudged him back to reality and Duo tried to focus his mind. He really was tired. He tried to focus on what Johanne was saying but it kept slipping away from him. He saw that the guy's mouth was moving, but couldn't understand anything that he was saying. Duo thought he had been speaking English. He blinked slowly when Une waved a hand in front of his eyes.

"Duo. Duo." she said, "Are you okay. I don't think that you've heard a word that he said."

"I heard them," Duo replied dazedly, "Understanding is something else. Can you just get a copy of the important stuff and I'll read it later. I still don't know why I'm here. Have him hand over the letters to me and I'll go back to the cabin."

"Duo," Une said gently as he turned a blank stare to her, "You got half, roughly, less some other bequests and taxes and other legal impediments."

"Half of what?" Duo asked in confusion.

"Half of Treize-sama's estate." Une said.

"S'okay, you can have it." Duo said. "I'd rather gotten him back."

Johanne looked at Duo as if he was insane. Duo knew he was so it didn't bother him. _Yeah asshole. Believe it or not I wasn't here for the money. I just want the letters. I want him back. I want hold him again and have him tell me everything will alright. I wanted to be able to start putting my life together, with him. I don't like being left behind again._

"Duo, much as that sounds nice, you can't do that. It's being held in trust for you until you're twenty-one." Une said. "And I got the other half. He was an only child. His parents are dead. He left everything to us."

"Oh." Duo said in a small voice. "Can we go now?" _Please Une I am about to lose it and I want to do that in the privacy of a cab or the hotel room. Not in front of this guy._

"Does he understand the seriousness of this?" Johannes asked haughtily.

"No I don't," Duo said sadly, "You opened your mouth and everything just went fuzzy. I'll read it later. Just give me the letters that he left with you and I'll go home. 'Neesan can take care of anything that comes up. I don't care."

"We can go back to the hotel, right after I get a copy of the will and what you wanted, right Mr. Stutgard? You will make a copy of the will and find those letters. Now!" Une ordered.

Stutgard jumped a foot and was out the door before he remembered that this was his office and Une had no right to order him about. He continued going because he did not want to have that woman mad at him. He had heard rumors about her conduct during the war, but didn't believe them. He had thought that the information that he had gotten off of his grandfather, the old fool, would be more accurate. A gentle, kind, submissive woman. Easy to influence, would let him control her decisions about the trust. Not the harridan that he just left breathing flame in his office, demanding things of him. And she was actually friendly with that guttersnipe that Khushrenada had taken up with. Not that he actually approved of those relationships. They were unnatural. And what did Khushrenada see in that pale ghost of a boy?

Stutgard growled at his secretary to make copies of the will, then left to go to his grandfather's office to get the letters. He remembered the day that the general had come into the office to change his will. He had just gotten his position back in the Romafeller organization and everything was looking bright for his future. He had thought it a bit morbid to be making a will, but Khushrenada had insisted. It was a radical change, everything before had been split between Lady Une and Zechs Merquisa. His Grandfather had actually joked with the man about the changes.

"You haven't suddenly gotten smart and decided to settle down with Lady Une. She's a fine figure of a woman. If I was only fifty years younger.." his Grandfather had said.

"I don't think that it would be good." Khushrenada said, regretfully. "If things had gone different, if I was different. But unfortunately I fell for someone with a kind heart and gorgeous pair of violet eyes."

"Sounds like true love." Grandfather had chuckled, "When do I get to meet this woman?"

"I don't think that will be soon, and you know my tastes by now, she's a he." Khushrenada had laughed. "may be after this is all over."

Stutgard was still thinking about this when he picked up the letters that had been left for Duo Maxwell. He should have known that his interests were like that, for even now, months after they had been dropped off, the letters smelled like roses. Stutgard debated whether he should lie and say that he lost them, just to see what reaction he would get out of that ghost in his office. Not that it would matter, he felt that Lady Une would rip the place apart if she thought that it would do any good. The boy probably would just disappear. He snatched the copies that he had asked for out of his secretary's hands, without even a thanks, not noticing her grimace at his rudeness. He marched back into his office and just shoved everything at Lady Une, ignoring Duo entirely. Little guttersnipe should be thankful that he didn't press the point about ID, he had a feeling that the boy wouldn't be able to back up his claim if pressed.

Une sighed at the treatment, but kept silent. She would have a talk with this rude piece of work's grandfather later. Right now she wanted to get Duo back to the hotel. His hands were freezing and he looked terrible.

"Duo we can go now." Une said.

Duo nodded and stood up, starting to walk out the door. Stutgard decided to throw caution to the wind and laid a hand on Duo's shoulder, about to ask him how he had met Treize Khushrenada when he found himself staring at the ceiling and Duo posed above him, his stiffened fingers about to be driven into his throat.

"Don't touch me." Duo whispered, as he started to get up. "I don't like it. And someone grabbing me from behind is a bad thing. Don't forget that."

"Duo," Une said softly. "Lets just get out of here. I'm sorry."

" 'Neesan, it's alright. Bad reaction to people sneaking up behind me." Duo shrugged. "Had it for a long time. Nothing new."

Une nodded sadly and let him walk out the door ahead of her. She did notice that Duo was shaking as he made his way ahead of her, not getting too far away from her. As soon as they left the building Duo fell in beside her, letting Une take care of getting back to the hotel. He was silent on the ride back, just staring out the window. He had stopped shaking halfway back and was just content to let Une take charge.

He didn't speak until they were back into their suite. "What did I miss?"

"Basically?" Une sighed. "You have or will have once you're twenty -one, various investments and rental properties that manage themselves and you don't have to worry about them. An estate in the Russian Territories, a house in the Sank Kingdom, a few other places that were in his family. We have those jointly. A few other odds and ends. And a large income to keep you going, pay for college, whatever you want to do."

"Okay." Duo said numbly. "Can you deal with that?"

"I will, Duo. I just want you to get well now. Is there anything that I can do?"

"Not really. I got to tie up a few things. I have an account or two that I've got to reactivate. I don't want to touch the others." Duo said absently, eyeing the envelope in Une's hand. _Nothing so that I can be traced. No one knows that I have these. I set them up while I was in Boston. No one's going to find me unless you tell them._

"Are you going to be okay, Duo?" Une asked. _When did I start to worry about him? When he called me 'Neesan, to tease me? Or when he tried to include me in his little vacation with Treize-sama? We did look like a family then. I don't think I ever saw Treize so relaxed, so happy. The two of them just glowed. Or when I realized that beneath that happy exterior there was a frightened child being pulled in too many directions?_

"Is that them?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, its them. A couple of letters that he wrote to you while you were separated. He wanted to talk to you, but couldn't. This was the next best thing." Une told him. _He missed you. He knew how lonely you were. He was lonely too. I was in a coma and you were out in Space. And we were the only two people that he trusted._

"I'll read them when I get back. I think that it's going to be bad and I don't want you to see that." Duo told her. "I'll go back tomorrow. We can do like some tourist stuff if you like, today."

"I don't think that you're up to that. You shook all the way back here." Une said. "We can just stay here. I don't have to be anywhere. And you look like you are wiped out."

"I could use a nap, but you wanted to do stuff, you said that yesterday."

"That was before I realized how tired you were. And how sick. You do look terrible."

"Thanks a lot 'Neesan, last time I'm nice to you," Duo complained, with a small smile.

"And how much sleep do you get last night?" she asked.

"Not much, but I don't sleep at night, I sleep during the day mostly, the dreams aren't that bad then." Duo said, uncomfortably. Bad dreams, sounds like he was still a kid at the orphanage. He had them there too. And he knew reading those letters were going to be bad, even after a month, it was too raw.

"Une," Duo asked curiously, "Do you think that he had any idea who he was dealing with?"

Une didn't have to ask who he was. She thought for a second. "You know, now that I think of it, I don't think so. You and I did work behind the scenes a lot. As a civilian I don't think that he had any idea who I was. And you." her voice trailed off.

"Was a kid that probably hustled T-chan into this," Duo smiled wistfully. "I did really. God, he was drunk as a skunk and didn't know which way was up. But I was desperate. I thought that if I didn't nail him that time, that they were going to send Quatre or Heero in there. Not good. So I dragged him over to his bed and jumped him. Then poisoned him."

"Duo, you had to do that. You were following orders. He always knew that. And he also knew that he stopped being an impersonal assignment when you sent him those flowers." Une comforted him.

"Well I felt really cheap, you know. I think that's what G wanted me to feel. I turned him down, so I got ordered to do T-chan. And I didn't want him to fell as used as I did. Not T-chan. He was nice about the whole thing. I wouldn't have reacted that well to finding someone in my bed like that."

"Good thing that you didn't stay for the morning after. Treize-sama was throwing up for hours. He couldn't keep anything down. I thought that it was because of his drinking, but we found out later that it was something else.

He stopped drinking though. And he had the oddest smile on his face, between dashing off to the toilet. He kept muttering that it was worth it. Then those roses arrived." Une smiled at the memory. "He was overwhelmed. He shook his head and just pocketed the note. But he kept them in his room as long as they lasted. I think that he dried one of them, I find him just staring at them for the rest of the day and shaking his head. I had no idea what was going on."

"He deserved them. He needed someone to be nice to him. Not that you weren't, but he needed something that you weren't ever going to give him." Duo said, his eyes tearing up. He started to blink them rapidly and hoped that he wasn't going to start bawling like a baby. He needed another cup of coffee, and just wanted to sit.

"I understand Duo." Une said going over to give him a hug. "We were like siblings more then anything. I think you were what he needed, a kind soul that understood all the horror that Treize-sama caused, because of his position in OZ."

"No more horror then I did. The people whose lives I ruined because of what I did. How many people I affected because I killed someone that they loved. The war and my actions just didn't destroy soldiers but their families. I hated myself at times." Duo said. "I still do."

"Duo, it's not all your fault, you were sucked into that mess due to circumstances beyond your control. Feel guilty, there are things that I did that I don't want to remember, that I don't even want to admit that I did, but never let it ruin your life."

 "I'll try not to, but I can't make any promises." Duo said, returning the hug.

"Counseling would be good, but I understand if you don't want to see anyone now." Une said. "If I didn't realize that it would do more harm then good, I'd insist that you stay with me. I was serious about that. You look like hell, you should let Sally Po take care of you"

"I don't want to. I know that I should. I can't talk about it. I don't want people to know, as foolish as it sounds. Another stupid thing that Duo did, getting caught by his lover's, the-enemy-general-that-we-were-supposed-to-kill, crazy ex. Very smart of him."

"Oh Duo, it's not your fault. Zechs was crazy. And he hurt you because of that." Une comforted him. "Not because of what you did or what you were. He had the problem not you. And he's dead so he can't hurt you anymore."

"Then why do I still wake up screaming?" Duo asked, burying his head in her shoulder.


	4. Part 3

Dear Duo,

It seems so strange to be writing you. You just left a few hours ago, but I miss you already. Your visit was too short, they always are. I hate myself for letting you run away from me, even though I know that you have to. Zechs in possession of Epyon is something that you should tell the others. Don't be angry with me or them when you find out that they already have the specs for that machine. I gave it to Quatre the night that he told me you hadn't been harmed by them. I was worried about you then, it was so hard to function normally when I wanted to tear the Earth apart to look for you, to keep you safe.

Did I ever tell you that your love means more to me then you could imagine? You finally said it to me. I knew that you loved me, you wouldn't have continued to visit me if you didn't. It did creep up on us, two disillusioned lost souls. But you never would say it to me. I can understand why, everyone that you ever loved had died on you, so I understand why you wouldn't.

We are supposed to be enemies. That was driven home to me when you were dragged out of here by Chang Wufei. I had so hard tried to create the illusion that it was just us and the world didn't matter. Unfortunately the world kept intruding on our creation. I look forward to peace and a small cabin by the lake.

Treize.

Dear Duo:

I just regained control of the Romafeller foundation. It will be over soon, one way or another. I don't want to be parted from you anymore. Relena is free, I allowed her to got to her brother, to try and convince him that the fighting was futile. I don't think that it will work. Mirialdo or Zechs or whoever he has become is lost to me. I wish that you could have known him before the lust for vengeance hardened his heart to love. I did love him, it was a not the same love that I have for you, it was friendship, respect and shared memories. It was something special, but nothing as consuming as the feelings that I have for you. You are a precious gift that I treasure more then my own life.

I just wish that we could hide from the duty that brought us together, the same one that drives us apart physically. I know that you want to run away with me, but neither one of us can. You do not want to subject anyone else to what you are experiencing, the pain that made you who you are. You also don't want to add the burdens of your fellow pilots, you do not want them to suffer more then they have to. I understand that. I do not want to let others manipulate this war, afraid that more people will get hurt or die because of their loyalty to me. I am honored by those soldiers that are willing to die for me, that have taken me as their cause.

I will end this now, tired from trying to straighten things out, to end this madness faster. I would rather sleep with you in my arms tonight, but you and I will just sleep with the ghosts that haunt us, instead of each other like we should.

Treize

Duo, my sweet,

I am writing you just before I am going into space to fight Mirialdo. A year ago, I couldn't have believed that this would happen. I thought that we 'd be together forever, may be not as lovers but as friends at least. And now I have to go into Space to kill him. I'm sorry to burden you with this, but there is no one else. The price of power does come high. I have no one that I can trust besides you. And you aren't here because of you own obligations.

I just want this to be over, no matter if I win or if I lose. I long to hear your voice, feel you in my arms, smell you. I want to have you cook for me, lie in bed with you in that cabin and feed you strawberries again. I want to live with you, not in our own little bubble, but someplace that we can be together, as a couple. I want to see the mischief come back into your eyes. I want to be with you for the first night that you can sleep through it without nightmares.

Selfish of me isn't it? I only refer to my own needs and wants. I have no idea what you want. What has happened to you. I hope that I would know if you were dead or injured, but I don't know if I could let myself feel that.

I love you. I wish that we could be together forever, I would do anything to ensure that. I am very willing right now to set Space aflame if we could be together sooner.

If anything happens to me, you will get these letters. I don't know how though. Any information that I could give my people would only harm you and what you are fighting for and you don't want that. Surprising that at last we might be on the same side. Mirialdo in his madness has made us allies as well as lovers. Do not think too harshly of my mad, sad, haunted friend. He too has his ghosts that speak to him in dreams. And if it was not for his defection, we would never have been able to know each other. You should at least thank him for that. And because I love him I will go out and kill him before his madness consumes the Earth. What love I have felt for him has turned into sorrow. I mourn him for what he might have been, what we might have had. But that in no way effects my joy that we have found each with other. He was my friend. You are my life, I need you because I love you.

And I love you enough to let you flit away from me, instead of keeping you safe as I should properly do. Strange that I am telling you, my fey lover, this, but as I stated before, I have lost anyone else that I could tell this too. My adored Lady Une lies in a coma, due to the treachery of the Tsubarov, but you heard that at the same time I did. She was like a sister to me, no matter how much she wanted something else. I am glad that she has found a relationship with Relena Peacecraft, no matter how odd it seems. And take care of Relena, she is not the carefree girl she appears to be, but you never were the fool that you played yourself as either.

I must end this now, our forces are gathering at the small mining outpost in Earth's orbit. In a few hours or at the most days, it will all be over. We will either see each other again in this world or the next. But if I should go ahead of you, like so many of those you have loved, do not join me. I can wait. Our relationship has been one of waiting for your visits, I will not be inconsistent enough to be angry that I have to wait for our last one. I want you to live, love again even. Do not live with me as a ghost, faithful to my memory beyond reasonable thought. I can wait. I can share even, because I love you, my sweet Duo.

Treize.


	5. Part 4

Relena pulled into Duo's yard, wondering what she had done in a former lifetime to result in this punishment. She swore that she had loosened a few teeth driving down that damn road. But she wanted to talk to Duo and he wasn't going to visit the Sank Kingdom anytime soon. Une called him fairly regularly, making sure that he had enough to eat, was taking care of himself. Duo enjoyed these small calls and occasionally called Une just to tell her that he was alright. Relena decided that since she had a few days free and Une didn't, she would visit Duo.

Yes, it was rude that she didn't clear this with him ahead of time, but it wasn't like he went anywhere! He walked into town for supplies once a week, took books out of the library and volunteered for story time with the children. Other then that, he was at that cabin, hiding. But he was getting better.

Relena could see that when she talked to him, he was so delighted when he told Une that he wasn't that nervous around Ian or anyone else in town anymore. And that the older man was coming out at night for coffee during the wee hours of the morning because he still couldn't sleep at night. So she was coming out here to hide for a while too. Hopefully Duo would let here. And she had to talk to him, even as screwed up as he was, she knew that he would give her good advice.

She got out of the car and stretched, loosening tense shoulder and neck muscles. May be she could talk him into giving her a massage. Relena walked around the cabin, following the sound of voices, hopefully Duo would be here and she wasn't parking at someone else's cabin in the middle of the woods, at the end of a teeth jarring road. She turned the corner and was happy at seeing Duo sitting outside, even though he had his back to a very large tree, reading a little and watching a bunch of kids their age frolicking in the water.

"Duo!" she called, waving her arms. "Just stopped by for a visit."

Duo looked up from the book that he had been reading and waved back, a big smile on his face. " 'Jousan!" he called waving back. "Never thought that I would see you out here."

"I have a break and I know that I was frightfully rude not to call ahead, but.." Relena let her voice trail off and she smiled winsomely at him. Her arrival was noticed by the others and they startled to get out of the water and greet the newcomer.

Duo ran up to greet her and let Relena give him a gentle hug, without flinching too much. He returned it and laughed a little. "Not like you ever announced when you were coming before, when you were chasing us about. Seems like old times."

"All I need is everyone staring at me like I was the biggest pain in the world."

"Sorry to say, 'Jousan, you were. Do you know how much trouble you caused, with Wufei and Heero?" Duo said quietly before letting her go and turning to the group that was sitting on the dock and openly staring at Relena.

"They're just staring at you now because you're the first visitor that I've had. Be braced for a lot of rude questions."

"Can't be any worse then some of the meetings that I've sat through." Relena murmured back.

Duo laughed again and called out, "Everybody, this is 'Jousan. 'Jousan, that's Tony and Claudia and an assorted cast of kids that like to swim here."

Relena smiled and waved, wondering what they thought she was here for. They were all checking her out but for different reasons. The boys, except for Tony, wondering if she was available. The girls, wondering if she was dating Duo and what she was wearing. Relena was glad that she had dressed down today, wearing casual slacks and a blouse.

Relena glanced over a Duo and frowned. He was still a bit pale and why was he wearing long sleeves and pants? The rest of the crowd was swimming, why wasn't he? He knew how, she saw him swimming at Quatre's once, he wasn't bad at it. She didn't push it though, she thought she knew his reasons. He had some color, but not enough, she decided. But he did look relaxed, and his eyes were a little more alive.

"How did you meet Duo?" Tony asked, his voice breaking through her musings.

"We have mutual friends, we meet a couple of years ago." Relena said, wondering how much of Duo's past these kids knew. And then she realized, none of it. They had the same innocence that her old school clique had. Untouched by worries, or life or anything that would convince them that they could be harmed. And she could write all she knew about Duo before he was a pilot on grain of rice, she didn't know anything about him besides that he was from the L2 sector.

"Really?" asked another girl whose name Relena didn't catch. "He didn't say that he had a girlfriend." Relena could hear the jealousy in her tone.

"Just friends really, never even thought of dating each other." she said with a straight face. _Terrorists don't date. And I don't like men and I don't even know if he likes women._

The rest of the afternoon was filled with such questions. Relena answered all that she could without compromising Duo's reputation, and laughed off the rest. The gang continued to swim until the it got towards suppertime, when they packed up their stuff and headed back to town. Relena shook her head, amused at some of the things that had been said to her.

"They all like you Duo." she said in amusement. "A couple of the girls were ready to fight me for you."

"I'm a new face. And they are trying to be nice to the guy that owns their swimming hole" Duo said quietly.

"No, they like you Duo. Even if you don't swim with them, live out here own your own and cook better then their mothers."

"They're nice," he said wistfully, "They're so innocent. Were we ever that way?"

"I don't know." Relena answered honestly. "I don't think so. It was hard to be innocent when you think about your father crawling into your bed at night, that he takes you everywhere, not because he likes you, but because then he could cheat on his wife with you and she couldn't say a thing. If she even noticed."

Duo turned and stared at her, sorrow in his eyes. "I didn't know. That's why you merrily chased after us. You actually were hoping that Heero would kill you."

"I don't know. It would have been nice. I hated myself. I thought that it was my fault that everything happened. I thought that I tempted him in some way. And then he was killed and I was ashamed at the relief that I felt, that he would never touch me again. When Dr. J told me that I had the same innocent eyes as Heero, all I could think of was that he had lost it. My innocence left when.." Relena's voice trailed off.

Duo moved over to cautiously hug her. "No wonder you thanked 'Neesan for killing him."

"She told you that?" Relena asked.

"In Cologne, when we.." Duo took a deep breath, "We were talking, before we went to.I said something like that it must have been hard, listening about me from Treize, and she said that she had you, it wasn't that bad. And he did need to talk to someone at times."

"We all do. I must confess I'm here for a selfish reason. I need your advice." Relena said, sheepishly.

Duo started laughing, sitting down on the ground after a while when his legs wouldn't hold him any more. " 'Jousan," he gasped. "I'm so screwed up and you're coming to me for advice?"

"Well, yes. And home cooking. I never had anything that you cook and Une gets this look in her eye when she mentions your omelets. " Relena started, "And even screwed up, you should have good advice about things. Just because you have decided that you want to live like a hermit in the woods, doesn't mean that I can't get good advice from you."

"Une just looks funny about me and omelets because that's what I cooked for her after we tried to kill each other over T-chan. And then we decided to split him between us, like he was a doll or something." Duo said wistfully, remembering. "Man, he had nothing in his fridge, I had more food in the safe house. Granted it was mostly leftovers from take out, but it was food. All I could make was omelets. Then I bullied Une into staying for lunch."

"She misses you. She wouldn't mind if you moved in with her. She acts like your cooking is even better then sex."

"What about you? You two are still seeing each other, aren't you?" Duo asked. "Won't that put a cramp on your visits if you have me there?"

"Well, sort of, but that's why I came out to see you. The seeing part not the cramping part." Relena reluctantly admitted.

"Silk Teddies, champagne and whipped cream." Duo teased her.

"What?" Relena exclaimed.

"That will jazz up your love life."

"Silk Teddies?" Relena's tone was skeptical.

"Haven't you noticed that silk is just so.nice?" Duo said with a wistful smile, but those days were over for him. "And we better continue this inside while I throw supper together. I don't have much. But a salad, some veggies and a hamburger sound good to you?"

"Sounds great, I'm just trying to picture you in a silk Teddie."

"You are supposed to wear that, not me." Duo said.

"I don't know." Relena mused.

"You won't either," Duo said quietly. "I don't.." he took a deep breath, "don't think that anyone will see me like that again. I can't. Your brother. I'm sorry" Duo's eyes filled with tears. "I shouldn't tell you this."

"I was there, I sort of saw what he did to you. I think that I can guess the rest." Relena said softly, slowly putting her arms around him. Duo stiffened and then relaxed, letting Relena hug him. He was surprised to find out that it felt good. "Time, you still need time. To heal, not just your body, but your soul. You were fighting for a long time. Long before you were a pilot. It will take time for you to get over that. What happened to you in that storeroom is just another thing that is screwing you up. Treize's death, my brother's abuse, all the fighting. It does add up. You are going to take a long time to heal because it took a long time and a lot to hurt you."

Duo just buried his head in her hair, not trusting his voice. He was ready to cry again. It seemed that there were still days that all he did was cry.

Relena hummed in his ear and rubbed slow, light, gently circles on his back. They stood there like that, Duo shuddering once in while as he tried to control himself, before he lifted his head and smiled faintly at her, "I'm okay now. That just happens. I think that I'm doing okay, that I made a little progress and 'wham' I lose it again."

"Duo, counseling would be good." Relena said softly, "Or may be talking to someone."

"I talk to Ian. Or I listen to Ian, mostly. He's out here late at night. He probably won't be out tonight, cause he won't want to disturb us. No matter what you say, they are going to think that we are sleeping together."

"You don't talk to Ian about the war do you?" Relena asked, "Do they even know that you were involved. Not that you were a Gundam Pilot, but that you saw some action."

"No, they don't." Duo smiled, "Gossip has me hiding out from the law, an ex-girlfriend or being a weird genius working on something out here."

"Where do they come up with this stuff?" Relena asked, hugging Duo tighter.

"It a small town, I was the big excitement when I showed up. You can see it tomorrow if you want. I got to return some books at the Library. Do some shopping. I walk into town, it's only a couple of klicks."

"Walk? Well anything would be better then that road." Relena moaned. "Do you have a car for the winter? It'll be too cold to walk then."

"I got something in the garage. It's below the house. Since I don't have a license, I don't drive it, I keep it here for emergencies more then anything. It old and beat up and I put it together with bailing wire and duct tape."

"You should talk to someone about things if you don't get better." Relena said.

"Eventually." Duo shrugged. "Now I got to get you supper. And if you are a good girl tomorrow I'll treat you to ice cream."

"Oooo, bribery of a government official." Relena teased him.

"Won't be the first time," Duo said, sticking out his tongue at her.

"Don't stick it out unless you're going to use it," Relena said automatically.

"Didn't know that you swung that way, 'Jousan." Duo answered, starting to busy himself with dinner. He cooked quickly, listening to Relena tell him of the gossip at the capital. She didn't mention what else brought her out here and he didn't ask.

They ate slowly, Relena surprised at how good everything tasted. Must be the country air. They settled on the porch to watch the fireflies and the lake after they did the dishes, coffee in hand, content to just sit there.

Relena had fallen asleep, tired from the drive out to Duo's causing Duo to wake her up and escorted in the cabin, bundling her into his bed before he settled on the couch to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Relena woke up the next morning to the smell of coffee and toast. She sniffed appreciatively before stumbling out of Duo's bedroom. The bed was comfy, but small. She didn't think that two people could fit in there comfortably. As she was rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, she was happy to hear Duo laughing, even if it was at her.

"Nice threads 'Jousan." He laughed, "No wonder you're out here for advice, that is not how you keep your love life alive."

Relena stuck out her tongue at him and sat down, blinking at the coffee cup in front of her. Alright a pair of flannel PJ's with kittens and bunnies on them weren't the most romantic things. "They cover what they need to. And I don't wear them around Une. And Mrs. Darlian gave them to me."

"Mrs. Darlian, that's awfully formal even for you." Duo commented, placing a plate of toast in front of her.

"When I found out that she knew what was going on.." Relena's voice trailed off, her tone bitter. "I didn't consider her my mother anymore. She didn't protect me from him and she could have."

"That why you out here?" Duo asked softly.

"Part of it, but I don't want to talk about if now." Relena said, picking up her toast. "And part of it has to do with other things."

"Who? Or what?" Duo asked, sipping at his coffee. Relena frowned at him. "I don't eat in the morning. Too early." _I've been awake for hours, but I'm not interested in food. Everything still tastes odd. I guess I've found out what sorrow tastes like._

"Noin." Relena sighed, giving in, there really was no good time to talk about these things. "She doesn't approve of my relationship with Une. I know that she was there for me during the war. She protected me from the Romafellers, she fought for the Sank Kingdom. But she now thinks that since she might have married my brother, she has some say in my life. And she doesn't like Une. She thinks our relationship is unnatural and I should settle down with a nice boy. Or Heero Yuy."

"Noin and reality didn't talk all the time." Duo said quietly. "I think that's why she got along with your brother so well. She didn't believe that he was sleepin' with T-chan the same time as he was with her." Duo stared into his cup, lost in his memories for a moment. "I know that she and Une didn't get along when they worked together during that battle. Une pulled some really silly moves, like with forcing Heero to blow himself up. They were hostile to each other in the control center that entire battle. And a couple of other things.


	6. Part 5

"I have to leave"

"Why?" _You never stay long enough, Trowa my love._

"Things that I have to check out." _I love you, but I'm torn. Will what we had during the war survive?_

"I love you. Tell Catherine that I said 'hi'."

"I'm not going back to the circus." _You do not want to know where I'm going. I'm returning to the nightmare that was my life as Nanashi._

"Oh. I'll check on her then. Don't worry about her. No matter what happens, you know she's an honorary Winner sister. Mine all got together and voted on it. She's adopted into the family, forever."

"Thank you. I think. Have you informed her of that?" _Quatre, she doesn't need your protection. But you do that with people. You try to protect them._

"She laughed. She was happy that her family is growing. She adopted all of us whenever we went there to stay, even when she was mad at us for taking you away from her."

"Quatre.I'm sorry." _You don't know how much I have to leave, to protect you, even though I want to stay. I can't understand why we do this, this odd dance of ours. You let me go, hoping that I will come back to you, not knowing if I'll just walk out on you like I walked into you life._

"About what?" _Trowa I love you. I know you need to still figure that out because of all the confusion that was in our relationship from the beginning. And you don't think that I should love you because a group of sadists used you. It wasn't your fault. And I understand if you can't let me get that close, but try to let me in._

"That I can't stay with you." _It hurts me. I love you. I trust you. I'm just too frightened to stay with you. You overwhelm me just being there._

"I know. _You'll come back. At least that much is true. And do you notice that the time away is shorter now? You are coming back to me, so I will be happy._


	7. Part 6

"Quatre, have you seen Wufie or heard from him? Either you or Trowa. He's disappeared like Duo.

"No I haven't Heero," Quatre said with concern, "When was this?"

"A couple of weeks ago. He's just gone, his possessions, everything. And he didn't leave a note. I checked in the police, hospital and the morgue databases, he isn't listed in any of them," Heero said quietly.

"Heero, are you alright? And did you talk to the police or just hack into their system?" Quatre asked in concern. _You sound so lost, like you are trying to think of what to say next, to say the accepted thing instead of what you want to._

"Yes. No. I don't know. It's difficult at times to function. I have no guidelines.. No experience. I feel odd. Out of place. I don't know what to do next. I'm hesitant to talk to the police, I haven't had to deal with them before and old habits are hard to break." _I don't know why I even called you, but I do know that I need help, functioning, the small things that I don't know shows me that. And you were the only one that thought to call. Can call. I didn't realize it until now that you are the only one that I trust to guide me. If you say no I don't know what I will do. I haven't sunk low enough to call Relena._

"What you are doing next is coming to me on L4. Don't argue. You can look for Wufei in your spare time. I don't think he is going to deal with the police either. I need someone to help me run things here. I know that you have a good head on your shoulders, when you're not trying to kill yourself, you could put it to work for me. No strings." Quatre said firmly. _I'm lonely and I don't know what to do next sometimes myself. Trowa spends more time away then here and sometimes I just need someone to talk to. Someone my own age who's seen what I've seen._


	8. Part 7

"He's at that address if you want to find him Heero." Relena said.

"Why the change of heart?" Heero asked sarcastically. "You didn't want us to find him before?"

"I think he could deal with you now, besides," her voice softened, "you have some idea of what he went through."

"That is none of your business!" Heero growled. _Do not start now, I thought I was free of you. Then you just show up again, with no warning._

"No it isn't, but if you have found him right afterwards, what would you have done with him? Or to him?" Relena asked curiously. "He is trying to heal himself where he is. I think that he's ready to talk to you again."

"That is none of your business. And how do you know where he is, if the rest of us couldn't find him."

Relena smirked at him "I had help. And an inside tip, you might say. Just be gentle with him, he's fragile."

"Your acting like he isn't the same person that we worked with," Heero said, puzzled.

"Did you ever know him? I didn't. I don't think you did, but did you care then? He pulled own his weight and more, until you found him in bed with Treize, and then you acted like his was the enemy. He wasn't. He was confused kid that was being pulled in too many directions. Duo finally broke, Heero. And there was no one to put the pieces back together. So he's trying to do it himself, but I think that he needs to see you and Quatre to get some more of them back in place."

"I don't believe you Relena." Heero said _What is your motive in this? Do you like Duo? Or is this another game to you, like chasing me throughout the war. You lost interest in me as soon as peace was declared._

"Why? Because I feel that I owe Treize for getting me out of the Romafeller's hands during the war? Because Duo saved me from whatever madness my brother was suffering from?" Relena quietly asked. "You don't know me. I don't know you. And I'm pretty sure that you never bothered to know Duo. He wouldn't let you. So try now. He needs a friend, someone who knew him when he was better. You and Quatre are it. He will relate to you easier then me. You were in the trenches with him, you swam through the same cesspool. I didn't, so I can't help him."

"We'll go to see him," Heero grudgingly admitted, "But I can't promise anything."

"Just try, because he needs someone." Relena said smiling happily at him, "I can't be that someone. The people that he has now can't be that either."


	9. Part 8

Heero and Quatre were silent as they drove to their destination. Heero almost never talked, and Quatre wasn't sure about the reception that they were going to get. Duo had disappeared after the last battle with White Fang. He had helped save the world and then went back to the obscurity that he came from.

Quatre had spent time looking for him on L2 after everything had died down, but a recent message from Lady Une, of all people, told him that Duo was still on Earth. Heero was still wondering how Relena knew where Duo was. She had been the one in the beginning that told them to leave him alone. She must have changed her mind or Duo might have told her that he was ready to talk to them again.

Heero had appeared on his door step a few months ago looking for Wufei. The two of them had stayed together after the war, but Wufei had disappeared and Heero was starting to worry. He understood that Wufei sometimes needed time alone, but it had been too long since he had heard from his lover. He thought that Quatre might know where he was or allow him to stay with him, while Heero looked on his own. Even with Wufei's help Heero had a difficult time adjusting to civilian life. He felt more secure around people that he knew. Quatre was just glad to have someone to fuss over, since Trowa and their relationship was an on and off experience most of the time. Not that they didn't love each other, it was that they weren't able to settle down. Heero didn't mention it, but he had been very hurt and stunned that Wufei had decided to walk out on their relationship without a word.

Quatre felt guilty that he hadn't helped Duo more when they were pilots together. Duo had admitted that part of it was his fault, he didn't want to get closer to them for fear that they would be hit by his bad luck. He preferred to keep them entertained with the clown's mask that he wore, rather then let them get to know him. He also had turned out to be the scientists favorite whipping boy and was assigned dirtiest and most objectionable assignments.

The nastiest one Quatre thought was the fact that they had told Duo that he was to seduce Treize Khushrendra. That the two of them had fallen love was odd, they seemed to have nothing in common. Quatre wondered if their relationship would have survived after the war. He snorted. None of the bonds that were developed during that time survived really. Trowa was away more then he was with Quatre. Wufei had disappeared one day, leaving a stunned Heero behind. Heero never talked much about their relationship after he came to live with Quatre. But that wasn't unusual, Heero talked less then Trowa most of the time. But he was someone that he could lean on. And he was wondering if that was a good thing, since Trowa and Wufei had disappeared, leaving them alone. And Quatre was beginning to have stray -yearnings?- about the other silent pilot in his life.

Now, after almost a year of ignoring Duo was going to barge into his life and demand that he destroy his Gundam. Quatre felt guilt about that, but they had to be destroyed. If they were still around, this fragile peace might be broken.

As Quatre watched the countryside pass, he looked around at the rural area that Duo supposedly chose to settle down in. It was deserted. The occasional farmhouse, cows and fields. Not the place to find a former Gundam pilot.

"Are you sure that it's Duo?" Quatre asked worriedly. You triple checked the information that Relena handed you because you didn't trust her. I hope that all that effort was worth it and we're not chasing phantoms. But it matched what Une had given me later, so it should be right. Une still has the ability to get all the information she wants.

"Short, long braid, purple eyes. Not many people match that description. Comes into town about once a week to get supplies. Does some tutoring and volunteers at the library, with the children. Doesn't seem to need money. Has to be Duo." Heero grunted. Didn't think that Duo liked children, but then I didn't think about him much at all. He was just there. Then he was gone because of his orders that those bastards gave him, and then no one could trust him. I wonder how he managed to keep himself together. According to Relena he hasn't, but she almost was a big a flake as her brother, so that might not be true.

He was as surprised as Quatre that Duo had retreated to this place. He didn't think that Duo would get into country living. Relena had hinted that Duo disappearing wasn't their fault, he just had a few things to work out. That he looked like hell on the monitor during the last battle with the White Fang hadn't escaped Heero's notice. Something had gone on between Zechs and Duo when Duo was his prisoner, but Heero could never find out what it was. Wufei killing Treize hadn't helped things either.

That Relena and Duo seemed to be getting along was suspicious, he didn't think that the airhead blonde liked any of the other pilots, including himself. She just had chased him because she was bored. Now that she was Vice Minster to the colonies, she kept out of his way. It must be keeping her occupied. But she had apparently had become friendly with Duo, after telling them that he just wanted to be left alone. Or it might have started earlier, he did run off to rescue her fast enough.

Quatre mused trying to analyze the information that he had, to figure out what they would find at the end of their journey. Hell, Duo had disappeared to rescue her off the PeaceMillion after Zechs's little announcement. Heero or Wufei wouldn't have bothered. If she was stupid enough to get herself into trouble in the first place.. And Trowa was more worried about him then anything else. So Duo must like her at least. Might even love her. He ran to her rescue fast enough.

Quatre sighed and stared out the window some more. The final battle was a blur to him. The stress from the ZERO system and his injury from Dorothy made things a bit fuzzy. It was a just a collection if hazy images until a few days later and Quatre found out that Duo had disappeared after he found out that Wufei had killed Treize. No message or anything. He was just left in his Gundam. Quatre hoped that the other pilot had found some measure of peace. And that they were not going to hurt him be reappearing into his life.

Heero turned up an overgrown pathway, that had been listed as a road by someone at sometime. In the summertime you would have a hard time even knowing that there was a road there. It was only because it was winter that Quatre even knew that something was there. But if it had snowed they would have never found it. Heero drove up the rutted track, ignoring the bone jarring jounces that the ruts made. He couldn't believe that this was the only road to Duo's place. There must be another way in.

After a few minutes, Quatre was thankful that a small cabin came into sight. It was close to a lake and looked deserted except for the bike that was parked on the porch. Heero drove up and parked next to the door, not caring to figure out if he was supposed to park there or if he was parking on top of a garden. They both climbed out of the car and stretched, tired after the long drive to this place. Heero eyed the small cabin, taking in the solid build and small windows. It looked like an easily defended place. Quatre sighed and walked up to the door. He really didn't want to do this. He knocked hesitantly and waited. He knew that Heero wouldn't make the first move.

Quatre wondered if there was anyone home after standing there in silence for a few minutes. He raised his hand to knock again when he saw Duo peering out one of the windows. He waited and was rewarded with the door opening and Duo gesturing him to come inside.

"I'm sorry it took so long. I didn't hear the door, Tony and I were working on a problem and I wasn't paying attention." he said. I hoped that it was the wind, because I still really can't face anyone that knew me. 'Neesan is tiring enough and she won't push. And she's thousands of klicks away, the worse she can do is nag. You will fuss Quatre and before I know it, I'll be dragged someplace so that I can get help. I don't want to be helped. I never got it before, so I don't need it now.

Quatre sighed and reached over to give Duo a hug. Duo returned it silently.

After a minute Quatre looked up and gently sighed. "You've changed." What happened to you? You didn't quite flinch when I touched you but it was close. And you always liked to be touched. Boston you were all over me when I told you that Treize had been arrested.

Duo shrugged, "It happens. May be this is more the real me then the person that you saw, all that time ago. Have a cup of coffee while Tony works on his last problem and then I send him home. You guys alone?"

Heero ignored the question and automatically checked out the room before he fractionally relaxed. Tony didn't even try to look like he was working as he stared at Duo's uninvited guests. Quatre and Heero stared back at Tony. He was a big kid, a little older then they were, who looked like he could wrestle Leos barehanded. He had a friendly open face, light hair and blue eyes.

"Tony, stare later, work now. When is the placement test for the Academy? How bad are you at physics?" Duo chided his student. Tony blushed and at least tried to work on the problem, listening to Duo and Quatre with half an ear. Heero had just found a chair and sat down, eyeing the entire room.

"Yes." Quatre said quietly. I know you don't want us here, or you would have gotten in touch with us. But I have to talk to you, then I'll leave you alone. If you need that. Lady Une is worried, which is why she finally told me where you are. And nothing worries that woman.

"There are no hard feelings, Heero. You and Wu should know that," Duo said softly, before going back to the table to check Tony's work. "It was business. I understand business" I was in the business since I was seven. I understood the difference between enjoying what you were doing and enduring it for money or duty, or friends.

"You're tutoring for the Preventer Academy's entrance exams?" Quatre asked, trying to make small talk. They couldn't blurt out the real reason why they were here in front of a stranger. Duo tutoring was strange. He usually had the worst grades of the group. Duo said that it didn't matter what he did, he wasn't going to college and he probably would be dead in month why work at it? It didn't mean that he as stupid or lazy, just unmotivated, as more then one teacher had complained.

"Physics and Math. Tony's bright and he's wants some extra tutoring to make sure that he passes it."

"You slept through physics most of the time." Heero said, looking out the window. Duo the clown shouldn't be out here like this. It was break in his mask that showed something was wrong. It was too alone. Duo used to need people like he needed to breath.

"I was bored. Same damn lesson most of the time. I needed to know what I did, so why push it?" Duo said lightly, checking Tony's math. "Not bad, but why don't we call it a day. Call me before you stop by. Might not be around." Duo said, shoving an obviously curious Tony out the door.

"You gonna be okay?" Tony asked before Duo closed the door, looking worried.

"They're old friends Tony. No problems. " Duo reassured him. He grinned suddenly, " 'sides what was the first thing that I taught you?"

"Little doesn't mean helpless." Tony mumbled, blushing. It had been a painful lesson. Duo was half his size and he cleaned his clock, twice before Tony got it. It didn't help that Duo had been not in the best shape at the time, still didn't look it. But these two looked tough. Not the blonde really, but darker kid looked dangerous. And these were people that Duo said were friends? No wonder he was living out here.

"Then stop worrying." Duo said. "Study if you're bored. Academy is tough, I've been told. The instructors will eat you for breakfast." Tony sighed and rode off on his bike,

"So what brings you around here?" Duo asked bluntly. It had been a while. He'd disappeared so that they wouldn't find him. T-chan's death had been hard on top his experience with Zechs and Epyon. He just wanted to get away from it all. They must have thought that he had gone back to L2 if it took them this long to find him. Or had they actually listened to Relena's request that they leave him alone. Quatre sipped at his coffee and Heero just stared at him, nothing really had changed it seemed.

"Man, where is Wufei? Where's Trowa?" Duo asked, concentrating on pouring his coffee. He was proud to see that his hand wasn't shaking. If he thought about it, would he would be scared silly right now. What did they want? He missed the stricken look in Heero's eyes, as he sipped at his drink. "I'm not mad at him. T-chan knew that it was needed, I knew that it would happen and Wufei actually was sorta innocent in the mess, so he shouldn't have not come."

"Wufei disappeared about five months ago," Quatre said quietly. "Trowa comes and goes. Heero's been staying with me."

"Shit!" Duo cursed quietly. "You guys were good for each other." he told Heero, "You kept each other sane." Man, I knew that you should be together when I saw you on the PeaceMillion. You were mad that I was cuddlin' him, but happy that I did. And that I was nice to you. Even if you couldn't figure out the why of it.

"How did you know that Wufei would kill Treize?" Heero asked, unable to call the enemy 'T-chan'.

"Epyon." Duo replied closing his eyes. "Damn thing told me it might happen. I already knew that Treize Khushendra had to die or disappear, so I created an alternative identity for T-chan. If he could make it here, he was golden. I told him that the last time I saw him, in Luxembourg." The pangs of loneliness were getting easier to handle, but they kept coming at odd moments.

"Duo, I hate to disturb you, but where is Shinigami?" Quatre asked, hating to see the pain on Duo's face. I didn't realize how much he meant to you. I should have. I'm sorry.

"Out in the lake under meters of water and mud. I ditched him out there that night and swam ashore. Hid out here for a while. After a time I started going into town for supplies. They got to know me and I haven't had any trouble." Little, harmless and innocent looking does go a long way.

"I want to destroy them." Quatre said passionately. "The war is over and they have no use any more."

"I think a few fish will argue with that," Duo joked. "I'll dive in the morning, cause it's getting dark. You can stay the night. I got stew for supper and some homemade bread. You guys get the bed. I'll take the sofa."

"Nice place." Heero said. Easily defensible and only one road in. A good place to hide. But you always were good at hiding, hiding yourself, your motives, your assignments. Better then I was.

"T-chan found it. I bought it from the State for back taxes. It's comfortable. I don't need much." Duo said shortly. A small silence fell over the group as Quatre ran through topics in his head that wouldn't upset either Heero or Duo. Quatre was surprised that it was Heero that broke the silence, Duo usually had been the one that filled in the uncomfortable silences with his chatter.

"You've been doing okay?" Heero asked. One of them had to be. It wasn't him or Quatre. Trowa wondering in and out of his life hurt that petite blonde more then he would admit. Fussing over Heero helped the pain a bit, he hoped. That was the main reason that he stayed. And he was starting to enjoy being fussed over by Quatre.

"I never knew that you cared." Duo teased him, shaking off his mood. "I survived. I'm very good at that. I like being alone, now. I read, listen to music and cook. Tony comes for the food more then the tutoring."

"You and he?" Quatre asked, hoping that Duo had managed to find someone to help him get over Treize. He had winced at the slight bitterness on the words alone and now. They had abandoned Duo when he needed them and Quatre guessed that it still hurt.

"Nah. He's got a sweet girl. Her name is Claudia. She comes by on occasion. Her father's the local sheriff. She reads while we work. And asks about the big city. Tries to fix me up with her friends." Tries to figure out why a little kid would live out here on his own.

"What have you've all been doing?" Duo asked as he started dinner. Please something nice, something harmless. I need to hear good things about you guys, to tell me it was all worth it.

"Heero helps me with the security end of the businesses. That's a full time job. I run the rest of the companies with the help of my sisters and Rashid. We all keep busy. Occasionally I run into Noin or Lady Une." Quatre said.

"Be nice Une, she's got her hands full. Being the head of the Preventers is a thankless job. She calls to see if I'm still breathing every month or so. Tells me her troubles." Noin can go for a walk outside a colony without a suit. I'm surprised she talks to you considering how she's reacted to Une and Relena being together.

"So that's why Relena knew where to sort of look for you." Quatre exclaimed.

"She asked Lady Une."

"She worries about me." Duo shrugged, not bothering to say if it was Une or Relena was the one that was worried.

He set the table and started dishing out stew and cutting bread. He motioned for the others to sit down and enjoy it.

"Why?" Heero asked suspiciously. Relena and Duo? Nothing had been said, but Heero never really found out much about the other two, not that he really wanted to. They both wore excellent masks, it had been a surprise that Relena actually had a brain under all that hair.

"Ask her the next time that you see her. Tell her that I said she could. It's complicated." Duo replied simply.

Quatre shook his head wondering what else had been going on that no one had wanted to tell them about. Duo sleeping with Khushrendra was bad enough!

Quatre frowned and ate his stew while he thought. It was really good stew. He hadn't remembered that Duo was that good a cook. But there was something that he was missing, something important that nagged at his mind. He narrowed his eyes and looked at Duo.

"Zechs got rough on you while he had you, didn't he?" Quatre demanded.

Duo shrugged and put down his spoon. "Yeah Zechs got rough on me." Duo said quietly, not looking at either of them. What did you expect Quatre? The man had just declared war on the Earth. That showed that he wasn't too stable to begin with. Or had gone overboard on sniffing the hair gel. And into his arms falls his ex-lover's current squeeze. He must of thought I was a gift from God.

"I'm sorry." Quatre said quietly. I'm sorry, but I was barely breathing at the time, I don't remember any of it. It was like a dream.

"I got over it. But it made things a little difficult. That's why I never said good bye. I was a little weirded out." Duo shrugged.

A little difficult was an understatement. Shinigami was soaked in blood after the battle. Duo wasn't sure if he could stand up, never mind walk. Zechs had done a number on him. So he ditched his mate in the lake, swam ashore and collapsed in the cabin. He knew that he should have seen a doctor, but had lacked the ambition or interest to do so. He had been hurt that badly before and healed without help, he could do so again. After Treize's death, he really didn't care if he lived or died.

"What did that matter?" Heero asked. Zechs should have hated me, but seemed more interested in killing Duo, but he couldn't get to him, I kept interfering. Why did he hate Duo?

"Zechs walked out on T-chan and wasn't too happy that I was the replacement." Duo said, staring at his food. He broke me though, and I had no one to put me back together, so he did succeed. "Relena felt bad that I got hurt trying to rescue her. I had told her that Zechs was a little off."

Duo's announcement killed any small talk that Quatre wanted. Heero ate silently, not knowing what to say to help Duo. That had always been his job in the group. Duo didn't feel like falling into the old pattern of cheering them up so he just sat there and waited for them to finish, so that he could clean up. Remembering what happened killed any interest that he had in eating. Not that he had much any more. Food tasted neutral most of the time. He ate only to because he had to, really.

Heero wandered over to examine the book titles while Duo washed up and Quatre helped him. There wasn't enough room for the three of them to help. He grunted when he saw some of the titles.

"These yours?" he called back.

"Yeah." Duo replied. A legacy from a dead lover who knew that I'd rather of talked about books or anything else, then the future with him. And now I can 't because he's gone. I wish I could have though. Whispered something to him that I believed that we'd survive together. But I didn't want to lie to him.

"Didn't know that you liked the classics. I thought you were more of a Manga reader, rather then the collected works of Tsu Sun, Seneca and Plato."

"You didn't ask and I didn't tell. Did any of us know the real person behind the mask that we showed?" Duo challenged him.

"No," Heero replied thoughtfully. "We ignored you most of the time."

"That's the past." Duo said. "I wasn't interested in you guys either."

"Really?" Heero asked, raising and eyebrow. "I caught you checking me out in the beginning." I was waffling about giving into that weakness with you, and then Wufei and I just clicked. One moment we were working out and the next we were tearing at each other's clothes and trying to screw each other silly.

"You got Wufei and I got T-chan. As I said it was the past." Duo replied flatly. He wasn't interested. Celibacy was nice. It was restful. He didn't miss sex, he missed T-chan. Relena and Une were saying that he needed counseling after his encounter with Zechs, but Duo wasn't up to that yet. He just wanted to hide a little while longer.

Heero raised an eyebrow at him and shrugged. Duo was a bit edgy with them here. He felt sorry about that. But Quatre wanted to find Duo, if only to see if he was alright, and destroy the Gundams. And Heero wanted to make Quatre happy. He had saved his sanity after Wufei had left him and he owed the other boy a lot.

"And if Tony didn't have a nice girl?" Heero asked bluntly. "Or if you told his girlfriend the truth?"

"He does, so I don't have to cross that bridge.' Duo said quietly. "And I don't think she cares. And I'm not interested."

"Heero," Quatre said quietly. "I think that we've imposed upon Duo long enough. This isn't an interrogation. Let the past go."

"Quatre, it's okay." Duo smiled at him. "Heero's just bein' himself. And he's trying to help. Just doesn't have the manners part down yet."

"Well what do you do around here for entertainment?" Quatre asked, trying to change the subject. This place is desolate. I saw more wildlife then people. And what about that road? Do you want to be alone that much?

"In the summer time, I watch the stars and the lake. Always something happening out there. It's too cold to sit outside now, so I read a lot. Was thinking of learning how to ski or snowshoe when the snow comes." Duo said.

"Are you doing okay?" Quatre asked gently.

"Not really." Duo admitted. "Are any of us? What happened to us during that year isn't just going to go away overnight. Heero, me and Trowa knew nothing outside that damn war. You and Wufei grew up in a nice normal home, had childhoods. It's going to take a lot of adjusting for me to get used to being a civilian. That I got a little beat up and stuff just made it harder."

"You should get help." Heero commented. Zechs did break you. Or at least finished the burnout job that was happening to you. Or else you wouldn't be out here, alone. Even I can figure that out, no wonder Relena is frantic about you. Her visit to me proved that. No flirting, no smiles, just handed me the address and said she hoped that I could help you. That Quatre got the same information of Lady Une was unusual too. I didn't think that those two got along. Relena did try to kill her.

"Right after you do." Duo teased. "Or is one of Quatre's many sisters a shrink and she's been treating you in exchange for services rendered?"

"No, but they all recommended someone." Heero said. "I was thinking of going to her. I just haven't been able to talk to someone besides Quatre about Wufei's leaving me. One day he was there and the next, he was gone. No warning or anything."

"That sucks. Wufei was always a decent guy. He would have told you why he was walking out." Duo commented.

"Not if he didn't want to hurt me. He'd been having trouble sleeping. Felt restless. Was trying to decide if he wanted to continue with his education or what. He didn't know if he could convince Universities to accept the work that he had done, that had been destroyed when his colony blew itself up. He had some of it, but." Heero's voice trailed off.

"That and trying to explain to a civie shrink the relationships involved. Most sixteen years olds don't settle down like we did." Duo grinned at Heero. Heero quirked his lips back. It was the closest that he got to smile now a days. Not that he had smiled much before.

"Most fifteen year olds aren't terrorists either," Quatre pointed out.

"True enough." Duo chuckled. " 'Well how did you meet your partner? What was your first date like?' type questions fall flat here."

Quatre's eyes lit up for a second as he remembered how he met Trowa. Duo smiled at that look and reached out and tousled his hair.

"You both look beat." Duo said. "I'll get the bed ready. Do you mind sharing? I want to warn you that it's kinda small."

Heero and Quatre shook their head no. Sharing a bed was a habit that they really hadn't outgrown from their Gundam days. Sleeping with someone occasionally was comforting, even if there wasn't sex involved. But with the way things were going, Heero didn't think that they'd be doing it much longer. It was too much of a temptation for him.

"There's a loft, what's up there?" Quatre asked.

Duo stopped for a second and closed his eyes. "I don't go up there." he said shortly.

"Why? You seemed to be moving okay." Quatre persisted innocently.

"There's a nice feather bed, big enough for two people. T-chan and I spent our one afternoon here up in that room. I don't go up there. The memories still hurt." Duo said. Don't make me remember Quatre. It still hurts that he was so close to surviving and then he was gone. I don't care if he had left me because I wasn't the same person he had loved, just so that he was still breathing. Because then I could say that someone had survived me.

"I'm sorry," Quatre said, walking over to give Duo a hug, ignoring the flinch. "I didn't want to hurt you."

"You didn't know." Duo said quietly. "We were here trying to decide what to do about the Mad Five."

"What do you mean, what to do?" Heero asked curiously.

Duo shrugged. "We were deciding what to do about the fact that they were taping us in his bedroom. T-chan always knew that I jumped into bed with him 'cause of orders. He never did tell me why he let me continue. And that was before he found out that there was a line waiting to form outside his door if I didn't please him. He always thought it was obscene that they treated me as a thing, not a person. He always gave me the option of walking away. He said that he would have figured something out to keep you guys safe. May be jump 'Neesan. She wouldn't have argued about it. I don't think."

"They were taping you in bed?" Heero asked stunned. Not a moment to yourself, no wonder you looked like zombie most of the time.

Quatre blushed and nodded. "Lady Une told me about that, I didn't know if you knew. I thought that was appalling that they were doing that to you."

"Quatre did it ever dawn on you that we were just tools to those bastards? They thought that I should have been grateful to them for getting off me the street. G couldn't understand why the hell I was upset that he pulled half the crap that he did on me. I'd been peddling my ass for years, why shouldn't he gotten a piece of it? That after all the training that I got and the shit he put me through, wondering aloud until Operation Meteor started if it wasn't better to space me and start over again. That was one of his threats. So I was very happy when that scum blew up in the last battle."

"Duo. They're dead, you can get on with your life." Heero said quietly.

"I have Heero. I've started to find out who I was meant to be, may be. Not who the street or the Docs created. Not the mask that I showed you guys. So I have gotten on with my life, in a way." Duo said peacefully. "I promised myself that if I survived. Just wished T-chan did too."

 

 

Heero sat down at the table opposite Duo. "Sorry if I woke you." Heero apologized. He couldn't sleep and had been sneaking out of the bedroom to walk outside when he noticed that Duo was awake too. They had both decided to get up and stop pretending that sleep was something that they were going to get more of. Neither one of them wanted to wake up Quatre.

"I don't sleep much, " Duo shrugged. "I'm awake all hours of the night. I'll put on some coffee and may be we can talk. Quatre hopefully will sleep though it." I didn't wake up screaming this time. I'm proud of that little fact, just so you wouldn't know how bad it is.

"Okay." Heero said, watching Duo make the coffee and poke through the cabinets and talking to him.

"Cookies." Duo tossed over his shoulder as he grabbed a tin with a cat on it. "I've got some around here. I also got brownies and other stuff. I was baking for a party at the Library."

"You bake?" Heero asked. I never realized that you could do other things besides what I saw of you. That was mostly blow things up and act like a clown.

"Not a bad one, if I do say so myself. I've got a devoted following for my cookies." Duo boasted. He continued in a teasing tone, "While you four where testing the mattresses at Quatre's place, I was making nice with the cook. Usually got some helpful tips and stuff. I cooked at the orphanage."

"Ah" was Heero's comment as he grabbed a chocolate chip cookie out of the tin. He was trying to ignore the fact that Duo was wandering around in shorts and a tank top. It was slightly disturbing to his hormones. He wished that Duo was wearing more clothes. He wanted to be wearing something else, but he didn't want to appear uncomfortable in front of Duo by asking him to put on more clothes or putting on more clothes himself. Duo had seen him wander around in his spandex far too often to be effected by it. What orphanage? And why were the lights so low in here, Duo wasn't trying anything strange he hoped, not with Quatre sleeping in the other room. But his hormones where cheering at the thought, and his shorts were getting snug.

"Where's Trowa?" Duo asked. "He hasn't disappeared too?"

"Said he was checking something out, but that was a while ago." Heero replied. "Not that he was around much. Floats in and out of the circus and Quatre's place."

"He's afraid that something is going to blow up in his face, I bet." Duo said thoughtfully, pouring coffee for Heero and himself.

"He should tell Quatre that. Quatre thinks that he's the one screwing up." We've had a lot of late night talks. And snuggling. Scared the crap out of me when Quatre first did it, but it was nice too. Trowa might find that he doesn't have anything to come back to, if things continue this way. Or at least not what he left.

"He would," Duo said contemplatively, "Guilt and responsibility since day one does that to you. You wanna talk about Wufei?"

"Why?" Heero asked, troubled that Duo would care. But he remembered walking in on Duo cuddling Wufei after the other boy had returned to the PeaceMillion. Duo had tucked him into bed also after making him cuddle up with Wufei. Duo just seemed to be a person that cared, that part of him hadn't changed. He was willing to reach out to his fellow pilots no matter what problems he had. It hadn't escaped Heero's notice that Sally Po was sleeping with Duo on the PeaceMillion. Quatre had said it was for his own protection, not because they didn't trust him. But who on the PeaceMillion had Duo need protection from?

"Talkin' about your problems means you don't ask about mine." Duo smiled at him. "And it helps." I keep you talking about Wufei and you stop looking at me like that. I'm just hoping that you don't notice the scars. You've seen me without my clothes on too much not to notice them. And you can guess where I got them. But I didn't think that you'd be awake too, so I thought I was safe. And you would have known something was wrong if I started throwing on clothes just to chat. We spent too much time wandering around each other in our shorts.

"Hnn" Heero thought about the offer and watched Duo. This was the first time that he had seen the other boy with his hair out of the braid that he always had it in. He hadn't realized how much of it there was or how beautiful Duo was with it hanging free down his back and over his shoulders. The low light, Duo's lack of clothing and Heero's loneliness combined to remind Heero how desirable Duo was.

"I can see why Treize didn't kick you out of bed." Heero said and flushed when he realized how tactless that sounded. He really did have to work on his manners. Reminding Duo of his dead lover was not going to get him into his bed any faster.

Duo laughed and shook his head. "You saw Zechs. Une is beautiful too. It wasn't my looks that kept me in T-chan's bed. " Heero's bluntness was nice. A polite Heero would have scared him. But he was going in a direction that Duo didn't want to go. Once he might of but it had been too much time and damage for him to think about it again.

"But those two are crazy." Heero pointed out. Zechs and Treize? That is odd. I know Duo told me earlier about that relationship, but I still can't believe it.

"So am I," Duo teased him.

"Nasty crazy" Heero explained. "Zechs roughed you up because Treize didn't want him anymore. Did he think that whatever he did would ruin what you had with Treize? Wufei told me that he loved you a lot. Une just is odd."

"Your still mad about her makin' you blow yourself up." Duo smiled and then got serious. "Une's been helping me a lot. She walked me through.getting some stuff settled. Zechs just got into hurting people. He hurt T-chan before he walked out on him. And then was pissed that T-chan wasn't happy to resume their relationship when he broke into that Luxembourg estate and took Epyon. That I was sleeping a few meters away from him when he pulled that shit didn't help. I threatened to kill him if he touched T-chan again, because he didn't want Zechs anymore. Even if I wasn't on the scene. So when he caught me trying to sneak Relena out of the Libra, he went nuts on me. His ex-lover and his sister preferred me to him. His ego couldn't take it."

"Hn" Ego was a lot with Zechs, he may have had as rotten a childhood as the rest of us, but he didn't have to be such a bastard about things.

"Come on, Wufie is a nice guy. A little uptight, but you relaxed each other a lot." Duo smiled, thinking of the past. "When he caught me with T-chan, he sat around drinking juice and swapping small talk with T-chan while I took a shower. Small talk and Wufie don't go together, that must have been hard. He didn't want me lookin' like I had been screwing around. Wufei wanted to give me anything that I needed to defend myself. That's not the action of the guy that walked out on you." Duo finished thoughtfully. Stop looking at me like that Heero, because I'm going to panic if you don't. I can't handle the attention. And I don't think that you're going to let me take my time about things.

"Why don't you sleep?" Heero asked, even though he could guess the answer. He wanted to change the subject, distract himself from watching Duo.

"Dreams," Duo replied quietly. "Of before the war, of after I was a pilot. Almost anything at all. I hate my dreams. You're up for the same reason. Sleep isn't a friend. It's our new enemy."

"I wonder what I could have done to keep Wufei with me. Or at least tell me why he left." Heero said quietly, staring at his half eaten cookie. Why was he telling this to Duo? They'd never been close, they had even tried to kill each other a couple of times. So what was it about him that made Heero want to tell him everything? That he was nice to him once? That he'd taken the effort to help Wufei when he couldn't? That he was hoping that it would lead to him and Duo going some place and screwing like minks?

"Wufei is screwed up. We all are." Duo said. "But he survived his colony blowing up and a war he wanted to die in. And the last person that he killed was a friend, sort of in weird way. In another time they might have been friends. They had the same code of honor thing going for them, so T-chan was not really his enemy. It was so confusing at the end. Survivor's guilt is a terrible thing. It eats you up."

"How do you know?" Heero asked harshly, ashamed that he was talking to Duo about this. He had always been self reliant. That's what he'd been trained to be. But that training wasn't helping him survive as a civilian, talking to Quatre was. And now he was clouding his judgment further for a pair of pretty eyes and hair he wanted to drown himself in.

Duo stared at him with his pretty, sad eyes. "I was the only survivor out over two hundred kids from the Maxwell orphanage. The Feds leveled the place while I was someplace else, causing them trouble. About half of the kids I ran on the streets with before that died in a plague. My family as killed when I was three. I am fucking indestructible. I know the voices that talk to you, blaming you that you didn't die with them." Duo didn't mention T-chan. He didn't have to.

Heero sighed. "I didn't know." That's why you and Wufei were doing that. You knew what he was going through, even if the rest of us just thought we did.

"As I said I didn't want to know you guys. I thought that was we were doing was dangerous enough without the Maxwell jinx."

"And afterward?" Heero asked. "After peace broke out." Give me a sign that you want something. That you know what you're doing to me.

"I wanted to be alone. I wanted to mourn and put my life together." Duo said, ignoring the stinging in his eyes. It had gotten less and less of a problem in the months that followed Zechs' attempt to destroy the Earth, he cried a lot during the first months after T-chan's death. Must have saved up all the tears that he couldn't cry before. But as he pulled himself together, got more involved with the people around him, the periodic crying jags had stopped. Now all he had left to deal with were the nightmares that left him wandering around the cabin in the small hours of the night. But nightmares were old friends, he'd had them most of his life. They were the only things that hadn't abandoned him. And he was certain that Heero was the same way, given the fact that he had been raised by one of those bastard scientists.

"But you should get out of here, and not just to that rinkie-dink place they call a town." Heero said. "Come back with us afterwards. Or tour the world. Didn't you say once that you wanted to revisit half the places that you've been when you were awake and not on the run?" Let me stop myself from ruining Trowa's and Quatre's relationship. Come back with us and let me distract myself with you. I may not be what you want, but we could work something out.

"Yeah," Duo smiled at the thought. "I did once, but I don't know. People are still freaking me a bit. Didn't help that the village idiot kept hitting on me either."

"Male or female?" Heero asked, raising an eyebrow. Duo didn't need that in his life anymore. He'd flirted a lot before, but nothing more serious then that. Then the whole Mad Five/Treize Khushrenada experience wasn't helping. Or how he grew up. But he could see why the guy had been hitting on him, and he was barely stopping himself from leaning over and kissing Duo now. But he realized that Duo didn't need that now even though Heero wanted to kiss him, not if he was saying that people were disturbing him. But he wasn't people, they had fought a war together.

Duo smiled. "Male. And he thought I was a girl. Didn't want to believe that I was guy even after I told him several times."

"How'd you get rid of him?" Heero asked, curious. The old Duo might have gone along with the joke before, but not this one in front of him. He was too serious, too controlled.

"Relena visited me. She dropped by for a couple of days, and went into town for supplies with me. No one recognized her, she was doing the incognito thing. And most of them thought that she was my girlfriend, except for the idiot. He hit on her, she drop kicked him across the ice cream parlor. I wished that I had gotten it on tape. That's about the second time she's pulled that move and I missed it the first time." Duo was smiling, lost in the memory. "He was covered in ice cream. She dumped hers and mine on him to add insult to injury. She may preach world disarmament but she did start to believe in self defense. I think someone is teaching her."

"Relena can fight?" Heero asked in astonishment.

"Not much. Just enough so that she can get away if she has too." Duo said. Just enough so that no one will hurt her again. Or she wouldn't be a liability in a fight. Like last time.

"I guess she isn't the same girl that chased me screaming 'kill me' all over the place." Heero muttered. He stiffened at the sound of a car pulling up. He checked his watch. It was about two in the morning, who would be calling on Duo at this time of the night? He didn't know if he should be happy or angry that they were having company.

Duo cocked his head and smiled. "That's Ian. He comes by for a cup of coffee if he's on the night shift. And Relena's as screwed up as we are in some ways." Or to see if I'm okay. He doesn't like the fact that I'm up all hours of the night. I tell him its because I don't have to do anything besides the stuff with the kids or Tony. I can be a night owl. Not because I wake up screaming, haunted by my ghosts.

"People that friendly out here?" Hereo asked suspiciously. Is he seeing someone? I hope not because I think we could work out some sort of relationship.

"Yeah, hard to believe that there are still small towns around here like that, They fuss about each other, ask about the kids, the spouse -stuff like that when they see you. The biggest excitement is the Spring dance and the Harvest fair three towns over. They laugh when I get excited about watching grass grow. Or flowers." Duo said fondly. "L2 is like a dessert. No plants. Dry, smelly and nasty when I was growing up."

Duo got up to let Ian in when he heard the knock at the door. Duo chuckled and walked over to answer it. "If I don't answer, he'll thinks something's wrong. The big tip off for him was Tony showing up at home or his house to eat dinner. I'm surprised that he didn't show up earlier."

"Why?" Heero asked suspiciously. Why would these people care? Noin did sum it up once very well, you either loved him or hated him. These people love him. Duo may not be in good condition, but he's being cared for. He may have found some people willing to try and to keep him alive. So why am I jealous of a guy that I haven't met yet? Because I want to be the one that fixes Duo? Or have Duo fix me?

"I don't ask that question, don't want to know the answer. They do. I can accept that. Someone caring is good." Duo said quietly, opening the door to let Ian in.

He grabbed his coat and threw it on a chair, motioning him to sit down and pouring him some coffee. Heero noted that Duo did this with the ease of long time habit. He wondered how many nights these two had been spending together? And how much did it get beyond cookies and coffee. Heero stonily stared at the newcomer, noting that he had no ring, was pushing forty and long ago lost the fight with his waistline. Heero shrugged. What Duo did on his own time was his own business. But him?

"Ian, meet Heero. Heero, Ian the friendly sheriff and victim of my kitchen skills." Duo joked.

Heero nodded and continued to stare at Ian. Ian shrugged and sipped at his coffee. What was it with Duo? He never mentioned last names. Look at that pretty thing that visited him last Fall. Called her 'Jousan', said it was a nickname. What hell kind of nickname was that for a girl? But she cleaned Roger's clock, which wasn't a bad thing. It was embarrassing to the boy that a girl beat him up, while her date just stood there and laughed. But that was the first time that he had seen Duo really laugh, outside playing with the children. And this kid, Tony was right, he was tough looking. Had the same eyes as Duo had also. Tired. Old. Hard. Up all hours of the night. Afraid to sleep too. Damn what had happened to these two? Ian snagged a cookie and was biting into it when he jumped at the phone ringing.

Duo looked nervously at Heero asking, "Any one know you're here?", before moving to answer it.

"Just Rashid. In case of trouble." Heero said. "He's still keeping tabs on Quatre."

"Okay, just wondering." Duo muttered before speaking, "It's the middle of the night, you're lucky I'm coherent."

"Damn it Duo, turn on the video, I have a tape that you should see." Une's voice came through, sounding real stressed.

"'Neesan?" Duo asked. "You okay?" Oh God what blew up? Is Relena alright?

"Just watch. This was broadcast about ten minutes ago, to Preventer Head Quarters. Look at it really closely. Is Heero with you? Is he awake?" Une fired off her questions in rapid succession not worrying about the answers.

"Yes," Heero said curtly, wondering why Lady Une would want to show him this. And how she knew he was here.

" 'Neesan, is it okay that Ian is here?" Duo asked.

"Sure but he can't tell anyone what is going on. Besides I never met the man, would be nice to see him." Une chuckled, trying to relax. Duo shook his head, Une at least had learned to relax a little. Her jokes had been as infrequent as Heero's smiles.

Duo hit the vid button and Une appeared on the screen. She smiled tiredly and said, "You're looking good. You had me worried for a while, you never turn on the damn video. I take it the man that I don't know is Ian?"

"Yes Ma'am." Ian muttered. She was so pretty and young, why the hell did she sound like she was so tough? And how did she know these two? And why would Duo worry about who was calling this late at night.

"Duo, I'm not supposed to be showing this, but you were the best person to ask about some of the information. Heero should be interested in some of the contents too. But the President wants to keep a lid on it just in case of a panic, I know that you two can keep a secret. Does either one of you know what the original specifications for Operation Meteor were?"

Duo shook his head. "G wouldn't give me the time of day after a while. Less I knew, less I'd spill if he ever had to have Howard disposed of me. And we both know it wouldn't have been out the airlock."

Une's eye's narrowed and she took a deep breath, shaking. "That.that.." You had to live with that too, They only reason that you were a pilot was because you were attractive. And that attractiveness, if you had failed to please him, would have landed you in a brothel someplace, chained to the bed until a customer got too rough one night. How did you survive?

Ian looked confused for a second and opened his mouth to ask a question, then closed it, he didn't want to know. He knew that Duo hadn't grown up on Earth, he got too excited about little things, like rain and flowers. But he didn't think that it was that bad. And if he called attention to himself, Duo might kick him out, because Ian had no business messing with calls that involved the President or anyone else. Une was so tough, because she had to be, but what about these two? And what the Hell was Operation Meteor?

" 'Neesan, it's the past," Duo soothed her, "What's the problem now?"

"Heero?" Une asked.

"Original mission plan was to drop a colony on the Earth." Heero reported in a monotone. He could never understand the thinking behind that. Even the ZERO System was confused by that objective.

"Like Zechs tried with the Libra?" Duo exclaimed. Those fucking bastards!

Ian made a small strangled noise he had heard about that. It had been everywhere after the war, what would have happened if White Fang had succeeded. Thankfully both Duo and Heero ignored him.

"Yes." Une replied tiredly. "I got a wealth of information after never mind, just watch this." Une flipped a few switches and her picture was replaced with that of a young girl, surround by Boy Scouts, Duo thought. That's what the uniform looked like. She was about eight or nine, short light brownish-blonde hair, blue eyes, with a determined look of her face. Duo thought that she looked familiar.

"I am Maria Mary Khushrendra. I am announcing my intention to reclaim my father's position as the military leader of the Earth and the Colonies. You will obey me. I have as a hostage Vice Minister Relena Peacecraft-Darlian. You will give me your answer in twelve hours or I and my followers will commence with the real Operation Meteor. Twelve hours!"

Duo just stared at the screen. Heero was looking at him with concern in his eyes. Ian just looked confused. What was upsetting Duo? After a stunned second, Duo muttered numbly. "I didn't know. He never told me. I don't think that he knew. Did he ever tell you 'Neesan?"

"I didn't know either. She could be lying. If he didn't tell you, he didn't know. You were the one he was closest too." Une said sadly. You were my last hope, but she looks old enough to have been from a relationship that happened before us, before Zechs even.

"But you spent more time with him, you two were close too. He didn't know. Nothing was mentioned. Not in his letters. He would have told me. He knew I liked kids. And we did kinda plan things, once.." Duo whispered, starting to shake. He groped for a chair, and when he found it sat down hard, staring at Une.

Une shook her head. "I thought that was the case. I'm going to run it again. Ignore the girl, she might just be a decoy. Look at everyone else."

Duo and Heero watched the tape again, Duo clutching his mug of coffee, trying to desperately warm his fingers and stop shaking. He was cold, so cold. He hadn't felt this way since Wufei walked in on him and T-chan. And what was Wufei doing behind that little girl in that ridiculous outfit? He grabbed Heero as the other one just froze. Une held the tape there and split the video screen to talk to them.

"I take it you recognize the one on the left?" Une asked sadly. "Did you have any idea?"

"He left me." Heero said tiredly. "I had no idea. He felt useless." Oh why this Wufei? I thought you hated the war, the killing. The innocents that were hurt. I held you often enough when you dreamed about them. It hurt to listen to you. Was the problem that I could never tell you that?

"Jesus Une! Wufei isn't in his right mind. He's overstressed and has no idea what's going on!" Duo exclaimed.

"How can you defend him?" Une snarled. He killed your lover! He might kill mine!

"Because of a lot of things, but mostly likely he felt that he had nothing left to lose. That for the last two years or more he was in a living hell, cause I bunked with him a lot in it. That he had to watch everyone die and he got left behind. 'Cause T-chan probably was doing something stupid to survive and it didn't work. And I'm Shinigami, everyone dies on me." Duo said quietly. Heero just sat there staring at the screen. Duo, leaned over and touched him gently, trying to bring his attention back to him.

Heero shook his head and muttered, "I'll be alright in a moment."

"Whose the old guy?" Duo asked, hoping to get things back on track.

"Dekim Barton." Une replied, "One of the original planners behind the Gundams."

"Barton? That guy's related to Trowa?" Duo asked skeptically.

"No, he isn't" Heero stated, not taking his eyes off the screen. "Trowa Barton, isn't who he says he is." He's like you Duo. No past, no name. No records. A side product of the war.

"Does Quatre know?" Duo asked softly. "We should wake him, it's starting to get messy and we need his brains. Neither one of us is in top form." No wonder he afraid of commitment. If his life was like mine, he's waiting for the bad stuff to start happening again. That he doesn't deserve love or respect or anything.

Ian just stared at the tape and then the two boys, wondering what was going on. He knew that he came into this at the tail end of things, from the conversations that he was hearing. No wonder they all looked so tired. What kind of life had they lived? And did what he just heard mean that Duo wasn't interested in girls? And this other kid too? And who was Quatre? Heero got up and shuffled to the bedroom, going to wake up Quatre. Duo was right, they needed someone that had their head together. Hopefully it was Quatre, because Duo looked terrible and didn't trust himself any more. But if he went to pieces about Trowa..

"Quatre, wake up. There's trouble." Heero said, leaning over to shake him awake. Quatre's eyes opened and he blinked a couple of times, trying to wake up.

"Give me a couple of minutes, I was having the strangest dream." he murmured, stretching a little.

"Okay," Heero grunted. "Locals are here too."

Quatre yawned and stretched again, looking adorable. Heero left the bedroom, just in time to see Ian switch on the lights, not registering Duo's panicked cry of "Don't!" to stop him.

Heero's eyes widened. Under the harsher light, without his clothes to cover them, Heero finally saw how hurt Duo had been by Zechs. The thin ridges of scar tissue and odd splotches that were scattered on his arms and legs didn't stand out on Duo's fair skin like they would on his, but they were noticeable in this light. Heero just wondered how Duo had managed to fight in that condition, because he would swear that he didn't have those when he left the PeaceMillion the last time. Pain and blood loss must have been hellish from the extent of the damage, they did disappear underneath the clothes, and he couldn't tell the extent of the damage. Duo felt Heero's eyes on him and Ian's small gasp. Heero hadn't thought that the Sheriff had seen this much of Duo, no matter how many late night visits he had made. That fact made him feel better.

"I survived. I healed." Duo said simply answering the questions in their eyes, not bothering to try and hide the damage. He had been caught at last. The mess on the outside wasn't as bad as the one inside. That he could still hide. All I do is survive. I am very good at that, hiding behind someone else so that Death doesn't take me.

"What the fuck happened?" Ian asked numbly. Someone worked him over good. I always wondered why he wasn't interested in Claudia or anyone. Or why he always wore long pants and long sleeve shirts in the summer when we saw him.

"I got caught by person I should have avoided." Duo said simply. Ian you can't believe that someone would carve me up for fun. The war never touched here, no matter how much the Earth was ravaged. You are innocent of all the evil that was the war. You were one the people that we were fighting for.

"She went to save him. And you went to save her." Heero said coldly. "Idiot" You paid for it. The price was too high. You had given too much already for peace.

"He was her brother. She felt obligated to save him from himself, even though it was too late by that time. And I couldn't send any of you. She managed to get out of her room and rescue me. I sent her back to Earth and went off to save the world." Duo said lightly, his attempt at turning it into a joke falling flat. "I would have rather saved something else."

"You were a Gundam pilot?" Ian asked stupidly. The quiet boy in front of him that baked cookies, volunteered with the children and helped out around town, couldn't have been a cold blooded terrorist. But if he was that would explain his sad eyes.

"We all were." came a soft voice behind him. Ian turned around to look down at a small blonde, blinking the sleep out of his eyes, but with a determined look on his face. "Heero said there was trouble."

"'Neesan just called. The colony that 'Jousan was on made an announcement that they want to start the mess all over again." Duo explained.

Quatre's eyes widened as he saw what Duo looked like now. No wonder you flinched when I touched you. What did Zechs do to you, when he had you? What did you do to yourself afterwards because you didn't want to face anything, because this happened? I never thought that this was the reason that you never got out of Shinigami. I thought you were angry with us and the Universe.

"Why would Relena check in with Lady Une?" Heero asked in confusion. How friendly was Duo with those two that they would call him for help? Besides the fact that he was a Gundam pilot. Why were they the only two that knew where he was? Lady Une might be friendly with Duo, but why Relena?

"'Cause they on occasion share a bed?" Duo said sarcastically. "God was I the only one to know?"

"Duo, Lady Une and sex are two things that I do not want to think about together." Quatre said in a pained voice.

Heero muttered "I didn't need to know that. She was sleeping with her while she was chasing me?"

"She did it to annoy you, among other reasons." Duo retorted. "I'll grab Shinigami as soon as we have a plan. Me and Heero jet off grab Wing, assuming he's around here and to rescue Ojousan and then we deal with the colony and the nuts. 'Neesan's probably getting her butt handed to her by the idiots in charge so she'll give you free reign. She trusts us. I just wish that we were all on the same side. You watch her back because Earth usually turns out to be a major piece in the game whether she wants to be or not. And you have to be our second line of defense in case we don't make it."

"I'll contact Rashid to take care of things on L4 and have most of the Maguanacs stay put." Quatre sighed. "Then Rashid and a couple of them can meet me in the capital with Sandrock. I was hoping that this was over."

"Hopefully this is the last gasp of insanity before it's all over." Heero said soberly. "I want it all to end."

"You all were Gundam pilots?" Ian repeated numbly. "And that little bit of a thing cleaned Roger's clock, was Relena Peacecraft?"

"Its really, really complicated Ian. Just don't say anything. Even if I survive, I don't know if I'll come back here." Duo said quietly. Welcome to war, Ian. I hope that this is all you see of it.

 

 

Heero slipped out the door, behind Ian, wanting ask him a few questions before he drove off. Ian was in his truck before he realized that he had a shadow. He was startled to see Heero staring at him.

"Whatcha want?" Ian asked, wondering what he had done to deserve to be in on this mess. The war starting again, may be and finding out that little Duo had been a Gundam pilot. Terrorists shouldn't be so fragile looking.

"How is he?" Heero asked harshly. Ian didn't have to ask who the he was.

"I don't know. He's quiet, well behaved, polite most of the time. Is that what you wanted to know?" Ian said sarcastically. Why do you care? If you were his friends, you would have looked for him sooner.

"I am going to be going into battle with him as my backup. I just want to know if I should worry about anything, And you have been the only person that has spent any amount of time with him, recently. You by default know him the best." Heero said coldly.

"Then I don't know diddly." Ian retorted "I thought he was a quiet kid, didn't think that he was one of you terrorists. Most of last Fall I tried to talk him into moving into town for the winter. I worry about him out here. But he kept saying no, he wanted his privacy. Now I know why. Hell, he looks like a frightened mouse most of the time. I only see him relax around the kids or here at night. And he's awake most of the nights I'm out here. We'd talk about stuff. Claudia, Tony, gossip, weather reports and his garden. Nothing major. But mostly he's quiet, just willing to listen to me talk."

"Damn" Heero cursed, as Duo opened the door. This wasn't telling him anything useful. Garden? Weather Reports? Duo quiet? What happened to the Duo that he was used to?

"Get yourself back in here Heero and stop bugging Ian." he called out. "We've got plans to make to save Wufei's butt. He isn't involved in this."

"He may look like a scared mouse, but he is deadly. And has been on his own since he was two, He can take care of himself." Heero smirked. "And he's protecting you now. He's worried that I might take steps to eliminate you as a leak. Don't worry. I've mellowed in the last couple of months. But Lady Une was right, don't talk about this. Panic is counterproductive."

"Heeerooo" Duo called out warningly. "I'm given you until five and then.."

"You take care of him.'" Ian said as he put his truck in gear. "And yourself. Come back and visit us again when this is all over, you'd like it here." Threats of violence and death. No wonder Duo wanted to forget out here.

Heero watched as Ian drove away, not wanting to look like he was actually worried about Duo's threat. And wondering what was with the people around here. He had threatened Ian and all he got in return was an invitation to show up again. These people were strange. No wonder Duo liked it here. He walked back to the house and sat down at the table, glad that Duo had put on more clothes and made more coffee.

"I thought that you were doing something strange with the lights,"Heero admitted. I was hoping a little. I was weak, but you were so desirable to me, still are. And I'm lonely, I didn't know if Wufei was dead or alive. Now I know and I can't figure out why he's doing what he's doing.

"No, just didn't want you to see the damage." Duo said in a monotone, staring at his hands. Heero was reminded of the time that Wufei had dragged him back after finding him with Treize. "I don't know what your problem is that you had to bug Ian, but I can function. I may be a little rusty, but you haven't done anything in months either, have you? Or does Quatre have a battle simulator you can play with?"

"No I'm rusty too." Heero admitted. "I wanted to know if I can trust you." I wanted to think with my brain again instead of my cock. I wanted to make sure that you were okay and I wasn't fooling myself because I wanted to spend more time with you.

"I don't know. I don't even know if Shinigami will work. It was a mess when I ditched here. I wasn't in good shape. The cockpit was soaked in blood and.." Duo's voice trailed off and he shuddered. "Lets say that it's going to smell interesting. But I don't think I've forgotten how to fight. I did it for too long. Just like remembering to ride a bike. Physically, I'm still too light, but I have gained back the weight that I lost during the first month I was here. I yo-yo'd a couple times before that too. So the weight isn't a problem. If I concentrate on the mission I can get out there. I just might be a basket case getting back."

"Back will take care of itself." Heero said. "And we better go before it gets light out because I don't want to have the locals know that there was a Gundam in their lake." I might be able to get you back, depends on what happens with Wufei.

"Fair enough" Duo shrugged. "But plans would be good. And info. Does Wufei have Natuku? How's Wing? Are you still using the Zero system? And can we get anymore info on Maria Mary?"

"I can shut off the ZERO system. We aren't going to need it, they shouldn't have any Mobile Dolls. Not if they are taking the Pro-Treize stance. I don't know where Wufei put his Gundam, that was something that we didn't discuss. I hid mine on Earth and he hid his some place else. Maria Mary probably is a tool for her grandfather."

"What do you know about Dekim Barton. How do you know about Trowa?" Duo asked, getting down to business. It was just like the old days, middle of the night drinking pots of coffee and planning to blow something up.

"Trowa told me about that, when we first became involved. He didn't want to hurt me. The original Trowa Barton was an obnoxious bastard from what I can find out." Quatre said quietly. "Trowa's controller ended up killing him to stop Operation Meteor. Trowa took his place. He mentioned once that it was nice even to have a pretend family. He'd seen a picture of Maria Mary once, she was cute. But I don't think that her family ever considered that she was anything more then a tool for them. Dekim has a reputation of being a hard man."

"He is," Heero said tone oddly distant, "I had failed in one of my missions. At least I thought it was a failure. I ended up killing some civilians. One of them was a little girl and her dog that I had seen earlier in the day. She had talked to me.." Heero took a deep breath and continued. "I found the dog's body and buried it. I felt so guilty that I had killed them. I knew that it was my fault. Dekim had seen and he told J that I need some more training. Or they would start again. With another model."

Duo and Quatre exchanged glances and they both shivered. Quatre realized that Heero had been controlled and ordered about most of his life, he didn't think that it was this bad. Heero and he had had some very long conversations during the last few months, trying to help him cope with being a civilian. Duo was wondering what had happened, how Heero had managed to save some of himself so that he could be human, could fall in love. And now his lover had sided with one of his tormentors.

"So we can count on the fact that he's been planning this for a long time. So the security is going to be heavy." Duo said, "Sneaking in will the best, but I think that we're going to need back up. May be Sally and Noin. Both work well together and are trustworthy. Noin may not like me, but she'll back me if its for Relena."

"Why doesn't Noin like you?" Quatre asked curiously.

"She thought I was lying about Zechs's and T-chan's relationship. She didn't think they were that 'good' friends. Especially since she was also was sleepin' with Zechs. She still thinks the bastard was a knight in shining armor. And she's majorly peeved that Relena and Une are sleepin' together. Can we say deep denial?" Duo informed them. I never told her the gory parts either. That Zechs was mad as a hatter before he left T-chan, he had to be if he abused his trust like that. Epyon's system just was icing on the cake.


	10. Part 9

Relena woke up with a start. She had been having a cup of tea on the colony, urging the colonists to think of themselves as part of the united Earth and then she passed out. That was embarrassing. She rolled out of the huge bed that she found herself in and was startled to see a little girl in the same room as her.

"Are you a prisoner too?" Relena asked curiously.

"No Vice Minister, " the little girl cooed. "I was the one that arranged for your imprisonment. I am Maria-Mary Khushrenada. And I will inherit my father's place in history as sole ruler of the Earth, I will have them bow down to my might."

Relena stared at the young girl in shock. Khushrenada never mentioned having a daughter. He would have during their last conversation. He told her almost everything else that was private. So this girl was lying or Treize never knew that he was a father.

"I have the tests to prove that I am the daughter of Leia Barton and Treize Khushrenada, Vice Minister." She said, reading Relena's expression correctly.

"Treize told me some of his plans after the war. They didn't include World Domination." Relena said numbly, overwhelmed by all that had happened to her in the last day or so.

"If he didn't want to control the Earth why did he fight for it?" Mary asked.

"To end an abomination that had been going on for too long." Relena replied tightly. "A thing that had taken on a life of its own. Something that had destroyed too many people." Her eyes were bleak as she thought about all those who had their lives ruined by that war. Heero. Duo. Wufei. Trowa. Quatre. They had sacrificed so much for this peace.

"I doubt that. My father thought that war was a noble effort." Was her lofty answer.

"Your father planned to settle down after the war under an assumed name, no matter who won or lost." Relena informed her tightly. _War isn't noble, It's messy, bloody and destructive._

"Really?" Maria-Mary smiled. "When did he tell you this?"

"A private conversation after he broke me out of the 'Queen of the World' prison the Romafellers put me in." Relena replied.

"You didn't want the honor? To control the World, to have them all bow down to you, You did not want that power?"

"I accepted it so that they would stop bombing my homeland. And I gave the Gundam pilots enough time to escape into space. And the power was illusionary." Relana said bitterly.

"Ah And why was he telling you all this?"

"I liked your father. And I had a message from his lover. I promised that I would pass it on."

"The Lady Une? How was she communicating with you? She was in a coma at the time." Maria-Mary sounded puzzled.

"Une wasn't sleeping with him. He had another relationship."

"But she was so devoted. How could he deny her?" She really couldn't understand why her charismatic father wouldn't be interested in such a beautiful woman.

"Because of a little thing called hormones. You may not understand them yet, when you're older you will. A lot of things happen because of them, most of them stupid." Relena laughed quietly. "But Lady Une was not sleeping with your father." _I was sleeping with her you brat!_

"Were you?" she asked

"Not after he slept with my brother. That would be a wee bit incestuous." Relena laughed uneasily. _I had thought about it as a power play, though. I still don't know if I could have gone through with it._

"Treize Khushrenada did not have sex with men. That is a lie" Maria-Mary's voice went up sharply. To imply such a thing about her father!

"He was bisexual. He also preferred men to women. He grew up with my brother and things just went from there. Until the Mirialdo walked out on him." Relena said distantly, wondering why she was discussing this with an eight year old girl. Even if it was supposedly her father they were talking about. "Your father fell deeply, unexpectedly in love during the last year of the war. All he wanted to do afterwards was live quietly in the country, growing roses and watching his lover cook. He wanted the war to end. It had destroyed too many lives. His legacy is not of world conquest, but of peace. We just went about it in different ways."

"I do not believe you Vice-Minister!" Maria-Mary declared passionately.

"I don't care whether you believe me or not," Relena said calmly. It was like arguing with a miniature version of Noin. And for the same reasons. Relena bit back the urge to laugh, biting her tongue to stop it. Maria-Mary would never understand the laughter.

"You will accompany me to Earth Vice Minister." Maria-Mary informed her, dropping the argument. Relena shrugged. It didn't matter. If Maria-Mary thought that they would actually negotiate with Barton and the rest of them she was naive. Relena just was hoping that someone would stop this madness in time. If she happened to get rescued before they went through with their threat, she would be overjoyed, but she wasn't counting on it. She had wasted too much of her luck teasing a certain psychotic pilot. It would be too much to hope that Duo would rescue her like before.

 

* * *

 

Duo swore and dodged missile fire. He wasn't too happy that his back up was Noin. She may have been the better pilot then Sally, but he still was thinking that she was itching to put a rocket in his back. If it wasn't for the fact that he was going after Relena, she might. She had ignored him and Heero on the way out, talking only to Sally. Duo couldn't figure out why she was mad at Heero, was he supposed to have used his super psycho powers to stop this from happening? That they showed up together didn't endear them to her. Noin just gave both of them a cool glare and then ignored them. Duo was just happy for the sack time and that Shinigami was airing out.it had smelled bad, just like he thought it would. It had been difficult to get in there after all that time had passed.it gave him the willies and shoving a grumpy Heero in back wasn't helping any. That he once had lived in there was scary, he couldn't even stand to be near the thing now. But he'd do it, wasn't like this was the first unpleasant thing that he had to get through. At least he got to sit down, he wasn't bent over in the back of a car, getting it from a nameless john. The short flight to get fueled up helped him relearn the controls, remember tricks and get his balance again. Heero picked up Wing, hidden in the bottom of the ocean yet again, did the boy have no imagination? That's where it ended up a couple of times before. But loading the blasted things under the cover of darkness was helpful and now he was trying not to get killed before he could rescue the princess yet again, he should start getting paid for this, it was getting to be a habit. Just a few hundred more meters and he'd be in.

 

* * *

 

Heero cursed and watched Duo take off out of the carrier. He hadn't said much, just stared at his Gundam. Noin's glaring at the two of them didn't help either, but Heero ignored it. He was more worried about the situation that he would find at the end of the battle then whatever problem Noin had.

Wufei working with Dekim Barton was a surprise. He thought that Wufei hated the violence. He had enough nightmares about it. And to have Wufei working with a group of fanatics to start another war. It was unforgivable. He knew that Wufei had a stiff sense of justice, honor, guilt. What was driving him now though? Trying to protect the daughter of the man that he had killed? Was that why he had abandoned him? To start another war, a war so that they could fall back into the old patterns of their lives and try not to adjust to being normal, being civilians?

It had been hard for the two of them, most people didn't like the fact that they were living together, and they never treated them as adults. It had been hard.. But he thought that they were getting better. He was learning to be human, normal. Then he fell apart when Wufei left him. Thank God that he went to Quatre. Now he just wanted some answers. Duo may be going in to rescue Relena.but Heero was here to rescue his lover from whatever twisted bit of guilt he had that drove him to side with a man like Dekim Barton.

But what little Duo said to him, it was something that was helpful, in an odd way. Duo had been staring at Shinigami, Heero wasn't even sure that he was talking to him or his Gundam. "Its worth it, the fighting to make it survive, the effort that it would take to make things better."

"Is it?" Heero asked bitterly. "He's starting another war... more people dead.."

"More ghosts to talk to you in your sleep." Duo agreed. "But, you lived without it. Heero, don't fuck it up, I haven't the option of getting it back for me. Try and make it better with Wufei."

"But... he left me... and Quatre.." Heero had no idea why he was talking to Duo, what magic did he have that made one want to confess everything to him? But he was talking to Duo and soon their hushed voices tumbled over each other, telling of wishes, regrets and hopes.

"That's something that you have to decide. But before you worry about that, remember the little things.the way he smells, waking up in his arms, knowing that he loves you, that can never be replaced. Give Wufei a chance, because I would walk through Hell again just to get T-chan back." Duo said quietly.

"Even if he didn't love me any more, because I still love him. I dream about him, it seems so real. I almost get to touch him again then it changes to something else or I wake up."

"Wufei.he always had to sleep near the door, like he thought that something was going to come in and take me." Heero told Duo, "But waking up with him in my arms, his hair tickling me, it was wonderful and I miss him. There are still days that I expect to wake up with him, tell him about something that I did, that I saw something that he might like.."

"I smell roses and wonder, was it quick, did he think of me? Une? Mirialdo? What was he trying to do? I can't listen to certain pieces of music without crying. I don't think that I'll forget him, stop wanting him, that he was willing to just enjoy the time that we had together."

"We never talked about it. He always expected to get dragged back to the life that he once had and he didn't know if he could do that again, just be the yes man that they expected. He told me he felt guilty about that. He was going to tell Master O that after the war was over, he wasn't going back to his colony. He just never got to tell him that, and then it was gone. He wondered somehow if he had jinxed them."

"Heero, fight for your love, not matter what it takes. Its not the black and white world that you were told about. Didn't you feel that once you fell in love, that you suddenly saw the colors for the first time. That you were part of something that was good, that nothing bad could come of it. That for once you weren't destroying something?"

"Duo, I fell in love. It was something that I didn't expect, but it wasn't until I was in the ZERO System that I realized I was in love with Wufei. That it was something that could last beyond our immediate needs, that we were more then a suitable or convenient arrangement, and it scared me. And now, I don't know if he loves me still , that we wasn't fooling ourselves, fooling the world that it was something that was meant to last."

"What did you see in there.what did it whisper to you." Duo asked curiously.

"What did Epyon tell you?" Heero asked.

"I asked first," Duo said, "But, it told me I was Shinigami. That death was all I could be. Then, it played dirty, it told me things that I didn't understand until later. Things that scare me, because they were so little, little changes that could have happened.."

"That you and I could have been lovers , that Wufei ended up with Treize." Heero said.

"That, that we could have been OZ. That we might have been the bad guys. That, that I could have had parents, been normal.."

"Not ever killed. Been born into a family that loved me. Been to school. Had a dog, a teddy bear." Heero finished. "It was dirty. Quatre said that he saw the same things, but it was that he didn't care, was the one that J trained, was cruel, sadistic and an animal.."

"T-chan never told me what he saw, but he cried when I crawled out of that thing. He knew that name of everyone that was killed fighting for him. They talked to him in his dreams too .. There were nights that we were both too afraid to close our eyes, because we didn't want to dream." Duo whispered.

"Duo, if something happens.could you tell Wufei that I love him. That I just wished that he told me why he left me, but I don't mind." Heero said softly.

"I will. But fight to stay alive, self destruction isn't the answer. Do you want Wufei to be as screwed as I am. I don't eat, everything tastes of ashes.sleep.you saw me.don't let him be haunted by the might have beens.the if onlys.." Duo fell silent after that and had spent the rest of the trip staring at Shinigami with empty, dead eyes. Heero didn't think that Duo was going to come home from this trip, he'd just make sure that Relena got out, then quietly kill himself, making it look like an accident. And Heero didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Duo should get on with his life, stop just existing, Heero had done that for most his life, he saw what Duo was doing. But considering how fragile Duo was, making him live, trying to pump life back into him might not be the best thing. Letting him join his lover was most likely best for him, because Duo's ghosts were winning. It showed in his eyes, the way he acted, the things that he just said to him, because the world hadn't gone back to black and white when Treize died, it had gone just to white. White, the absence of any color, anything for Duo. Any hope, any feelings and any chance of love.

Heero followed Duo out of the carrier, wondering whatever possessed him to agree to have Noin as Duo's back up, that Duo agreed showed how disturbed he was. Noin didn't look happy and if anything happened to Relena, she'd be taking it out on Duo.

"Sally.watch Noin.I don't trust her around Duo." Heero ordered before rushing into combat. The troops weren't bad, they had been trained well and they knew his fighting style. He expected that, Wufei would have told them, it would only be justice, because their suits no way matched his Gundam, but he was also waiting.waiting for Wufei to challenge him and settle this once and for all. Heero waited for his lover as he fought, Duo helped a little, but his main priority was getting in and rescuing Relena. He just stayed around long enough to kick some butt and then faded away to sneak into the colony. Heero didn't even notice him leaving, but they never really fought together in Space. Heero cleared out the troops that were fighting against him, wondering when he would feel guilty about them, they were just pawns.and the chess masters this time didn't even care about their sacrifice.

As the flashes died down and the debris started to float around him, Heero took a deep breath. Sally and Noin had disappeared someplace. He heard their chatter on the radio, so they were still all right. He let it go with a 'whoosh' as he saw Nataku appear on the battlefield. He couldn't say anything, his throat was suddenly tight, and time just stopped. Heero and Wing made a slight gesture, incomplete.he couldn't tell what he wanted to do besides get out of this damn machine and hug Wufei, feel him in his arms again, before continuing with this madness.

"Wufei." Heero whispered, not caring that he couldn't hear him, not even bothering to check if the com unit was on. All the sleepless nights, the floundering about, the guilt about what he might have done or not done just disappeared. He just wanted to touch Wufei again, for a second he realized why Duo was so empty, so broken. Why he dreamed of his lover and told Heero all those things. "After all this time.why are we fighting, still? What's left to fight? We have peace. Don't destroy it.don't let anyone else destroy it either."

"Her peace is an illusion." Wufei announced flatly, slashing at Heero. "Did we ever have peace? Or was it just another wait between battles?"

Heero fell back, not wanting to hurt Wufei. He felt that they were probably well matched in their fight, Wufei was in better shape for once, and been training regularly, while Heero had left Wing to slowly rot on the bottom of the ocean, hoping that it would be useful at least as a home for fishes. He was mildly amused that Duo had the same idea, or was it that after the Eve battle, he was too numb to think of a better place? Duo probably was too tired or too hurt to think of a better one. Even he had gagged at the smell of Shinigami's cockpit when Duo opened him up. The smell of rotting protein, not that he hadn't smelled worse, sometimes the training that J had given him had been excessive, but he hadn't had to smell something like that recently. And Duo's face hadn't changed, his eyes were just focused on something else for a minute or two, then he shook himself and climbed in, motioning Heero to follow him. Thank God they both hadn't grown too much or they would have never both fit in there, so that he could retrieve Wing.

Half of his mind was occupied with these stray thoughts, while he concentrated on defending himself against Wufei. He was not going to end up like Duo, mourning his lover to distraction.

"It looked like peace, may be it wasn't, but we were happy, weren't we?" Heero asked softly, "I know that I didn't show it to you, didn't want to admit it. I thought that you were content with our original arrangement. No strings. I didn't want to tell you that it took three sessions in Wing on the ZERO System to realize that I love you. It just was so absurd. Then you fell apart, you saw your colony destroy itself and I didn't wasn't to confuse you anymore with what you might perceive as a weakness."

Wufei laughed. "We clung to each other because we didn't have anything else."

Heero shook his head, knowing that his lover couldn't see the gesture. "We had friends, we may not have had family, but people cared about us, as strange as it seemed. Quatre. Trowa. Relena. Duo, as screwed as he is."

"Duo." Wufei laughed shortly. "Where is he now? Cowering on Earth?"

"Right now, he's trying yet again to rescue Relena. He told me that he forgives you, that he understood that it might have not been your fault. That things happen."

"He forgives me for killing his lover? For exposing him to the rest of you?" Wufei demanded.

"Wufei.he understands. It was war. People die. It was fact that they lived with for as long as they knew each other. Duo was supposed to kill him at one time, or don't you remember? Duo thought that you could have been a friend to Treize, that you were alike enough to be friends. He is an emotional mess because of what happened but he doesn't blame you. Stop blaming yourself. That you killed Treize Khushrenada. That you killed anyone. That you survived and your colony didn't. Remember them, mourn, but don't let it eat up your life. Would they want that? Would your wife want you to be driven by guilt of her death rather then the love you had in your marriage?" Heero asked. "Do you want someone else to be driven by the same things that you are? It will happen.we, who we are now, are a product of the war that dominated out lives for so long. Do you want that? No matter what you told yourself or what someone told you, it will happen. It took twenty years for it to happen to us. It might take another twenty, but sometime in the future there will be another Chang Wufei, another Trowa Burton."

"Another Heero Yuy?" Wufei asked sarcastically.

"Another Heero Yuy. Another child that grew up with a gun for as a constant companion. A child that that thought pain was a continual thing in his life, that love was something alien and unreal, even after he fell in love. A child that once the war that he was trained for was over, had no idea how to function in the society that he protected." Heero took a deep breath and waited, Wufei arguing with each other wasn't the best thing, but it was a start. And it kept the Barton's best fighter occupied.

Wufei bowed his head, not speaking. Heero was right. Dekim Barton would be another dictatorship, much like the Romafellers and the Federation had been. He had been blind not to realize it in the beginning, by the time that he did, it had been too late. He was in too deep. But he had an obligation to Maria-Mary. She was who she was because of her father, a man that he killed. He had a blood debt to her, because of that.

"But is Relena much better. Is she right?" Wufei asked. _It took me leaving you and a war to declare your love for me. But.I knew. You may not have been able to tell me, I understand that, love was something that was never mentioned to either one of us when we were growing up. It was more important that the household was harmonious in my clan. That you respected your mate, who should NOT be the same sex as you. That you never told me that you loved me was wrong.but I never tried to tell you that I loved you, either. And then I walked out of your life without a backwards glance driven by the demons that haunted me._

"She may not be right, but it is what is needed now. Let it grow, give it a chance.don't let us go back to the way it was." Heero pleaded.

"I think that my major problem with Relena is that she is a shameless woman that does not know her place." Wufei said.

Heero was silent for a minute, not believing what he heard. After a while of just listening to each other breath over the intercom he spoke, "Wufei was that a JOKE?!"

"I believe so. And Heero.I love you. Do not blame yourself.I never told you either."

"But you showed me, which is more then I can say." Heero muttered, wondering if Wufei was suffering from something strange to make a joke in the middle of battle. But they weren't fighting anymore, he hoped.

"And you showed me.you understood my occasional need to run off and fight, for something as meaningless to you as honor." Wufei said.

"Did I ever tell you that I felt safe with you just because you always insisted on sleeping on the side of the bed that was closest to the door, like I was going to get stolen away in the middle of the night?"

"So.we are both idiots. Now I must do one more thing and then I will go home with you and try and repair this relationship." Wufei said seriously.

"And that is?" Heero asked.

"Rescue Maria-Mary from herself, she has inherited all of Khushrenada's charm, but none of his wisdom."

 

* * *

 

Duo ran down the corridor, shooting anyone that got in his way. He wasn't worried about hitting Wufei by accident, the com traffic had him in his Gundam, chasing after Heero. That was a fucked situation, settling their relationship problems by trying to kill each other. Duo left them to their problems and hoped that it all worked out, because if it didn't the other would probably be joining the loser in the afterlife, once they realized that what they just did was one of the bigger mistakes in the Universe. Duo hit the personal quarters, the best place that he thought he would find Relena. They wouldn't be keeping her in the brig, she was a symbol to them, just like she had been with the Romafellers.

Duo checked the pocket schematics that he had to make sure that he was in the right place. He hoped that he didn't mess this one up. He wasn't up to another extended session of torture by the bad guys. He thought he was in the right place, the notes said that he just had to go in a little further, and he'd be there. he hoped that he was in time, because he didn't want to face Une if he failed. That he didn't make it and they did drop they damn colony on the Earth. Duo thought he caught a glimpse of Trowa running about, boarding a shuttle with the man that he thought was Dekim Barton. If that guy was leaving they were going to drop the colony, but he didn't see Maria-Mary or Relena with them, were they being left behind because they were no longer useful? Or was it because they were dead. He had to make sure. And check the controls to make sure that this thing would still stay up.

He also thought he was seeing some of the guys that he had killed during the war, because he was starting to have flashbacks. It had started when he sat in Shinigami again. The smell, the feel of the chair.it all combined to do something to him. He had spent the rest of the trip just staring at Shinigami, wondering if he could climb back inside him. He and Heero had done something, not talk exactly, but told each other their fears, the things that they missed. It was good to tell someone that.

Duo pulled his wandering thoughts back together and stopped to take a deep breath, jimmying the door open. He tightened his grip on his gun and pushed the door open. Hopefully he wasn't too late. He hit the floor, aiming inward at the voices that he heard, surprised to hear the tinkling laughter of a child.

"I know that you would show up or at least one of the Gundam pilots. Since I did have one with us.even though he denied it under questioning. But we did have one that was very helpful to us. Supplied us with descriptions of you all, Duo Maxwell. Pilot 02" a girl laughed.

Duo shrugged. "We stick together, because there wasn't too many of us." He caught sight of the child, Maria-Mary Khushrenada, standing in front of Relena. No clear shot, not that he would take it while he had the chance to talk to Maria-Mary instead of killing her. "You okay 'Jousan?"

"Fine.they just..." Relena reassure him.

"Wanted to use you. Dekim Barton worked with those fucking scientists." Duo said heatedly. "So Maria.I assume that you are Maria Mary Kushrenada, now comes the big question, do you want to do what you threatened? Or was it Dekim?"

"I want the Earth to bow down to me." Maria Mary said haughtily.

"Why?" Duo asked, shifting so that he could get closer. It was just the three of them, but he didn't now how long that would last.

"It is the legacy of my father!"

"He was sick of it toward the end," Duo said seriously. "He didn't want the power. The only reason that he fought in the last battle was that he had to. He had to save the Earth from what Mirialdo Peacecraft wanted to do to it.had anyone told you of that? What would happen to the Earth if you drop a colony on her.no one will bow down to you, because they'll be either dead or too busy trying to survive to care who's in charge, not that a lot of them did before. All they wanted was peace. What you are threatening them with is an endless winter.your father loved the Earth and knew how fragile she was. He'd be rolling in his grave right now if he had one. They never did.." Duo trailed off wistfully, thinking of Treize for a second.

"How do you.no matter, you're just here to distract me."

"I'm here to stop you. I didn't bleed and sweat and endure hell to watch a deluded child destroy what I suffered for. That you are being manipulated doesn't help things. Dekim was in with a crowd that knew how to use people.tell me Maria, has he told you that you were replaceable, that he could start over again with a less flawed model?"

Duo watched the blood drain out of her face, and he figured that she must have heard the threat one or twice to have that reaction. He felt sorry for her, but he had to stop her.the big picture would always dictate his actions, even if he hated himself afterwards. Right now he hated himself already. He'd just had himself more if he had to kill her. What was a little more self loathing?

"I heard that threat, a lot during my training. I used to go to bed and wonder where I'd wake up.if I'd wake up. Heero.he slipped once and that was the reaction that they had to it. And it was just a little thing.he felt guilty that he killed a little girl about your age. And her dog. An innocent that spoke to him. She got caught up in things.just like you did." Duo continued conversationally, like he had all the time in the world. "He buried the dog, he couldn't find her and they saw him and thought that was unacceptable behavior for their little weapon system on legs. So they tried to destroy anything that he had left, any feelings. Any love."

"I am in charge." Maria spoke with authority, but her eyes were uncertain. He was getting to her.

"So why aren't you leading the charge.inspiring the troops. Getting the hell off this thing before they crash it into the Earth. Because I just saw Dekim beating feet to get off this thing, so it's coming to the end, on a schedule that you know nothing about. Are you just a little doll that they drag out for show, like the Romafellers did Relena?" Duo asked, hating to hurt her, but the alternative was killing Maria and he didn't want to do that.

"Maria."Duo continued softly, "Before we continue this.can you just look in a mirror? I promise, no tricks."

Maria started to protest and then shrugged, she was armed and the mirror would still let her see him. She stood in front of the one by the door and looked back at him. "What am I supposed to see?" she asked sarcastically.

"Look at your eyes Maria.they're still innocent. I always thought that T-chan's were that innocent once. You do have his eyes, his ability to inspire people, just don't abuse it." Duo said, reflectively.

"How.you aren't..?" Maria sputtered.

"Who?" Duo asked, tilting his head grinning suddenly, feeling amused all of a sudden. Threaten Maria with a gun, she's all cool and collected. Hint that he was the one sleeping with her father.she falls apart. "The boogie man? The Easter Bunny?"

"She," Maria said calmly, gesturing at Relena "told me that my father fell in love at the end of the war.you can't be that person though. It couldn't have happened."

Duo smiled sadly, the amusement leaving him, it was hard to believe that the two of them had been in love. "It did. But that isn't the issue here. You are the issue here. I see innocence in your eyes, still. What do you see in mine?"

Maria frowned and turned around, walking up to Duo to peer deeply into his eyes. "I see. nothing."

"That's right. Nothing. Not a thing. No emotion. No joy, no sadness. And it won't change if I have to kill you. Because of people like you grandfather, the plans that he made and his attitude that people are expendable pawns. He 's thinking of destroying the only planet that can support us in the solar system for his pride or ambition. A planet that was bathed in blood for the last couple of years and is still healing from the greed of another set of ambitious old men."

Relena made a small noise of protest, causing Duo and Maria to look over at her.

"Relena." Duo sad gently. "It was bad. The things that happened, things that I did. But Maria.your father realized that his troops weren't expendable. That people, not pawns were fighting for him. And it stole his soul, if he had one left from swimming in the politics of the Romafeller Foundation. He would have liked you to keep your soul, your innocence as long as possible, because it never comes back."

"Duo, "Relena started, "I understand.Une is the same way." Relena stopped and shook her head. "Maria, only you can stop this now. Only you can decide whether you want to continue with this madness and plunge the Earth and the Colonies back into war at best. At worst, cause a global catastrophe that we will not recover from. My brother thought that if he destroyed the Earth the colonies would be at peace, but he was wrong. All he would have done was delayed things by throwing us back into barbarism. The people are trying to keep the peace that was declared a year ago. Let this fragile hope bloom. It may be the thing that stops war forever. I never thought that Total Pacifism was workable, but it was a goal that I hoped for, something that could be nurtured. While I blithely told people that it would just happen, I never thought that it would without a lot of work, sacrifice and unity. It's now starting to mature, this little tree that was planted a year ago. Don't drowned it by watering it in blood."

 

* * *

 

Quatre sighed and looked up at Lady Une. He didn't think that anyone else could tell that she was nervous and worried, but he could. "She'll be alright. Duo must be getting good at this, it is the second time around for him and he is a fast learner."

Une smiled down and him and sighed. "He's not well. He.I worry about him, out in the woods by himself."

"After this, I will try to keep in touch better. He deserves it. I wasn't as good a friend to him as I should have been."

"Quatre, I know that you do have a habit of blaming yourself for things that are beyond your control. Duo's life is beyond what can be controlled. He understood what had to be done. He did it. That he's the way he is today is because of a lot of things. His childhood, not that he had one. His training with that.. "Une trailed off, too ladylike and conscious of the eyes on her to say more. "We can discuss this later."

Quatre smiled. The Maguanacs and Rashid had ignored his orders and most of them were guarding Preventers headquarters and the President. Rashid had been apologetic, but firm.

"Your sister Iria insisted that we come. And I am not a man that would go against the will of that woman. So here we are. They insisted that they can take care of themselves and I was not going to argue with her. She would have made my life miserable Master Quatre. And did you not promise us once that you would not sneak off on your own and fight? And are you not alone? Did you not send Duo and Heero off to fight in Space?"

Quatre shook his head and laughed. "Rashid. I do not expect you to go against the wishes of my sisters, especially Iria. Even I am not man enough for that. As for being alone, I have the Lady Une with me. She is a strong fighter that I trust."

"But she is not someone that can be at your back. She is the leader here and you need fighters. So we will protect this odd person, this democratically elected man, because it is something that you think is important, Master Quatre."

"Thank you Rashid. And do be careful. You all are family too."

So now Rashid was the front line of defense, freeing up the rest of the Preventers to be other places. The sad part was that the President was upset that he had shown up with his private army to protect him. Was the man so insecure to believe that he was going to attempt his own coup or side with the Bartons. He could understand the Preventers anger, he was stepping into their territory, but this was too important not to get involved. But it had taken Lady Une considerable charm to calm the man down. Then he started ranting at her that she should have seen this coming. Quatre jumping into the argument was another thing that did not endear him to the man.

"Shut up." Quatre said quietly, wondering why he was being so rude, but it just popped out after that idiot started to repeat himself during his harangue of Lady Une. "She is dealing with a situation that could not have been predicted. And if it was, what sick person had this idea even before it happened! Lady Une is trying to keep you safe from an attack by Barton's forces, which will happen. She is worried about a friend and her lover, both of whom are in the thick of the fighting. And the apparent leader of the opposition is the daughter of her former commanding officer, who no one knew even existed before this announcement. So shut up, sit down and let her do her job. Screaming at her that she should have seen this coming is not helping her! Let her deal with what is happening. She doesn't have to be here.I'd hire her in a second for Winner Industries. So be thankful that she is on your side and willing to help you." Quatre turned on his heel and walked away, noticing the silence that was following him. Every eye in the control room was on him and even Rashid looked stunned.

Une shook her head and smiled, Quatre was priceless. She didn't think that he would ever be that rude. But it had shut up the honorable president and now she could think, plan what needed to be done. Unfortunately information was sketchy and she had far too much time to worry about what was going on above her head.

 

* * *

 

Duo stared at Maria and Relena. "So answer the nice lady, what will it be? Will you cooperate with us, so that we can work to get this thing back on track and not have everyone on the North American continent die in the next hour? Or do I put a bullet in your brain and go on to save the world?"

Maria stared at Duo, noticing the steady way that he held his gun and the blankness in his eyes. He would kill her. The reports that she had read on pilot 02 made him out to be a jokester, the trickster that pulled of the most amazing attacks, using stealth and wits. Not a man that would announce that he would kill her the same way that one would ask about the weather. That she expected out of the others, Pilot 01 or Pilot 03, the boy that stole her uncle's life and name. That Dekim Barton walked out on her she expected, deep down inside, she even wondered at times if they were related, he treated his dog better then her. Definitely showed it more love. All he ever told her was how disappointed he was that she wasn't smarter, stronger, better. That she didn't look enough like her father, that she was weak to want things like a doll, hugs or a Teddy Bear.

"I will place myself in the custody of Vice Minister Peacecraft. I will then surrender myself to the authorities, after you repair whatever damage has been done to this colony." Maria unbuckled her gun and handed it to Relena,

"I will take you to the control room now."

Duo sighed as Relena took the gun from Maria. "Check to see if the safety's on.if you shoot me in the foot by accident, no more ice cream treats."

"Please, I do know how to handle a gun, Duo." Relena protested.

"Okay, but.if we run into the troops, you captured us Maria," Duo instructed her. "Lead on McDuff and hopefully Heero and Wufei haven't killed each other yet, that they are still around to lend a hand."

"Why would Heero Yuy and Chang Wufei be fighting?" Maria asked, while Duo poked his head out of the door to check for enemy troops.

"Because Heero came out here with me too, he let me sneak in because that's what I do best. Wufei and him just need to talk things out, like why the hell Wufei's here?" Duo answered her, sliding out into the corridor and gesturing the other two to follow him.

Duo motioned for silence as they worked their way down to the central core of the Colony, Maria giving him instructions, which he occasionally checked against his map. He trusted her, she had the same sense of honor that her father had. She wasn't leading them into anything, he just wanted to make sure that he knew where he was going. The crackling of the com unit in his ear made him jump a little.

"Duo.where are you?" Heero demanded.

"I'm heading down to the central core, Dekim Barton has fled to Earth, you might want to follow him, he left about ten minutes ago. But I think that Trowa was on the same shuttle, but I'm not too sure.things are a little off. And I got Relena and Maria with me." Duo replied. "And you?"

"Wufei and I will pursue Barton.you take care of the colony." Heero said.

"As soon as we get closer to Earth, I'll contact Quatre. But I don't know if this line is secure, so I'm signing off."

" 'Kay. see you soon," Duo replied. He closed his eyes for a second and sighed. "Thank God that was worked out. Now they just have to both survive to the end of this."

"Wufei was nice to me." Maria commented, as soon as Duo got them into the control room. Duo sat down at the controls, studying them quickly. As far as he could tell, they had just turned off a whole bunch of things and left, trusting that everyone would be too busy in the attack to fix what they had done.

"Hey Maria-chan," Duo asked absently, "How good are you at hacking around a computer.I need help and I don't think that Relena's up to it, besides I need her to guard the door."

"I am competent, but do you trust me?" she asked sliding into another seat.

"I trust you, because you are an honorable person, just like your father was." Duo said. "Its simple. They were trusting a plan that called for us to fight outside and not sneak in until it was too late. So all we really have to do is work fast and save the day."

Duo was silent after that, frantically rerouting commands and telling the colony nicely that it was supposed to stay up and not crash and leave a mucking big hole in the Earth. They had finished everything when Relena gave a strangled cry.

"Duo.company. Sorry, they snuck up on me." she apologized. There were about five guys behind her.

"No problem." Duo said. "Maria please talk them into letting us go."

"No," Maria said. "I am in your custody, they will surrender to you."

The troops just stared at them, wondering what was going on. The platoon leader stepped forward and cleared his throat. "Who's in charge?", looking at Duo, Relena and Maria-Mary.

Duo shrugged. "I guess I am. Surrender, because Dekim fled about a half hour ago after fiddling with the controls to this place. Hopefully the other Gundam pilots will take care of him. We just fixed it and from what noise I'm hearing over the com link, most of your troops are dead, the fighting has dropped off. All I need now is my pick up. Who is right behind you."

Duo waved at Noin, enjoying the annoyed look on her face and the stunned one on the leader's. " Hi Noin."

"Relena, " Noin cried, "Are you all right, You're not hurt?"

"Noin, I'm fine. I have to get back to get back to Earth. Sally can do mop up here, if that is even needed. It seems to have been limited to a fraction of the colonies population, if they even noticed anything." Relena replied, giving the older woman a quick hug. "We'll take Maria with us and Duo, can you get back on your own? I want you to fly escort or may be catch up with the others. Or something."

"Sure thing 'Jousan, " Duo said, saluting her, while his brain started gibbering again at the thought of stepping back into Shinagami. Something must have showed, because Relena still looked worried even after Duo flashed his patented 'Don't worry I'm Death and damn cheerful to be so' smile at her. Maria squawked when he hugged her. He held her tightly for a moment before whispering into her ear, "Thank you for making the right decision I would have hated like hell to have shot you. But I would have done it, relationship with your father or not."

Duo then ran out the door, pausing to wave good bye again before running down to where he left his Gundam. If he stopped to think about it, he would never be able to climb into that thing again.

 

* * *

 

Trowa carefully made his way to the back of the shuttle out of sight of Dekim Barton. Barton thought that he was still in the brig, but as soon as the fighting started, Trowa had broken out of what was laughably referred to a prison, stole a uniform and made his way towards Dekim, since he was the person to watch out for. He had to kill him, with his death this rebellion would die out and he could get back to his life.

The long months that he was here gave him time to think. He had been found out late in the masquerade, thankfully by Wufei. Who then argued that Trowa was more useful to them alive and managed to convince Dekim that he was better off in the brig. Trowa was still wondering why that worked, Dekim must be slipping. He should have been killed. But the time alone, shaken out of the rut that he let himself fall into of flitting closer to Quatre, then running away to be in the circus, to be with Catherine, allowed him to wonder exactly what he wanted out of life. It let him think and decide on what he should do. He loved Quatre. That was never the question, but he was overwhelming at times, frightening him with the intensity of his love for him. That Quatre allowed him to do this senseless dance was a miracle. But over time, he got the feeling that Quatre was not going to wait forever. That something might tempt him, something like Heero Yuy. He didn't know that they were together. He just guessed it. Wufei was here, involved in this rebellion for his own reasons. And Heero, while he was invincible in battle at times, did need a guiding hand as a civilian, he was the same way. So Heero was most likely with Quatre and would gradually melt into his charm, like an ice cube in the summer sun. Trowa just hoped that Quatre would forgive him for this one last dance and let him come back.

As the shuttle neared Earth, Trowa prepared himself. A bullet into Dekim. Then escape if possible, if not. Well.that was the chance that he took months ago. He just regretted that he never really told Quatre how he felt about him, just hoped that he would feel it, like he felt everything else. Trowa listened to the announcement that Dekim made, threatening to kill the Vice Minister if they didn't let the shuttle land safely, outside Preventer headquarters. Dekim neglected to mention that he had left Relena back on the colony and she would be dead within the hour if they didn't fix the colonies controls. Trowa wasn't worried about that though, he thought he had seen Duo running thought the hanger bay. It had to be Duo, no one else would have a braid like that. Dou would take care of things for him, he was good at that.

Trowa heard Lady Une promising Dekim that there were no Preventer troops in the area, that it was safe for them to land. Trowa wondered what was going on, until he caught a glimpse of a small blonde figure, half hidden behind Lady Une. It was Quatre. Trowa almost smiled, Quatre's troops were the ones around the building, camouflaged in some way. He could wait until the shuttle was on the ground before shooting Dekim. Preferably in sight of Lady Une. Trowa waited, landing was only in a few minutes and he managed to squeeze himself into a small space near the exit. Dekim would pass by this way and the man was so arrogant that he thought that all his troops were loyal to him, so he didn't worry about guards. The shuttle landed and Dekim made his way to the exit, chuckling to himself. Trowa held still and blended into the shadows, not much cover but it would do. Trowa caught a glimpse of Lady Une and Quatre at the landing area. Dekim went out the door, standing at the top of the stairs, gloating one last time before starting down. Time slowed for Trowa. He noticed Une's worried expression when she didn't see Relena. Quatre's look of shock when Trowa stepped out of the shadows. Dekim, turning to face him as he heard his gun cock, staring at him in horror, shock, outrage. His mouth forming the word 'Nanashi' before Trowa blew his brains out the back of his head and onto the rest of his shocked troops. He then spoke, dropping his gun and raising his hands. "The rebellion is over."

Quatre rushed up the stairs and hugged Trowa, overjoyed that he was safe.

Too overcome by emotion to really say anything. Trowa hugged him back, kissing the top of his head and whispering in his ear. "I love you. I'm ready to stop running away now. if you'll have me."

"Trowa," Quatre whispered back. "I've been waiting to hear that for so long."

"This is touching," someone observed sarcastically, "but can we straighten things out, that is if Mr. Winner will let us?"

Trowa stared at the man, he should know him from somewhere, but it was escaping him at the moment. All that matter was Quatre. He barely registered the fact that Wufei and Heero had landed and were also at the bottom of the steps.

"Mr. President," he heard Lady Une say, "Mr. Winner's troops will be leaving soon, as for Mr. Winner, he seems to be rather preoccupied right now. I doubt if he is willing to continue what Dekim Barton started."

Quatre right now wasn't interested in anything that would separate him from Trowa, including getting out of the way of the forensics team that were suddenly here to clean up the mess that Trowa had just made. Trowa shrugged and then lifted Quatre up. He had gotten a little taller and heavier while he was gone, but it was good. Trowa carefully carried him down the stairs, ignoring Quatre's giggles and the shocked stares that they were getting from everyone that was milling around the shuttle, Trowa put Quatre down after he worked his way through the crowd, ending up next to Wufei and Heero, who were holding hands.

"I see you got out of the brig." Wufei observed, throwing caution to the wind and actually putting his arm around Heero, in public. Heero just twitched his lips and melted into Wufei a little.

"No problem. And thank you. I had a lot of time to think.to realize what was important."

"Good," Heero said, smiling a little at Trowa. "I.it.you're lucky."

"As are you," Trowa agreed, nodding at Wufei.

Lady Une walked up to them, apparently the only one that wasn't disturbed by their open displays of affection. Heero looked over at her, "Relena should be safe. Last message that I got was that she and Maria-Mary were being taken here by Noin, Duo was following in Shinigami."

"Thank you." Une said quietly, her relief at the news obvious. "But Quatre, could you order the Maguanacs to leave? I know that they deserve to be part of this, but he's nervous."

"That is all right Lady Une," Quatre said. "I don't think that I will stay around either. I just want to see Duo again and then leave. They will go now, it's better with all the confusion. And if you chose to say that they were not here, they and I understand."

"Thank you Quatre, thank you all. I hate that you are all have been dragged into this, but we couldn't have done it without you." She replied, giving them all a small hug.

Relena worked her way though the crowd, rudely pushing where people wouldn't get out of her way. She looked tired, was a mess and Une thought that she was the most beautiful thing in the world. She gathered the younger girl into a bone crushing hug whispering, "You're safe, you're safe."

Relena returned it, "I was so worried about you." she whispered back.

The President was about to interrupt them when someone grabbed his arm.

"Move and you will regret it. Let 'Neesan have a few minutes with her lover, before you start acting like a jackass again. I heard enough about it from Quatre's people." a voice said by his side. He looked down to see a slender boy standing next to him. he glared down at him, wondering who he thought he was to talk to him like that. The boy must have read his mind because he grinned mirthlessly. "I'm one of the guys that just saved your ass from Dekim. Not that I actually did it for you, because I don't give a damn about you. But Relena was in trouble and I don't want 'Neesan worried. She shouldn't have to anymore. But get that stick out of your ass and nicely thank Quatre, Trowa , Wufei and Heero, because they just did it again. And they didn't have to, so stop acting like loving another man is a mortal sin.it works for them."

"I take it you are also another one of those Gundam pilots?" he asked haughtily.

"Got in one." Duo bared his teeth again at the guy, he was too tired and too strung out to be nice. "Stop acting like your shit don't smell because you never got your hands dirty to make this peace, that you were lucky enough never to have done anything to earn your office besides convincing people to vote for you. Just remember that this peace is built on the bones of the dead, the grief of a lot of people, and the blood of soldiers that fought for a cause, no matter what side they were on. A lot of people died to make this moment, so don't piss me off by acting like it just happened. Let them be together before you start tearing them apart."

He stared, astonished that someone would speak to him like that, he was the World President. And he was being scolded by a boy that didn't look old enough to vote. "I."

"Stuff it. I don't care, never did." Duo dismissed him from his mind. He looked down at Maria, not too far down, she was going to be tall like her father. And he was going to be short. "Lets get going Maria-chan. I know a place we can crash and shower. They'll get around to us eventually, right now all I want is a shower and to get away from all these people before I start screaming."

"All right Duo.but.could.you tell me something about my father?" she asked.

"No problem, his favorite color was blue. Duo said, his voice trailing off into the distance as they walked away from the crowd. No one was paying attention to two children, dressed in mismatched clothes too big for them, holding hands and slipping quietly into the morning.


	11. Part 10

Duo checked into the hotel, ignoring the stares that he and Maria were getting from the other people in the lobby. He expected them. It wasn't everyday that two kids, looking like refugees checked into the place. Most of the clothes that they had just picked up were stuffed into a backpack, which looked like the only luggage that they had. What they were wearing was too big, mismatched and smelled like gun powder and other odd things. But the credit card was good, it checked out that it was his, and was actually in his real name. The clerk hemmed and hawed a bit, but eventually gave in and they got a room. Duo sighed in relief, when they got to it and sat on the bed.

"Thanks Maria, for not making a scene, its just that we are going to have to talk about a few things. And I want a shower, food and a nap. I know that you are supposed to be under arrest right now, but Une and Relena need some time alone. That's actually why I didn't hit Une's place. They're probably gonna end up there for a while." _And Noin was too stunned to stop me from getting you out of there. Relena's feet didn't hit the ground as she ran to 'Neesan. I slipped in after her, asked Maria to come with me, covered up the Boy Scout outfit with a uniform shirt from the shuttle and got out of there, before Noin could say yes, no or stop that. But I couldn't keep her safe there, not with the Barton troops still around, She could have caused a riot whether she wanted to or not. I needed someplace away from the troops. I couldn't handle that crowd, it was like Cologne, I just wanted to scream and not stop. But I couldn't leave her alone, its my fault that she was on that shuttle._

"Why?" Maria asked curiously, sitting down next to Duo.

"They're involved. I'd bet that after this they're gonna move in together somewhere. They wanted to, but were waiting until Relena's legal, just so there isn't a fuss." Duo explained.

"Oh." Maria quietly. She studied Duo, noticing that he seemed a lot calmer now that they were away from people. She knew she should be afraid of him, he did threaten to kill her, but she couldn't get enough energy up to do so. And he apologized afterwards about the threat. But she still couldn't figure out what attracted her father to this boy. He was beautiful, but.he was sad, fragile even now that he wasn't actively trying to save the colony. He was missing something inside of him.

"You okay Maria?" Duo asked softly. "If you want me to take you someplace else I will."

"Duo.I have no place else to go. My grandfather is dead. The colony is in turmoil and I doubt that I can recover anything, I expect the clan will disappear as fast as possible after destroying as much information as possible."

"You can stay with me. Besides after this night or two. I doubt that they're going to do anything to you. You're eight and Dekim fucking abandoned you! I don't know if I'll get custody, I'm a minor and really screwed in the head right now. My former activities as a terrorist don't look too good either. If not me, Trowa's your uncle, legally, he'll take you in, his sister Catherine will take care of you too, she's nice if you aren't dragging her little brother off to be a soldier. She always got pissed at that. Catherine can teach you to throw sharp pointy things at a person, that's their act at the circus. She throws knives at Trowa. If he doesn't go back with Quatre, you can live with the two of them in the circus. But I think Trowa will go back to Quatre, thank God, since you couldn't get a piece of paper between the two of them. They are good for each other. And Quatre's got a herd of sisters, nieces and nephews. If they do press charges, we can lose you in among them for a while." Duo said.

"But why? You don't know me, you threatened to kill me." Maria asked.

"Because you're a kid that got caught up in the adult world. I lived there when I was your age, I know that it's a scary place. I want to, I don't know, protect you, even though you need it as much as Une does. Because I loved your father and he took care of me." Duo answered softly. "Just think of your options while I take a shower, after you order room service, I haven't eaten in a while, you haven't either I bet."

"No," Maria admitted shyly, "But how can you afford this?" Money was something that she really didn't understand, but no seventeen year old should be able to afford this.

"OZ, my child, OZ. They nicely financed me for the next year or two." Duo answered, rummaging for his new clothes. He thought that he'd burn the other pair he was wearing, he could smell Shinigami on them, may be after they moved him. But he hoped that Quatre would take care of that little problem. That's why he was visiting him in the first place.

"How?" Maria asked.

"Money skimming, creative accounting, out and out theft. I was a street thief growing up." Duo answered. "Order what you want, just a hamburger and fries for me, with a soda."

"Okay" Maria said, moving over to the phone and ordering what he wanted, she just made it a double order, it was easier that way. When the food came she signed for it, glaring at the waiter until he backed down. She wasn't going to walk in on Duo in the shower. After about a half an hour, she was starting to get worried, it shouldn't take that long, even with that much hair. She knocked on the door, softly. After a few minutes, she knocked louder and called out Duo's name. She waited, not getting an answer, so she decided to just walk in. It would be embarrassing for the two of them, but she was worried.

"Duo," Maria called, when she opened the door. "You okay? The food's here. You should eat." She hesitated, not getting an answer or acknowledgement for Duo she walked into the steam filled bathroom. "Duo? You're not hurt or anything are you?"

She gasped when she saw Duo in the shower, just rocking back and forth, muttering to himself. She couldn't hear what he was saying, and she thought that he might be crying, but she wasn't sure. Steam swirled around him, blurring things and his hair covered most of him, but she wasn't getting closer unless she had to.

"Duo!" Maria shouted, hoping that would get him back. "It's okay."

"Maria?" Duo asked fuzzily, slowing down. "What are you doing in here?" Then he blushed. She shouldn't be seeing him like this, not trying to figure out if -this - covered him spacing out on her or the naked part.

"It's been a while. The food's here. We should eat. Are you okay?"

"Not really." Duo laughed bitterly. "Not for a while. I think I just wigged out on you. If you want to book I don't mind, but I'm more self destructive then anything. I won't get violent on you."

"Well," Maria waffled, "Just get dressed. I'll give you five minutes, then I'm going to drag you out of here." She was scared, tired and Duo acting like this was just one more problem. She was too numb to actually deal with it. Dekim's death, even if he was rotten to her, shook her. She wanted to break down and cry, scream, do anything, but she didn't know if she could now, not with the one 'adult' that knew where she was acting like this.

"Okay," Duo agreed tiredly. He was worried, tired and strung out. He hadn't done that before. He didn't think he had, but he might not have remembered it and he didn't blame Maria for being a bit nervous. Her world just came crashing down on her and he was wigging out. He was supposed to take care of her, not the other way around. "I'll get it together and dressed because you shouldn't see me naked. It's not right for one thing and for another I'm a bit beat up. Which gave me some of the problems that I have. So I'll be out in a sec."

"Good. Or I'll come back here and turn the water on cold," she threatened.

Duo laughed again, happier this time. Maria was okay. And had the same sense of humor that T-chan had. He shut off the water as soon as she left the room grabbed a couple of towels to dry his hair and body with, then got dressed. He didn't bother brushing out his hair, he was more interested in eating, now he was kinda hungry. Maria had placed the tray on one of the beds and was sitting on it waiting for him. She smiled when he came out of the bathroom dressed and looking somewhat sane.

"Sorry about what happened Maria. I started getting flashbacks after I crawled into Shinigami again after a year of not fighting. I should be okay.hopefully I'm too tired for the nightmares, I usually have." Duo explained as he sat down. "Eat! Eat! You're too skinny!" Duo urged her with a big smile. He grabbed a couple of fries and was nibbling on them as he leaned over and picked up the phone.

"I should call Une, she actually might be wondering where the hell I am. Relena might too, but I doubt it. They still either caught in the crowd or are doing something else." Duo said, punching in Une's home number. He waited a few minutes, glad that it went into voice mail, that showed they weren't too worried about him. "Hey 'Neesan, me and the little one are at the Inn downtown, in room 425. Just so that you know where we are. We'll be here for a while.get some time for nice-nice with 'Jousan. You both deserve it, you can debrief me later."

Duo hung up the phone and attacked his hamburger, managing to eat about half of it before he was full. He was glad to see that Maria ate all of hers and was making inroads on his French fires because she was still hungry.

"You okay with things for now?" Duo asked, watching her eat. That she was hungry was a good sign.

"I'm scared." she said, wondering if her would hit her for that. She had been taught never to admit those feelings, it was wrong. But she was scared, everything changed on her and not for the better. Duo was the only person that seemed to care and he was not very sane, from that scene in the shower. So she might be able to say those things and not get hit.

"You should be. Everyone gets scared," Duo said, "You're falling faster into the unknown then the colony was into the atmosphere. It's scary. You have no idea what to do, the things that you were taught don't apply here. All you have to do is hope that you survive this experience and go on to the next one."

"How do you know that?" Maria asked curiously.

"A couple of ways, I was on the streets since I was about two. When I was older, about your age, I was doing anything to survive, so I know the scary adults and being alone. How evil the world can be. How hurtful. When I was fifteen, I was involved in Operation Meteor, modified, of course." Duo smiled at the memories, his tone getting softer, happier. "I had been on the PeaceMillion for about a year or so, before that I was living in the L2 colonies, then I'm hurling me and my mate, Shinigami to Earth, this big blue beautiful place. It had water, so much that you could take a shower for an hour, no problem. And it rained and snowed, and both tasted good, not recycled and metallic. I thought that the war would be over in a few months and I could lose myself on Earth, become a whole new person."

"What happened?" Maria asked.

"It was all going good for our side, then T-chan pulls the OZ take over of the Federation, by herding all the Federation leaders into one place and leaking that they are actually all biggies in OZ. So we pilots all run down and attack the place, hoping that this is the end of the war. At the same time he's got all his people taking over Fed bases. Then Wufei tells us it was a con and we fell like country bumpkins. T-chan also managed to trick Heero into blowing up the Feddie Doves over New Edwards. Heero thought he was ending the war, in a way he was.the Doves had to die, just wished he wasn't the one that did it."

"Oh." Maria said in a small tone. She hadn't thought of that. She had heard of the incident, but not that way. it wasn't the glorious plan that Dekim described. It was the actions of a desperate boy who thought that what he was doing was right.

"Heero got a little more screwed in the head after that and then self destructing himself and surviving didn't help. I think that falling for Wufei was the only thing that kept him alive during the war." Duo said, watching the shocked look on Maria's face. "But.he wasn't too tightly wound to begin with. None of us were, except maybe Quatre. We were a bunch of kids that were handed guns, and mucking big machines, then told to go out and kill everything or do whatever our orders told us to do, no questions. The men with the plan didn't care about us, we were tools to them. Dekim had a hand training Heero.he has so many broken bones and odd scars that I wonder how he survived his childhood."

"How could my father have done this?" Maria cried, confused. Was everything that she had been told about him a lie?

Duo sighed and moved the tray of food to the floor. "Come sit next to me, I'll try and answer your questions. But what I know might not be right either. We never really discussed the war, it was something that we both avoided, like my motives, my past or our future."

Maria crawled up to the head of the bed, surprised the sitting next to Duo made her feel better, that he put his arms around her and drew her onto his lap was surprising. No one had really hugged her before, not that she remembered. It felt.warm.

"T-chan, your father, told me once that he looked at the big picture, the whole thing. He tried to stop the war with the least amount of casualties on either side. If that meant pulling the crap that he did, well.neither one of us slept too good at night."

"But.."

"But what? You weren't there, neither was Dekim. He probably was in a backroom someplace trying to make crooked deals so his family was out on top. T-chan did what he thought was right, if he screwed it up, he paid for it by knowing that he got someone killed that shouldn't have died. Or he died himself.I am still trying to figure out stupidity that he was pulling with Wufei." Duo tried to keep his voice calm and level and not break down and do something embarrassing like cry.

"Wufei?" Maria was confused, Wufei had been a Gundam pilot. How did he know her father?

"Yeah, Wufei killed your father, which is why he was with you to begin with. You mentioned that he was nice to you, if he was, he meant it. He's big into the honor code, like T-chan was. They started dueling occasionally after New Edwards. Wufei was pissed at the death of the Doves and he chased after him with Trowa and then proceeded to get his ass kicked, by your father. Who then let him go and offered him a rematch in the future. Me and Quatre were fighting the remaining troops at New Edwards and Heero was defusing a nuke, because 'Neesan, excuse me, Une decided that blowing up the place around us was a good idea. That she was going to destroy a 300 kilometers radius circle around us too, well she thought it was a good idea at the time. From what I was told later, T-chan was royally pissed."

Maria giggled. She had a mental picture of her father kicking Wufei several times on his backside before Wufei scurried off. Duo smiled to hear her giggle, she was too solemn, like him. Maria stopped giggling after a while and looked up at Duo. And to hear Duo tell her that story, he made it sound not funny, but not as scary as it he could make it sound.

"Why do you call me father, T-chan?" she asked, switching the subject. Duo was starting to get some more shadows in his eyes and she didn't want to trigger another incident like she saw in the shower.

"Chan is a term of endearment in Japanese. That was about the only language we had in common, spoken. His English was better then my nonexistent German, but still not too fluent. Spanish we both knew a little of, he was more fluent then I was, but in a different dialect. I didn't speak Russian and he didn't speak Arabic. We both read a lot more languages then we spoke, but your father had an excellent education, while I was a street rat. I learned a dozen different words, in a dozen different languages to survive on L2, but not much more. So I started calling him T-chan the second night we were together. It was cutesy, I admit, but I didn't want to slip around the others, so a nickname was something that I needed. And.T-chan was a different person then the guy that was running the show. More relaxed, fun.easier to tease. So wasn't 'Neesan. She worked with me during the war, while Une was trying to kill me. It was confusing and heartbreaking and" Duo's voice caught, "one of the better years of my life. Better then the last one has been."

"Ah." Maria murmured, getting sleepy. She felt safe with Duo's arms around her and she had eaten and was so tired. She listened to his voice as he explained things to her, she should ask him more questions, just so she could hear it, he was very soothing. " Duo.why you? Why not one of the others? Or Une?"

"That's a tough one." Duo said, wondering what he should tell her. But he never lied to her father, he wasn't about to start lying to her, they had started out their relationship rocky enough. "I.I had been a whore, my controller knew it, I don't know how, but he did. So he told me to get in there and spread my legs for the glory of the colonies. I didn't really want to, I thought it was stupid and degrading. But he insisted, telling me that they could always get another pilot that knew his priorities. I really didn't want to do it, but I thought I was making a difference, doing something to stop things. So I went in to his bed, after his lover left."

"Who was that?" Maria asked almost inaudibly, Duo thought that she would be asleep in a few more minutes. She knew who he had been, but it would keep Duo talking. He was comforting, in a weird way. She wasn't forgetting that he had threatened to kill her and was most likely crazy, but if he was kept occupied, he might be okay.

"There's a price for that info," Duo teased her.

"What?"

"We crawl into the other bed, I tell you everything that you want to know, until you fall asleep, then I'm crawling back into my own bed, because we shouldn't be sleeping together."

"Bed's big enough and you feel nice. No one's ever bothered before to hug me, treat me like a child. I was supposed to be adult, tough, not need anyone."

"Fuck!" Duo cursed, then blushed. "Oops." _The same crap that Heero was fed. I hope that you're able to overcome the conditioning because you need hugs. And I need to give them to you._

Maria giggled, she had heard the word before, you did around soldiers. Duo shook his head and slid out from underneath her. He did have to start watching his mouth.

"We'll see what happens." Duo said, turning down the covers on the other bed and stealing the pillows from the one they were on, the headboard was digging into his spine. "Take off your shoes,"

"Okay," Maria sleepily agreed, toeing them off, she stripped out of her uniform, then put on the oversized shirt that Duo had produced from the shuttle. She then crawled into the other bed, cuddling up to Duo.

"Thank you," she murmured, "You're nice."

"I try to be, but if management crashes in on us, I'm screwed." Duo complained, giving her a hug.

"Just say that I forced you."

"That's gonna go over real well." Duo said, chuckling himself. "Where were we? Are you sure you want to know all this now? It's a real stupid bedtime story. How about something nicer.like 'Hansel and Gretel'?"

"Never heard of that one.you can tell me tomorrow night." Maria said, "Besides.no one ever told me anything besides that Treize was my father. Not that he loved my mother, obviously he didn't or he would have stayed with her. Or what he really was like. I was fed a bunch of lies to do what they wanted. Not that I cared, if I obeyed Dekim.he didn't hit me. He paid attention to me. No one really paid attention to me, just the soldiers and that was because of my father. Wufei.he was nice to me, he'd tell me things. Not about my father but.little things. Stories about other wars, proverbs from Sun Tzu, stories about a female warrior named Natuku. Lessons really."

" I don't know about your mother. No one knows that but T-chan and her. But he wasn't into casual relationships and he told me he didn't sleep around. He was serious about that. He found out after the first person used sex to get ahead with him, it wasn't worth it. " Duo sighed and switched the subject. Maria really didn't need to know all that. "Wufei would make a good teacher. The stories about Natuku, might be about his wife. She was killed on the first attack on their colony. She was a kick ass fighter, he told me a little about her, not much, when I was trying to help him get his head together after watching his entire colony self destruct, because they were under another attack from Romafeller troops. They took a couple of dozen squads with them, but.Wufei had to watch it." Duo finished sadly. "It was before the last battle, what's been dubbed by some as the Eve Wars, it was the last time that we were all together before this morning. Heero and Quatre were zombies because of the Zero system. Trowa was frantic about Quatre and Wufei, both of who were a mess, not talking to anyone. Heero was just being.odder then usual. I was persona non grata, for the last couple of months because no one trusted me, I was sleeping with your father. Then Zechs blew up that island and things just came to a boil." Duo fell silent, unconsciously tightening his hold around Maria, lost in his own memories.

"Zechs.he was crazy. He was the lover that I was sent in to replace. It was joke really. He was tall, blonde, angelic looking guy. He grew up with T-chan. They had a lot in common. I was a street rat, minimal education, who only knew what he did because the nun at the orphanage he was at, tried to give me some sort of education, outside the crap that the Fed school was brainwashing us with. I was there for a couple years.then the troops leveled the orphanage, with everyone inside, because of the trouble that I caused, and the rebels that took the place over. I came back after jacking a mobile suit for the rebels to a hole in the ground. So I know, sort of what your going through. I'll try and help you, but I'm really screwed up."

"I'm sorry," Maria whispered. She really was. Dekim, no matter how bad it was, never really hurt her, after the first few hits he stopped. He didn't want the bruises to show. His punishments were more mental then physical abuse. But she was fed regularly and knew that she had some worth, even if it was as a tool. But Duo never had that he had the streets, he had security just for a short time and then it was gone, and he felt that it was his fault.

"Its okay, you were like one, may be. And it's not one person's fault. A lot of people had hand in destroying that place." Duo whispered back. "The rebels, the Feds and me. It's just one of those things that happen."

"But.." Maria started

"But what?" Duo asked, his voice getting stronger. "You life hasn't been to too good so far. Dekim used you. He was mean to you and your life just came crashing down. Don't start with the buts or the mights."

"What's going to happen now?" she asked in a small voice.

"What do you want?" Duo asked.

"I want to sleep. But.shouldn't.." Maria trailed off, yawning.

"Sleep. Something will come to you."

"Could you keep talking?" Maria asked, "It sounds nice, soothing."

Duo yawned himself, ready to crash. He knew that he wasn't making it back to his bed. "I'm telling you a bed time story then,"

"Okay.you'll tell me more though?"

"I promise," Duo said, "But once upon a time." his voice trailed of as he realized that Maria had fallen asleep. He thought that he should get up, but it was so comfy and he didn't want to disturb Maria, he'd just sit for a while. He fell asleep less then a minute after Maria.

 

* * *

 

Duo woke to the sound of the phone ringing. He sleepily groped for it, trying not to wake up Maria, who was half on his lap still. "Yeah?' he asked sleepily.

"Duo?" Une asked,

"Yeah, 'Neesan, what time is it?"

"About noon, you called me yesterday." Une said. Duo wasn't too coherent waking up anymore she noticed. If he ever had been.

"Everything okay?" he asked, shifting Maria onto the bed. They hadn't moved all night. And she looked adorable asleep.

"You have her?" Une asked sharply.

"Not a secure line?" Duo asked, waking up a bit more.

"No.there shouldn't be a problem, but.."

"We're together, should we move?" he asked, getting up and stretching a little. He was realizing how easy they were to trace, he even had used his real name on the credit card that was paying for this room.

"Yes. someone should be there to pick you up in twenty minutes, they'll move you to a secure location. Do you mind?"

"Just don't separate us.she's.it was nasty.not her fault." Duo asked. _You do and I'm gonna book with her. She too young to be on trial and no one is just going to disappear her. I couldn't protect T-chan, I'm gonna protect his daughter._

"We can discuss that later. Twenty minutes." Une said. Duo hoped that she wasn't lying.

"Lobby.I have to check out." Duo said, stalling for time. He had to plan a couple of things.

"Okay.I'm sending a couple of Preventers."

"Recruits.young, green, no politics." he asked, they were less likely to have an agenda that he had to worry about.

"Okay. And Duo, thank you."

"Une.you're both family. You do for family." Duo said, his throat tightening. He meant it, just hoped that he didn't have to chose between Une and Maria, because Maria would win. She needed him more.

Maria opened her eyes, at the sound of the phone hanging up. "What's up?"

"We're being moved.I don't know where. Pick up down in the lobby in nineteen minutes. So shower, get dressed into what we bought yesterday, I comb out this mess and we check out."

"Sounds good.where to though?" Maria asked, in a worried tone.

"I can't even guess," Duo apologized. "it wasn't a secure line and you still might be grabbed by Pro-Treize people, if they're any around. I don't know how many people caught your little announcement. Or Dekim's people. Or another random nut besides myself,"

"You're not a nut." Maria said, grabbing her new clothes to change into after her shower. "You're a psycho."

"Thanks a lot.flattery is not getting you out of me taking care of you. If you want me too. I might be able to talk Wufei into it, but he's just gotten back with Heero, I hope. They didn't kill each other and they were also doing the PDA thing that was pissing off Mr. Jackass."

"I don't think the President's name is Jackass, Duo." Maria said amusedly. He was a nut, but harmless most of the time, yesterday with the President showed that. The shower incident, she'd worry about later. "And what's PDA?"

"Public Display of Affection. Both of them didn't do it in the past, they were so uptight. Actually there was one incident, but I'm not telling you about it because you're eight and I think I've corrupted you enough with my potty mouth and bad stories." Duo explained.

"You haven't. I can even conjugate the word fuck if you want, in three different languages. I've read Aristophanes in the original Greek. And I'm almost nine, just a couple of more days." Maria informed him, coming out of the bathroom to see Duo frantically brushing out his hair, it took a couple of minutes, but conditioner worked its usual magic and he managed to get it braided, the clothes into their pack and down into the lobby and checked out within the time allotted.

They were waiting in the lobby, when a couple of Preventers walked into the lobby. Duo eyed them for a second, before approaching them. Young and nervous, but trying to hide it. The taller of the two was scanning the area like he was looking for them, but he was still nervous. Was Une starting to chew through Preventer recruits like she had the OZ newbies? That was what got her the reputation as the most dreaded woman in OZ, not her intelligence skills. She had mellowed, but meeting Treize-sama's daughter might have put her on edge. But Duo was suspicious, why would they be nervous? It was a simple pick up them up and drive them to someplace else assignment.

"Maria, if I say run, just do it. Out the back. I'll follow if I can, but if not, get out any way that you can. Here's money for a cab, the address is printed on the note. If that looks bad, and I trust your instincts on this one, there are a couple of other places listed. You should have enough money to get to a couple of them. I learned early that cash was a kid's best friend. Most of the other addresses are Quatre's holdings in the area. Just tell them that Shinigami sent you. They should let you in. most of them are a soft touch for a kid any how. Just stay out of sight until I check these two out. I maybe crazy, but it kept me alive during the war."

"I trust you Duo." Maria said, falling back to hide behind a pillar and some fake plants.

Duo strolled out into the Lobby, pasting a big smile on his face and walking up to the Preventers, swinging the pack by his side. "Hi. I think that I'm the guy you're looking for."

"Where's the girl?"

Duo shrugged, "She might be in the bathroom. I remember my first few days on Earth, my body was a little off." _Nothing friendly, just the facts, it thought Une would have people that would know me at least. Have a description._

"You let her go alone?" one of them asked.

"She's a girl. I'm a guy. That means we don't use the same facilities. And she's old enough to be by herself. And how about you know, those silly things called introductions? I'm Duo Maxwell. And you are?" _Not friendlies, are you even the people that you should be? I don't trust you._

The taller one looked down his nose at Duo. Duo pegged him to be twenty at the most, so he probably hadn't really followed the war, he may have actually enjoyed his high school years. "I am Jackson and my partner's name is Gramm. We're here just for the girl, not the two of you."

Gramm nodded absently, he looked to be the older of the two. But Jackson, who was in charge, was acting like he was a terrorist again and that was not good. Okay so he looked like hell, was pegged as a pervert because he was with Maria in the first place and his hair was too long for them because they were both had theirs in a military buzz cut, while his was hanging below his ass. But he's wager that he was a better shot then either of them and had seen more action by the time he was ten then these two had seen in their entire life.

"'Friad not, my intel says the two of us for a pick up, so we'll wander over to Preventers headquarters without you two." Duo said, edging out of the way. Gramm moved to cut Duo off and Duo dodged around him and swung the pack at Jackson, screaming "Run!"

Duo hoped that this worked that it wasn't some stupid screw up on his part, like with Heero and their Gundams the first time that they had meet. But that had ended up all right, so may be this would. He kept that thought in his head as he was buying time for Maria fighting these two. He was oddly proud of the fact that he managed to keep them occupied long enough for Maria to book it. He would have done better, but it had been a while since he had done any real fighting and he was rusty. And he didn't really want to hurt either one of them. They had no compunctions though and Jackson had managed to wrestle him to the ground, while Gramm put the cuffs on him.

After that was done Gramm booked it out the back, leaving Jackson sitting on him, but returned in a couple of minutes without Maria. Duo was happy, even though his chuckles at the look on their faces earned him a boot to the ribs. He was still vaguely satisfied with himself, when they dragged him out to their patrol car and delivered him to Preventer Headquarters.

 

* * *

 

Maria ran. Duo said run and she did, he maybe insane, but he knew what he was doing it seemed most of the time. She made her way out the back, wondering how she was going to find a cab, would they take her where she wanted to go and did she really have enough money. Once she hit the street, she slowed down, running she remembered reading somewhere was a sign of guilt and people would stop you on principle. She couldn't afford that. When she was a couple of blocks away from the hotel she started to look for a cab.

She realized that she stood out in the crowd of business people and tourists. She appeared to be a lost little girl. She was a lost little girl. Her family was dead, the only person that had showed any interest in her well being was a mentally deranged teenager, that had carried on a clandestine affair with her father, a man who never even knew that she was alive. From the looks that she was getting, a lot of people didn't like the fact that she was alone. In fact one of them was approaching her now. It was an elderly woman, about her grandfather's age.

"Little girl are you lost?" she asked.

Maria waited a second before replying, translating the words into a language that she was more familiar with. The woman was speaking English. She knew that one, but was more comfortable with German. Duo had been switching between English and Japanese all night, she thought that he probably hadn't realized that he was doing that. She understood him well enough, she had often been praised for her ability to learn languages, but speaking it was another matter.

"Yes," she answered slowly, knowing that her accent was horrible. "I need a cab, please. I have been separated from my brother and he told me to get cab if happen."

"Are you sure that you lost him?" the woman persisted.

"Yes.gone a time that is long he has been." Maria said, knowing that her syntax was shot too, with her accent. But she was scared, still tired after a night's sleep and her fairy godmother want to be made her want to scream.

"I get one, do you know where you are going?"

"Note, address on note." Maria said.

"Then I can drive you there," the woman offered kindly. "It will be no trouble."

Maria shook her head, "Cab. No stranger. Brother say cab."

She was stupid enough to try and be part of a hostile takeover of the world government, but there was no way that she was stupid enough to get into a car with a total stranger, kindly old lady or not. Duo looked harmless too. She looked harmless, but was a crack shot.

"My dear, why waste the effort? And I'm not a stranger. My name is Mrs. Peele. What's your name?"

"I told to take cab!" Maria felt her control slipping and her voice cracking as she started to panic. No one was paying attention to them, so she started to slip away from the kindly but unknown Mrs. Peele. She knew that if she created a scene, they would believe Mrs. Peele just had a cranky grandchild that needed a swift crack for discipline. No one would believe her. And then she would be in trouble. She had no idea who this woman was and where she might end up, a victim of the woman's kindness. If she was dragged to the authorities she was in trouble, because technically she was an escaped prisoner.

"My dear, stop panicking."

Maria shook her head, then turned and ran, not caring what it looked like. She had to get out of this section, into someplace that wasn't a business center, where a child alone did not stick out so much. After a few minutes, she slowed down her flight and started to walk normally, hoping to find a park, a playground or something. She walked for a while, then heaved a sigh of relief when she ran across a playground. She stood watching the children play for a little while before looking to flag down a cab. She managed to have one actually stop for her after a while and handed him the carefully printed note with Une's address on it. All the addresses were on separate notes. Une's had a little smiley face on it, which cheered her up. The other notes were all wrapped around the money that she would have to use to get to them, if she had to.

But the cabbie wasn't interested in anything else, after she showed him the money. His English was worse then hers and after a couple of false starts, she found out that he spoke Russian, so switched to that she was more comfortable with that language. She chatted with him on the ride over in that language, seeing him relax as she prattled on about everything that she saw outside the window of the cab. She didn't realize that she could do that. But she charmed the cabbie and was happy to see that the apartment building that he dropped her off at, matched the address. She gave him the money, hoping that it was enough and was oddly pleased to see that she left him a good tip with all the money that Duo allotted for the trip. The cabbie had been nice.

Maria got out of the cab and was waving good bye when she felt someone calling to her from above. She was surprised to hear her name that she responded to the voice instinctively, looking up to see Relena and Une sitting on a balcony on the third floor, wondering why she was surprised when she heard Relena exclaim "Maria?!"

She turned and looked up and waved at the two of them. She cupped her hands around her mouth and called up to them "Could you let me in please?"

Relena got up to buzz her in, while Une leaned over and called. "Duo?"

Maria waved again, signaling that she would speak to them when she got up there, She was worried though. Where were they were supposed to be delivered if Une was surprised to see her? She trudged up the stairs, hoping that she wasn't walking into a trap. Relena met her at the top of the stairs and demanded "Where's Duo? What are you doing here?"

"We got separated. He didn't like the looks of the men that Une sent to escort us to where ever and he told me to run. I don't know what happened to him."

Relena took her into the apartment. Maria was amazed that she actually managed to get here in one piece. It had been scary, but she had made it. She sank into the sofa and automatically started to drink the glass that Une handed to her. She looked up at Une, amazed to see for the first time the woman that she thought had been sleeping with her father. Duo was prettier, there was no denying that, but Une had something about her that couldn't be denied. She wondered what idiot her father had been to ignore this beautiful woman. Then she saw Relena slip her arms around Une and look up at her and she realized that Treize might not have had a chance, not with the love she saw between the two of them.

"Duo took me to a hotel last night. He left you a message about that. You called him this morning and arranged for a pick up for us this morning. He didn't like the look of the Preventers and he told me to run. I did and it took me couple of hours to get here because I'm a child and no one takes me seriously. I had to run a few times."

"Then if Duo didn't meet you here, he should be at headquarters." Une said.

"Get dressed Relena. You, Maria and I get to retrive him. I wonder why I haven't gotten a phone call. Duo knows enough to mention my name to straighten things out."

"Because Duo might not be able to," Maria informed her. "He could be hurt. He fought them to give me time to run. They may be ignoring him. Or," she really didn't want to tell them this. "he might have lost it again and be in the infirmary, sedated. He said he had a flashback in the shower, I don't know what happened, but he was in the shower so long that I had to bring him out of it. I don't know how often that happened, but he said that it just started."

Relena sighed and Une shook her head. "Duo's probably all right, he might just be giving you time to get away. But he does have a problem and is most likely has 'lost' it. He doesn't seem to be able to function well around strangers."

"And Preventers are a bunch of strangers in uniforms. He must be catatonic by now because the Preventer uniform, vaguely looks like something that White Fang was wearing." Relena said tightly, eyes dark with worry. It was supposed to be a simple pick up. What went wrong? She didn't think that it was Duo's fault, he could smell trouble. If he thought that there was a problem with who they had assigned to pick them up, there probably was something wrong. And she hoped that they could collect him before something bad happened to him again.

 

* * *

 

Duo was rocking back and forth in his cell. He was still cuffed and they had taken his belt, shoes and anything else that they thought might be dangerous. As soon as he had started through the station he was slipping further into himself. It was too loud, too many people and the uniforms..

He had been pushed through the crowd and cursed at, by a lot of them. Jackson and Gramm looked like they had been in a fight and Duo was the suspect with them. He had been jostled a couple of times from edgy Preventers, angry at what had just happened with the coupe and thankful that they had something to focus that anger on. Duo had landed on his knees more then once. Jackson was not happy with him either, Duo's ribs told him that.

Gramm just shook his head and threw him into the holding cell. The kid would eventually tell them what they needed to know. They'd find the girl then and get her safely to Lady Une. He couldn't believe that the kid had tried to kidnap Lady Une's niece to blackmail her.

So now here he was and the it was just one gigantic flashback. Duo wasn't sure that he should care, they were going to flush him out the airlock ater they were done with him. The voices were overwhelming him and any moment he expected the door to open and Zechs walk in again and rape him. Or that squad of pilots, they couldn't have all died. So he just rocked and waited, if he was lucky Zechs was dead or he was dead. He could have died, they did hurt him badly. For Duo the longer that he stayed in that cell, the closer he slipped back to his torture session on the Libra in his mind.

Jackson walked in the cell, he couldn't believe that this little thing was a pilot. The finger prints finally came back, and that's what he was supposed to be. This long haired freak that was rocking back and forth, crying in his cell. How pathetic. He wasn't who the prints said he was, no pilot would act like that. It was a computer mix up with the new system. He'd beat the information out of the kid himself, it wasn't like he was anyone that someone would care about.

Duo sensed the movement and skittered further into the corner, making little whimpering noises. He was trying to hide, Zechs was back and he was going to burn him some more, hurt him and he wanted T-chan. He missed him and it was almost over and then they'd be together. In the cabin, by the lake. He was so lost in repeating this to himself, chanting his lover's name like a mantra to himself that he couldn't hear what Jackson was saying to him. But he thought that Jackson was Zechs, hiding his hair somehow to fool him and he was going to hurt him for not playing whatever sick thing he had planned.

Jackson stared down at his prisoner in disgust and a little worry. He had managed to hall the little brat out of the corner that he tried to hide in and manhandled him to the center of the room, but that's as far as he got. The brat wasn't responding to anything: talking, shouting and finally hitting him. He had a beautiful bruise along one cheek that he was going to have a hard time explaining to his superiors, but nothing was working. He was staring down at Duo in frustration when he heard the door open.

"Gramm," he said, "I told you not to bother me until I tell you. The wimp'll break and then we can save the kid, I don't have time for the kid gloves."

"Its not Gramm," informed a cool, female voice behind him. Jackson froze, trying to figure out who that was. It came to him the same time that his stomach hit his shoes and he realized that he just confessed to prisoner abuse to the head of the Preventers, Lady Une.

"And," she continued in the same cool tone, "do step back from Duo or I will be forced to hurt you."

"He's an accessory to kidnapping. That's what we were told," Jackson blurted out. _Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! She knows him. But if she knows him, why were we supposed to pick him up for kidnapping? Not that we found the kid. But he told someone to run, that probably was his accomplice. I hope, but I am just so screwed._

"I don't care. Do you lack the common sense to tell someone that your prisoner is having a psychotic episode? Or do you think that this is a good or normal thing?" sarcasm dripped off Une's tone and she was having a hard time restraining herself. Relena was upstairs with Maria, but Une was afraid to let the two of them see Duo like this. This was worse then Cologne and his nightmares.

"But.but.but." Jackson stammered too stunned to move, just staring into her furious eyes. _I'm going to die. I can believe all the stories that I heard about her during the war I didn't before. If this was an airplane I would be going out the back of it._

Une lost her temper and shoved Jackson away from Duo. She was tired, frustrated and Sally had ordered her to take twelve hours off and the stupidity of these people dragged her back early. The mess that she was going to have to clean up was impressive enough already without having to piece Duo back together. She knelt down beside Duo and touched his face, disturbed to read his lips, seeing that he was calling for Treize-sama.

"Duo.its 'Neesan. Une. It's safe here. No one's going to harm you." she made her voice low and soothing, hoping that it would reach Duo. He continued to rock, ignoring her, trapped in whatever flashback he was reliving. Was it the Libra torture? An assassination attempt or one of the many battles that he had been in?

"Jackson." Une hissed at him. "Get Sally Po, now! Just her. And under no circumstances is the Vice Minster to come near here!"

Duo must of felt Jackson leave, because he was in a flash skittering back into the corner. Une crawled over to him and was relieved when Duo let her touch him and hold him while he rocked, humming an old tune at him. When Gramm and Jackson returned they were astonished to see that there tough commander was doing that to their prisoner.

"Lady Une, Dr. Po isn't available right now." Jackson said loudly.

"Get out!" she hissed at them, covering Duo's eyes with her hand. He finally calmed down, he had stop rocking back and forth and was resting in her arms. She was just trying to figure our how she was going to get him out of the station without having him start to lose it again. If he saw another uniform, he might. "Duo," she asked quietly, "do you want to leave. Go to my home?"

"I can't.I wasn't too good." Duo muttered.

"Don't worry about that, something got lost when I gave my orders. You were supposed to be delivered to a house in the country. I wish that Sally was here, she could give you something." Une said worriedly, she could not deal with a hysterical Duo.

"She's probably off yelling at Wufei for being an idiot." Duo whispered back. "And I don't like drugs."

"Considering some of the things that you did without the influence drugs.I can understand that." Une said wryly. "Just trust me. I'm going to walk you out the back, we'll get in the car and take you to my place. Maria's with us, me and Relena. We'll talk about what's going to happen to her."

"She's not going to get hurt, She's a kid. She was used!" Duo said vehemently, He was tired and disoriented, but he'd fight to save Maria. "Don't make me chose between the two of you. I'll book and you'll never find us again. Do you want that?"

Jackson was startled to hear his prisoner talk back to Lady Une like that.

"I was going to talk to the World President first, but this hasn't given be the breathing space to do that. You're in no condition to run, not with a child."

Duo snorted, "Maria's not that young, she's had to grow up. I don't know what she wants but I told her that I'd take care of her if she wants me to. And she does have other options. But let's discuss this someplace else besides the floor of a holding cell. I must be killing your legs."

Une laughed sadly at Duo's attempt to comfort her, "Duo I don't think that you weigh more then you did when we meet in Cologne. But Relena and Maria are upstairs, we'll meet them out at the car and leave. Maria mentioned that you had a flashback in the shower. Has that been happening often?"

Duo shook his head. "Started a when I crawled into Shinigami. It was a lot of things.but I was not too grounded in reality by the time that we were heading out to L3. I saw things while I was looking for Relena, people that I killed. Friends that had died. It was a little like a cross between an acid trip and a search and rescue. I wasn't too sure what was reality. Not that I had too good a grasp on it before."

"Duo."

"Lets get out of here. Get Maria settled and then worry about me. I can wait," Duo said firmly, ignoring Une's worry.

"Damn it Duo.!" Une started, again. He was not brushing this off!

"What?" he asked tiredly. "It's okay. You're trying to take care of me, don't worry, he couldn't either. Never let him do as much as he wanted." _Neither one of us would let the other help him with his penance. I never really had the things that you take for granted. I never had anyone that cared, anyone that would help.I'm not used to it._

"Jackson give me the keys to the 'cuffs and get out of here, If anyone, I don't care who, has a problem with that, they can talk to me about it." Une said coldly.

"One question before you book screaming," Duo said, "Who gave you the orders, 'cause this has been a major snafu, unless you actually happen to be a Barton supporter?"

"I was under the impression that it was a general order, no one that I knew" Jackson replied stiffly, absurbedly disturbed that Duo was looking at him with his eyes closed, while Une was getting the handcuffs off of him. And that he wanted to run away from his superior officer.

"Hey no harm, really." Duo said mildly.

"Duo!" Une scolded him, finding him huddled in the middle of the floor was not no 'harm'.

"Hey.I fought back what he thought was an resisting arrest thing. I'm not happy that he wapped me one, because it hurts a lot and I managed to get through a battle without a scratch and then he hits me. But I think I scared him more then he hurt me so, we're even. And I'm mellow, now. Not like it didn't happen before and stop making' those faces at me 'Neesan, because I know you're doin' it, even though I have my eyes closed because I am so not wanting to repeat what just happened."

"Duo!"

" 'Neesan! Can we just get out of here, please" Duo added in a soft tone, rubbing his wrists. "It's a lot worse then you want to know, but I want out."

"We'll get out," Une said quietly, "Just take my hand and I'll lead you."

"Thank you." Duo said, giving her a small hug, "If this can be kept quiet, I 'd like that. Don't want to mar an almost spotless record."

"And those times that OZ captured you?" Une asked lightly.

"I was a POW then, not a criminal," Duo said firmly, "So's off my record."

Une chuckled, more because she knew that he wanted her to, rather then a mirth that she felt with the joke.

 

* * *

 

Maria and Relena were waiting upstairs wondering why there was a couple of Preventers that were running around looking like they had just seen their worst nightmare. Tension was high in the station, she noticed that, but what had scared them?

"Duo" Maria observed quietly. "If he was doing the same thing that he had done last night, it was scary."

"What was he doing?" Relena asked.

"He was rocking back and forth, talking to himself. I was so scared to see him like that." Maria said, holding her breath when she admitted that she was scared.

"I bet." Relena replied. "Duo.he was always so hyper and cheerful, up until I think the second Fall of the Sank Kingdom. Then, the next time I saw him for more then getting me off the Libra was about a year later. He was so sad."

"I can't believe that. He's missing something inside him. What did T-chan see in him?"

Relena smiled down at Maria, she had been talking to Duo if she was calling her father T-chan. "As I said, Duo was happy and cheerful. He warmed him some how. Relaxed him. Even when I was doing my best to get killed by Heero, he was nice to me, in an offhanded way. Not that I let any of them that close, my own mask might have cracked."

"He said that he would take care of me." Maria said suddenly. "Will he?"

"Duo said that he would take care of you, he will. That might get something back into him. he likes kids." Relena said. "But.it would have to be around here. He does have access to a small estate here in the Sank Kingdom. It hasn't been used in a while, it needs some repairs, but it's nice I was told."

Maria thought for a moment. "But he mentioned that he was a minor. That he might have trouble."

"Quite frankly, he will have trouble. This incident shows that. But, would you mind if Une and I also lived there? The palace gives me the willies, I'm having it converted into a museum." Relena said.

"You thought about this." Maria said quietly.

"Une and I discussed it last night. She would be very willing to have you live with us. Une still will be working, as will I, but I have a few servants that would be there. And Duo most likely will be thrilled to have us living there with you two. He'll have a whole lot of people to cook for.

Duo adores cooking for people. He did that a lot for your father and Une. No visit was complete without him making something for them to eat, if there were the facilities for it."

"Oh.' Maria said, wondering why all these strangers were willing to be nice to her, nicer then her family had been.

Relena was about to say more when a Preventer officer respectfully nodded to her and said softly, "Lady Une will meet you at the car with the prisoner. If you will fallow me, I can escort you out."

Relena sighed. "That bad."

"Ah.yes," the officer said. "I was one of the arresting officers, my name is Gramm and I apologize about this."

"I'm not the one that is hurt here." Relena reminded him quietly, "Duo is. "

"He accepted my apologizes for the.snafu. as he put it."

"He would," Relena muttered, relieved when she saw Duo sitting in the car. He was sitting in the backseat, head resting against the window, staring at nothing.

"Lets get out of here,' Duo said tiredly as Relena and Maria got into the car.

"Duo." Maria said quietly, "Relena and I discussed it, you and I can live here with them, in the Sank Kingdom, on an estate that is here."

"Okay," Duo said numbly. He was tired, wanted a shower and to sleep, without dreams. He'd go along with anything that had been decided. Heero had been right, he should get out of the woods. He'd move in here. Get some help and maybe he's start to heal.

"And Duo," Relena added softly, "Quatre got in touch with us earlier. He will take Shinigami back to L4, with the rest of the Gundams, if you want. They're being stored there in case they are needed."

Duo nodded. "He's probably lonely.be good to be with the others for him."

Maria reached over and put her hand on top of his and gently squeezed it.

"It will be good that we're with people, you'll see."


	12. Part 11

Duo sighed and shifted, nervous. He had let Une talk him into getting a physical with Sally Po. Sally was better then a total stranger which had been his other choice. He knew her and she would understand it if he started to freak on her. So he was here in her office, in a skimpy paper outfit, waiting for her to come in and see how messed up he was, freezing his ass off. Why was it the waiting room was warm and the exam rooms freezing?

This was one of the conditions that Une had for him moving in with them. Physical, some counseling, and in a year or two he could get his head together and not wake up screaming or hide in the house like an idiot. Try and make new friends. Get out some more, relearn to relax. Think about school.

If he went outside that estate in the Sank Kingdom that they all had just moved into, he was still nervous around people, so he understood why Une was insisting on this. The Sank Kingdom was just too crowded, too busy for him. There were too many people and he had gotten the willies just from the crew had opened the house, when Une dragged him with her to see the work that had been done. It hadn't helped that they thought that he and Une were both girls. Une finding him a corner shaking didn't help things, after one of the guys came up behind him and just pulled his braid, trying to flirt with him. After his freak out with Maria and the Preventer idiots, Une informed him that he needed to see someone, that Treize-sama would have wanted that. Duo agreed, he knew that he needed help, just talking to a total stranger and looking at ink blots wasn't his idea of help. He didn't know what was, but Sally might have some ideas.

Maria wasn't a confidence builder for him either. She was wavering between being afraid of him and pitying him. Pity seemed to be winning, Duo was surprised, he didn't think that she had it in her. Duo suspected that Dekim Barton was a graduate of the Dr J school of childrearing, which the first lesson seemed to be, turn the child into a cold adult as fast as possible. When they had cleaned out her stuff on L3 for her move in with Une, she had almost nothing. Books, clothes, stuff like that. But no pictures, no stuffed animals, nothing personal. And the look in her eyes at times...she was wary. Wondering what was going to happen next, would this last? Duo hoped that she could get to be sane at least, he didn't think that he could. But the pity was a good start, as much as he hated it. It showed that she still cared, that she wasn't the bastard that Dekim wanted her to be.

His musings were interrupted by Sally breezing into the room with a cheery, "Good Morning."

Duo smiled in reply and tried to hide further in the paper johnny that he was wearing. "Could I just get dressed and book? You can tell Une I didn't show."

"She knows you're here, remember she did come with you. She's in the waiting room, filling out all the paperwork that I need, because this is a military operation. Even if you're a Gundam pilot, you still have the bennies, like the OZ troops and the Federal soldiers. It wasn't like there was a lot of you." Sally smiled, and reached over to pat Duo on the head. She frowned when he flinched and then relaxed. "Hey roomie, what gives? Une just said regular check up, but you seem to need something else."

"I'm a little messed up," Duo admitted. "You might say that I'm borderline depressive." _If not worse. Psycho was a prime requirement for being a Gundam pilot. I just went over the edge faster then I thought I would when peace came, the training we got it was bound to happen, since none of us was supposed to survive the war._

"Mmm...why don't I leave that to the headshrinkers, I'll just give you a physical now." Sally said, calmly. Duo not being disturbed by all he had gone though would have worried her more. And she had heard about what had happened after Maria's coupe attempt. She was still angry with herself that she hadn't been there for him. "Hop up on the scale."

Duo got up, trying to keep the johnny closed, so the she wouldn't see his back. She swatted at his hand, so that it was by his side and then concentrated on fooling with those stupid weight things on the scale. Sally was swearing softly under her breath when she realized how light he was. At least it kept her occupied.

"What haven't you been eating Duo?" she growled at him. "You've grown, barely. A couple of inches. But you're lighter then when you were first a pilot, from what I can tell and you were too light then." She grabbed at the top and flicked it open to poke at his ribs and scold him some more, then just stopped. "Oh... Duo...what...?" she said brokenly, looking at Zechs' handy work.

Duo turned around and smiled crookedly. "Libra, Zechs, rescuing Relena. You're one of the few people that's seen them, besides Une, Heero and Quatre."

"Oh Duo." Sally choked a little before giving him a hug. Duo returned it gently. "S'okay. You get to be the mean doctor and poke at me now. I probably should have seen you then, but I couldn't."

"That bastard. Why?" Sally asked, trying to pull her composure back together.

Duo had been a good sport about all the mess on the PeaceMillion the hostility from the pilots and the crew. All he wanted to do was get Relena out of the Libra before things blew up. He had fallen in love with the enemy, by that time...who was the enemy was something that changed almost hourly, no matter what insane chant Heero was making about the enemy being 'the one that stands in front of me and tries to kill me. Everyone who fights is my enemy'. Duo didn't deserve what happening to him, no one did.

"He was insane?" Duo said, stripping out of the top with a shiver, letting Sally see the whole mess. There wasn't much point to not letting her see it. And the paper thing wasn't keeping him warm at all, so why wear it and look stupid? It wasn't like she hadn't seen it before, doctors got to see naked people all the time. And he hadn't had privacy until he moved into the cabin.

Sally delicately started to examine him, stopping on occasion to make notes. She managed to hold her professional mask for most the exam, but shivered when she saw the burn mark on his scrotum. "Duo, I might want to do some tests later to see if you're still fertile. He might have burned a few important areas." she said.

"I wasn't planning on children. I wasn't planning on having sex again...you might want to check for STDs, I had a lot of...company...in that storeroom." Duo said, curling up to hug his knees on the exam table, staring blankly at the wall.

"Duo..." Sally sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm going to have to check a few more things, if you feel nervous, because you know it's going to be uncomfortable, tell me. And your ribs are mostly straight. I'm not going to fix them by rebreaking them, you don't need that pain, the burns and other scarring, lasers have been used to reduce the surface damage. I recommend that after you stop growing, which should be in a couple of more years, then you should look into a treatment. There's just so much of it. What did he do?"

"Peeled my skin away with my own knife," Duo said. "Then kept grinding lit cigarettes into my back and other places." _Raped me couple of times and let loose a squadron of pilots to play with me. I barely walked out of there and the only reason that I lasted through the battle was that I was sitting, which wasn't too comfortable either, but then everything hurt so much, I was past the pain. Go endorphins!_

"Are you so light because you're not eating?" Sally asked. "Or are you having a problem processing what you eat?"

"Could be not eating. I don't eat a lot because things taste flat. Everything seems to be working alright." Duo said. "Nothing hurts that isn't supposed if that's what you're checking for."

"Okay, just lean over and, let me do the doctor thing," Sally said, putting on a glove and gently probing Duo's body. "Some scar tissue, I'm not going to get more personal because if you got any more tense you'd be Wufei."

"Onna!!" Duo joked, trying not to scream, "Just keep in talking so I know its you, please." he added in a small voice. _I'm still getting flashbacks. I've started to take long showers, scrubbing myself clean because I can still smell Zechs on me after I wake up from the nightmare or the flashback. I thought that they would stop as soon as I settled into my life again. But they haven't, their getting worse._

"What should I say?"

"Anything...recite poetry, tell jokes, mention embarrassing incidents in your childhood." Duo begged.

"Okay, how about if I tell you the bad news. I don't think that you're going to get much taller, unless a miracle occurs."

"I figured that one out a long time ago," Duo replied. "Childhood malnutrition. I'm damn grateful I don't have rickets. If I get to be the same height as you I'll be lucky."

Sally stepped back and Duo sighed, sitting down on the exam table. "What's left?"

"Just some blood tests. I'll do the draws here and you can go back to Une, tell her you were a good boy and deserve a treat."

"You make me sound like I'm ten. I'm short, not young." Duo pouted and stuck out his tongue at her.

"Do you want the name of a psych person? I can do a referral." Sally said, gathering the equipment that she needed for the blood work, secretly amused by Duo sticking out his tongue at her. Duo sat still, letting her take what he thought was an excessive amount of blood. Ten tubes of it, what was she testing for?

"Yeah, someone that would be good with kids, I want Maria to get her head screwed on straight before she gets too much older. Dekim Barton was a class A bastard, she's been hurt by him. And I'm not helping things." Duo replied. "And one for me. We shouldn't go to the same one, but if they're in the same practice it would be good."

"What about you?" Sally asked.

"I can wait. I've been screwed up for a while." Duo said, focusing on something in the distance. "I can function, be sorta normal. Just don't like people. That wasn't all Zechs.... I spent months in Shinigami, doing hit and run raids, towards the end. I didn't speak to anyone for days. I'd talk to Shinigami and T-chan, but no one that was flesh and blood. Then I'd stop at one of the Winner holdings. One, usually more then that, of his sisters would be staying there and they'd just look at me and not say anything to me, really, besides messages to pass on to Quatre if I saw him again. They weren't hostile, just distant, but I always felt like they thought it was my fault that Quatre wasn't there. But I couldn't blame them for being that way, they wanted their kid brother with them, not one of his weirdo terrorist buddies. But they'd feed me, let me sleep there for a night or two while I repaired things and refueled. At night, when I couldn't sleep, I'd walk about. Someone always was following, but they wouldn't talk to me. I was so... isolated, I guess."

"Duo?" Sally asked, worried about him. This sad waif didn't resemble the pilot that just saved Relena Peacecraft and the Earth. Not the cocky kid that told the World President to shove it.

"Yeah?"

"You okay? Now. With Une and Maria."

"As I said, I can function. You should come over one night. I make a mean stir fry. And my brownies aren't bad either. I'm playin' the happy housewife, it keeps me together. Just don't expect me to go to a crowded store or anyplace like that. I freak."

"Maria?"

"I feel sorry for her. The Bartons acted like she was a tool, nothing more. Did ya know that Dekim had a hand in training Heero? But reality bit her on the butt and it wasn't nice. I don't know much what she was told, but Maria doesn't know what to do with me. Nothing was covered about what sort of relationship do you have with your father's crazy, teenaged lover. But she's trying, just doesn't know how to be a kid. Une enrolled her in the local private school, she's making friends. Just, when I show up to pick her up when Une can't make it, it gets weird. So wasn't enrolling her there. They weren't too happy about having Une and me listed as her next of kin. Relena's chauffeur drives me over if I have to go there, because I'm afraid that I'm gonna have a flashback while driving and take someone else out. But Maria's adjusting, I guess. There's still things that she has to work out though, she's given up trying to make sense of the fact that she now has this huge family, when before it was just her and Dekim."

"What do you mean huge family?" Sally asked.

"Well, Trowa is Trowa Barton, I don't care if he wasn't the original one. He's an improvement over that one, from what I've been told. So he's sort of her uncle. Catherine's his sister, her aunt. Then there's Quatre. Since him and Trowa have finally settled down, like should be married settled down, she's now got another uncle and twenty nine aunts, plus all the Maguanacs. And her and Wufei get along. He sorta was looking out for her when he ran off and joined the rebellion. Him and Heero moved in with Quatre and Trowa, I'm not going to figure out the dynamics in that relationship." Duo finished off in an odd tone. He was... jealous? Envious? Happy? That they all had managed to work things out. Now if he could get it together, it would be a miracle. He still wasn't sleeping though the night still. And seeing a knife in someone else's hands freaked him. Forget about his reaction to anyone smoking around him, most of the people that came over thought that they were health freaks because of that, not because they'd have to drag him out of a closet screaming if he smelled it. Bu t he'd get over it, eventually.

"Hey, I'm going to chat with Une, not because I don't trust you, it's just that she's in charge of you, your guardian until you're an adult." Sally said. _Not that you aren't one now, but legally, they think that you should be a certain age for things...no matter how much you grew up before that._

"Just with a few things, but she's got Maria in the house with us and she wants to know if you think that I'm going to wig out on her one night." Duo smiled at Sally. _Not that she's worried about violence, if anything, she doesn't want to have to pull me out of a corner and talk me out of what ever episode I'm tripping on, so that I can function. She's already had to do that once, and that was enough for her._

"I won't be able to tell her that, my speciality isn't psych. But you seem to be okay, just want to test for a few things."

"Just tell her that I'll be getting a cup of coffee." Duo told her, when he was dressed. Sally frowned at what he was wearing, it was warm out, but his outfit was long sleeved, dark and heavy looking and far too big. He looked like he was fourteen. He was still wearing the same type of clothing as then, unless you looked real closely, he might still be that bright eyes kid.

"Okay, Duo...you take care of yourself," Sally said, giving him a hug.

He flinched a little but hugged her back. "Sorry, still a little wiggy...roomie"

Sally sighed and dropped off the blood tests at the desk and beckoned Une to come into her office. Une followed her, frowning slightly.

"How is he?" she asked as soon as the door closed.

"Too thin." Sally started. "And the scars...it's a miracle that is wasn't worse, that he didn't have a major infection on top of all that. He's got some scaring else where, he mentioned that he wasn't alone in that storeroom."

"Gang rape?" Une asked tiredly, figuring out what Sally wasn't actually mentioning. "He mentioned it, in Cologne, he told me about some of it, that people scare him. He can function, if he's concentrating on something else." _Like saving the world or a fight. But it's the little things that set him off. Not that you can tell, but I know that it's happening. Cigarette smoke is the worst, he just freezes at the slightest wiff of it._

"Probably. And I don't think that Zechs didn't hurt him that way too. But the tearing mended itself, he says he hasn't had any problems, but he's not eating enough." Sally sighed.

"I found him, once when we were opening the house in the Sank Kingdom, huddled in corner, shaking because a couple of the workmen doing renovations had come up behind him and tugged on his braid. They thought he was my kid sister and were teasing him. After he panicked on them from that, they ran and got me." Une said. "After that he wouldn't come with me to check anything out. He said that he trusted me. All he needed was a room, a place for the books. A decent kitchen would be a plus. He ran back to that little hick town that he was hiding in so fast, my head spun. He said it was to close the cabin that he was living in down and say good bye to people, but I knew that he was frightened. So after I a gave him a day or so to calm down, I told him that he had to have check up with you and get some help...I was surprised that he agreed. After that morning in the Preventer's lock up, I thought that he would never come back here. But he promised Maria that he would take care of her, so he came back."

"He knows he needs help, which is a big plus. He was more worried about Maria though." Sally said, sipping at a bottle of water. "But he's in worse condition, the damage was done to him over a longer time. His training, the way he grew up. Compared to that, Maria has had a normal childhood."

"She's a mixture of adult and child and it is frightening to see what Dekim had done to her. She doesn't hate Duo, but she can't understand what her father liked about him." Une said. _It doesn't help that he burst in on her coup and told her that this was the last thing that Treize-sama wanted. That was a sight, Relena told me, Duo and Maria debating her actions, and what Treize would have wanted for her. Then him threatening to kill her. And she knew that he would have. But she isn't frightened of him, just confused. I tell her about when he was cheerful, happy and she just shakes her head and looks at me. But there are flashes of he was like in the beginning sometimes. Then he has a flashback or a bad nightmare and he's just so out of it for a day or two afterwards._

"He mentioned that." Sally observed.

"I think that he could be very good for her. He does try to spoil her. He found out what food she likes, tries to help her with being a kid. He wants to be her friend, not because of anything else besides that she needs one. She might warm up to soon, but I doubt it. She reminds me of a smaller version of Heero Yuy at times." Une finished.

"She doesn't have any other problems besides the one with Duo?" Sally asked.

"Surprisingly not. She has accepted my relationship with Relena, that we are a couple. Relena had thought to wait until she was older to move in with me, but after Maria's attempted coupe and my getting custody, she decided it was time." Une sighed. "Noin was being difficult, but Relena put stop to it."

"Lucrezia Noin is a giant pain in the butt." Sally grumbled. "That bitch is so bigoted, she should have stayed with the Romafellers."

"Tell me about it. She acts like she never got her hands dirty during the war. I know that we didn't get along, that the battle between Zechs and Heero was mostly my fault and the boy shouldn't have self destructed. That I was jealous of the attention that Treize paid to them...but Relena and I are two sensible adults. And no one else seems to find our relationship odd. It helps that I was behind the scene most of the time...and I think that most of them think that I and Duo are having something going on between us. Not that he says anything to anyone, he hides mostly, even when we have people over, not that it isn't more then people from the office, for either Relena or myself. Both of us never had a lot of friends before this. Nothing formal, he can't handle that yet. Everyone ends up in the kitchen with him most of the time,for some unknown reason."

"Une...Une...Une, didn't you know? That's where most people end up at parties, outside those ghastly functions that Oz had." Sally said.

"Well come over one night and show me...bring your girlfriend." Une said.

"Duo already made the offer, just have to coordinate it. He says that he's good cook, is he?"

"Damn good, I have to work out to keep the calories off. But he doesn't eat, you know that. I hope that changes soon, I would like him to meet people his own age or at least keep in touch with the other pilots, but...."

"It'll take time. He's lucky that he isn't in a hospital someplace, sedated to the gills with all that he has been through. I'll give you a name of someone that he might want to deal with. And a prescription for some sleeping pills, if he wants them, because I know that he hasn't been sleeping with the shadows under his eyes. And his eyes...they are so...dead is the only word that I can describe them as."

"Fuck." Une cursed, "If I ever had gotten my hands on G or the rest of them, it wouldn't have been pretty. How could they have taken children and done that to them...even if some of them haven't been children for ages."

"Because men have egos and think that because they have a penis, they are God." Sally observed bitterly. She had never thought that Une even knew that word, never mind would use it.

 

* * *

 

Duo found his way to the cafeteria, marveling how young they all looked. How new. God, was he that tired that even the Preventers looked like they belonged in school? Hopefully they would never half to see the shit that he did. He tried to ignore the strange looks that he got and not run back to Sally's office. He was going to get a cup of coffee, drink it and act like he was normal. No one was going to drag him off someplace and he hadn't had a flashback in a while, not that they were bad, a lot of the time, just he looked like he was out of it. The ones that featured Zechs in them were the worse, but the others he knew weren't real, that it was just memories. With Zechs...he couldn't. He just had to keep reminding himself that he was in the Preventer's Academy and not on the Libra.

Duo got his coffee and a piece of pie, he might even be able to eat half of it. The cashier was more interested in the article that she was reading in the paper then giving him a hard time. He had no illusions, he looked closer to fourteen then the seventeen he was supposed to be. And kids weren't what you usually find wandering around here, not like in the old days when the cadets hit pubety and their first experince with a mobile suit at the same time. He found a table in one of the corners and settled down to watch what was going on.

He was watching the people wander in and out, trying not to hunch over his food and hide. A couple of the cadets gave him strange looks, but thankfully on the whole ignored him. He was nursing his second cup of coffee and poking at the pie still when he heard a familiar voice.

"What are you doing here?"

Duo looked up to see Noin staring down at him. She looked royal pissed and he was uneasy to see the crowd that she had with her. Alright three guys who were cadets weren't a crowd, but they did make him nervous.

"Waiting for Une, she's talking to Sally about stuff," Duo said, trying not to sound as nervous as he felt. "You know we seemed to always be meeting like this. In cafeterias. Do you think its some sort of cosmic joke? And I didn't get a chance to tell you before, thanks for the backup. You saved my ass out there. I just booked because of the crowd and a few other things."

"I heard that you moved in together." Noin said coldly. The cadets looked confused and Duo fought the overwhelming urge to laugh. Noin, of course didn't mention Relena, that would burst her little bubble. He wqs trying to be nice, polite but Noin did deserve to get a few buttons pushed with the attitude she was giving him. And he could do that at least to her.

"Relena, Une and me. Along with Maria." Duo said, getting his dig in. He'd stop there, it wasn't worth the effort, he had said what he wanted to.

Noin's face tightened, angry that he had mentioned that detail. Duo just hoped that the cadets with her weren't as twisted at Mueller and Alex had been rumored to be, or they'd drag him out behind the building to kick the crap out of him on her word. He had seen that report, Une had showed him it one night, he still couldn't figure out why.

"I know." Noin grated out.

"She's wanted to for a long time, came out to where I was last summer to talk about it. I told her if you were the only protest...she should wait. And they did, but the stupid coupe thing sorta told them what was more important." Duo informed Noin, trying to get her to understand, he shouldn't be mad at her because she didn't want to face facts. "And since when was Heero Yuy a better choice? He's crazier then I am, which is saying a lot." He could tell by the bewildered looks that the cadets lost whatever grasp they had on the conversation a while ago. "You want to sit and talk for a while? I don't know how long Une's gonna be gone."

"No thank you." Noin replied coldly. Duo had the mental image of little clouds of frost coming out with each word.

"Suit yourself. I'm easy." Duo replied with the ghost of a grin.

"I knew that already." Noin observed snidely, "Your past history shows that."

"You lived your life and I lived mine, so don't ever fucking judge what I did or said. I didn't always have the luxury of a moral fucking high ground, like you did. A lot of us didn't, so don't act all pissy." Duo replied feeling his temper rise. Noin had managed to push his buttons instead of the other way around. Score one for Noin.

"Tell me that after you stood in the rubble of what used to be a barracks and have one of your students last words be to you that he always wanted to see space." Noin said coldly, staring down at him.

Duo stood up and walked up to her, staring up into her hard eyes. Someday he was going to get that growth spurt that he dreamed about. "When you stand in the rubble of what used to be your home, have the only person that you remember as your mother, even through she was a nun, die in your arms because the Fedies decided that bombing a church was a good thing, you can then understand where I'm coming from and what choices I made. Get your head out of whatever fucking fairytale you thought you were going to get when you married him and smell reality. Relena did and I did. We didn't always to the right thing, but we did what we had to. And Noin, don't forget I was the one person that stopped Psycho boy from snuffing out Relena down at that dock."

"You shouldn't talk to Captain Noin that way!" one of the cadets protested, moving in closer to protect her from him. It was absurd, she had a couple inches and a few kilos on him, what the did they think he was going to do to her?

Duo shook his head, not breaking eye contact. "Noin needs protection as much as Une does, she's a kick ass fighter in a Taurus and good in a fight. She just refuses to accept certain facts about life she doesn't like."

"And you know that how?" another cadet asked snidely.

"As I was thanking her for before, she was kind enough to be my backup during the trouble that just happened with Dekim Barton." Duo informed the group, not talking his eyes off of Noin. He was afraid to.

"And that makes you who?" the third one asked, torn between curiosity and hostility.

"That makes him the pilot of Deathscythe Hell, Gundam pilot 02." Une's voice came coolly from behind the group. "Duo Maxwell."

"Lady Une!" the cadets acknowledged her in a ragged chorus. Noin ignored her.

"Captain Noin." Une nodded to her.

Noin dragged her eyes away from Duo and nodded tightly at Une. "Lady Une," she said in the same frigidly polite tone.

"Noin and I were just passing the time, Une." Duo said simply, "I hadn't thanked her for her help during the time with Dekim Barton. The hospitality she showed myself and Heero when we were flying out to the L3 colony cluster, with her and Sally Po."

Since Sally had filled her in on how cheery that trip had been, Une just smiled slightly. "You were always a polite young man Duo," Une commented, enjoying Noin flush at the dig. Noin hadn't been polite to either pilot.

"Nuns do that to you." Duo shrugged. "And you were always good to me, even at our first meeting." He smiled at Une, remembering how they almost shot each other. It was funny now. It had been funny then too, but he always did have an odd sense of humor. In the panicked milliseconds that he had before they decided not to shoot each other, Duo had wondered how much of a mess that this shoot out was going to be to clean up and how traumatized would Treize have been about cleaning up the mess.

Noin snorted. The cadets just looked more confused as they tried to figure out how they all knew each other. They knew that the war had let some strange things happen, but trying to figure out how two ex-OZ officers knew a Gundam pilot was odd. Noin could be explained, but Une? She was someone that never was in the field. Or had switched sides like Noin. Bets were being taken on who could guess how her and Relena came to be involved. Adding a Gundam pilot to the mixture was just too odd. Maybe the three of them? After this meeting the gossip mill would be running rampant on this one.

"You all set Une?" Duo asked, "Or do you need to do some more? You shouldn't have come in here on your day off. I would have been fine."

"Uh-uh," Une scoffed. "Sally ratted on you, that you wanted to book, so don't hand me that line."

"And you always like talkin' to the doctor?" Duo asked, throwing his coffee and pie in the garbage. They might as well get going, he really didn't want to stay here.

"I needed to get paperwork anyway, so that isn't a problem. And Sally gave and I arranged for a time that she and her partner can come to dinner. Thursday all right with you?"

Duo laughed. "I'll fit it into my busy schedule. She have any preferences to what she wanted for dinner or should I leave it to my twisted imagination?"

"You offered stir fry, that's what she wants." Une told him walking out of the cafeteria. They continued to chat lightly as Une walked him to the car, determined to get him out of there before he cracked. Sally had recommended a nice doctor, no nonsense, part of a small partnership that would be good for Duo. They had made the arrangements, just had to tell Duo. Which she would in the privacy of the car.

 

* * *

 

Duo shifted again, uneasy. He was in the waiting room of the psych person that Sally recommended. Their dinner had gone well, he enjoyed himself and they had entertained Maria with stories about the screwups that they had all gone through in the war. Sally told Maria about how she met Wufei, which while it wasn't funny, was informative to Duo. He had been starting to get to know the other guys, he had spent some time with them before Heero decided that blowing himself up was a good thing. It had been nice then. Sally's girlfriend, Maura was a civie that she had met after the war and was a little disturbed that they could joke about those days. She really hadn't liked Duo's quiet comment at the end, of how those had been the good ole days. But then, she wasn't the one seeing the shrink either. He sighed when the receptionist showed him into the office and wondered if he should lie on the couch in there or what. The doctor breezed in a few minutes later, an older perky looking woman that smiled brightly at him. All Duo could think of was some of the cheerleaders that he had meet in school.

"Good Afternoon, Mr. Maxwell, I'm Doctor Mina Harker. How are you doing? I'm glad that you came. Call me Mina, Dr. Harker is so formal. And I'm taping our session, its standard procedure."

Duo stared, wondering how she managed to breathe during that. She beat his record for talking without breathing when he used to do that.

"It's not the age, it's the mileage someone told me once." Duo said absently, checking out the room. "But you know I'm here for that, you have the records."

"Not that much. They are very sketchy...I hardly have anything at all here." She chirped at him, sounding like she was trying to scold him, but didn't have the heart too.

"I don't know you either, but you got what I could give you." Duo replied with a shrug. It was so unfair that she got to dissect him and all he got was a name.

"No parents listed. No date of birth, no family. No medical records except for an exam a few weeks ago, that couldn't have been your first one?"

Duo sighed and sat on the couch, it was going to be a long hour. "I don't remember my parents, all I know is that I was born on L2, satellite V01279, I think. That's where I..., never mind. I left to go to another one when I was about six, V01277, with a buddy, stowing away on a transport, we arrived just in time for it to be quarantined, because of the plague. I survived the L2 plagues on there. The church orphanage that took me in for a while didn't have a doctor, besides all the records there are gone, the war took care of that." Duo tone was flat, he didn't want to remember that now. "The next time I saw a doctor was when I was thirteen. He's dead and those records probably went someplace, but I can't even guess where because none of what he did was legal. So the only thing that you can get is the exam that Sally gave me."

Duo was just glad that most of the tests had come back negative. He had been worried about that. God knows what he picked up over the years. He planned to be tested every six months until he was a very old man. He had to given his history, STDs might be the least of his worries.

"That's unfortunate." Mina said, still cheery and cheerleaderish.

"That's life and what exactly am I supposed to do here?" Duo asked. "I'm not too up on what's expected of me. And I hate telling people anything."

"Mmhh," Mina said, "Why's that?"

Duo thought for a minute. "Because, information is power. And telling someone your weakness was deadly, either on the streets or during the war."

"Tell me what it was like to be a Gundam Pilot?" Mina asked curiously, ignoring his statement. They could get back to that.

Duo took a deep breath, wondering if he should be scared that he was talking to a blurred version of himself, the mask that he had woren around the others. And why was she starting there? What was she after or was he being paranoid?

"Lonely." he said shortly. As she continued to stare, he felt compelled to add things to that statement. "You couldn't get close to anyone, we moved too often. And I...I felt that I couldn't get close to the others, when I was with them."

"Why?"

Duo shifted and got up, wandering around the room. "It's okay that I do this? I get fidgety at times and this helps."

"No problem. I'm here to help you!"

Duo closed his eyes. He was in for it. If her voice was a shade or two lower, that would be him in the beginning. Lying to himself a little about how he felt about what he was doing. But he had been that cheery. He had enough to eat. He was getting an education. He was living someplace that he didn't have to trade his body for money. So he ran around and blew shit up. It was still better then peddling himself on L2. A bullet in the body always beat a John fucking with him. Both involved pain, but the bullet always had been better to him, a better memory. "They were all, sorta involved with each other. I felt...not left out, but a little odd. And...I...didn't want to get close to them. For a number of reasons, some very stupid. Some smart." _I was so lonely and scared. Wondering if this was the right thing, was I right? Would I be able to handle it? Was G right and I wasn't good for more then spreading my legs?_

"And what were those reasons Mr. Maxwell?" Mina asked. "Not there involvement with each other, because they were all boys?"

"Duo, call me Duo." he told her. "Mr. Maxwell always makes me think that I'm in school again. I didn't care about the fact that they all are guys, that wasn't what bothered me, it as other stuff. That I might have to kill them. That getting friendly might be counterproductive." Duo was silent for a long while, staring off into nothing. Mina thought that he was having a flashback until he looked at her again. They had been mentioned in his file, but not what set them off. She would have to ask him about that. "That everyone I every got close to died on me. I didn't want to go through that again, even though it had been two, three years since I even wanted to be friends or friendly with anyone."

"Why was that?" Mina asked. Duo noted that her voice wasn't cheery for once. She was looking a little shocked.

"I had been training before that. I didn't really like my trainers, but they weren't there to be liked. They were there to teach me to be a terrorist. A Gundam pilot. They were there to push me until I was exhausted and then demand more out of me. The make sure that even if I was dead on my feet, I could still complete the mission. To brainwash me into believing in their cause."

"You didn't believe in the freedom of the colonies?"

"I did, but that wasn't what they were actually training me for. The original mission spect was to drop a colony on the Earth and then the Gundams I think. It wasn't really explained to me, my controller didn't explain much." _G didn't want the little slut he found to know much, in case I rolled over too easily. But...after a year, didn't he believe that I could do it? He saw me at my lowest. Puking my guts out over an interrogation, because it got messy, but I waited until afterwards to breakdown, after I killed the guy, after I got everything out of it I could. Strung out from sleep depravation and intense zero G training. I gave them my all, knowing that if I screwed up, it was out the airlock with me. I still wonder, how did I survive that?_

"Duo you all right?" Mina asked, when he had been silent for a while.

"Yeah...just lost in the memories." Duo said quietly. "I'd forgotten most of them."

"And is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Mina asked.

"Could be a bad thing. It wasn't all bad on the PeaceMillion, even with all the crap that I had to do. I kept the crew amused at times, the one that was piloting the ship. I made them laugh and they were nice to me, but then they did have a hands off policy going on, thankfully."

"Hands off?" Mina asked in a confused tone.

"Yeah." Duo joked, "Do not mess with the pilot, even if he is the cutest thing onboard and we haven't hit a base in months. It was good, that was one less thing that I have to worry about."

"But you were only what, thirteen? Too young for anyone to be interested in you." Mina said incredulously.

Duo laughed bitterly. "Welcome to the real world Doctor Harker. It was about that. And I had been sexually active for about six years, turning tricks. I am small, because of the malnutrition I looked younger then I was for a long time. There was a big market on L2 for little boys, the Fed soldiers couldn't get enough at times. And money doesn't just appear, you wanted to eat on L2...you didn't have a family...you turned tricks. It kept me fed for a lot of years. Exce pt for the time that I was in the orphanage, I was turning tricks so I could eat and the rest of the gang could too. So that the younger kids would have a year or two before they would have to be spreading their legs, that all they had to do was steal."

Mina looked uncomfortable at this. "I...I don't know what to say."

"Where'd you grow up doctor?" Duo asked, wondering why she looked uncomfortable. Didn't shrinks here this all the time?

"England."

"Have parents, relatives? Went to a good school, studied hard. College, the rest of it, no worries. Biggest thing you worried about was a college loan I bet." Duo said. He wasn't trying to be rude to her or anything, but she was acting like she had never heard about people that were into kids and not in a good way. Where did she live and what color was the sky there? Could he spend his next vacation there? "You got to be normal. Deal with normal things. When you were worrying about going to the prom with a guy or whatever, I was killing people at the same age. So don't act like everyone was supposed to grow up with a white picket fence house, because not everyone can. Which is why I'm wandering around your office and telling you all this personal shit, because I didn't. What did you do when you're not here?"

"I am a school counselor. I work with troubled teens a lot. Children that had problems at home or school. Children of Federation officers and diplomats."

"How the fuck did I end up with you?" Duo almost shouted. A school counselor. He'd had problems with one or two of them when they were doing the school circuit. They didn't like his attitude problems, his fooling around. They thought he should be more serious. Duh, he was serious when he had to be, it was a relief to pretend to be normal, so he was happy about that, he goofed around. And he didn't expect to survive the war, why study.

Mina blushed. "I asked for you. I don't think that...."

"You didn't think what?' Duo asked in a cold tone. "That a kid would have that serious a problem? I spent two years of my life killing people. Destroying lives, lying about who I was, what I was doing. Or am I a change of pace? Something that you can get a paper or two out of while you poke at the inner workings of a psycho, instead of listening to a bunch of pampered kids complain that Daddy doesn't understand their need to express themselves by dyeing their hair puce."

"Why do you call yourself a psycho?" Mina asked. Duo had to admire the woman's nerve. She wilted a little at his rant, but bounced back. She was a pro, he had to hand her that.

"I don't know?" Duo answered, trying not to be sarcastic. "I just told you I killed people. And not just in battle. I can cold bloodedly plan an assassination, given less then an hour's notice and the scantiest of details. I have had to walk up behind people while they were eating and blow their brains all over their dinner companion. I spent three wonderful hours screwing around with a guy and then poisoned him. And promised a repeat performance if he was interested in fooling around some more. The poison that I gave him wasn't fast acting, it was supposed to be inert until another one was added. I just was supposed to keep him occupied until I had to finish the job. Might have been the next time I visited, might have been months or never. So tell me Mina, am I a psycho?"

"I don't know." she said quietly. "I'm sorry. I can't tell you that now. you have to decide that for yourself."

"Actually that's not the problem that I'm here for." Duo said, annoyed. "Think you're up to getting me back to being a functioning member of society? That's what I'm here for, because about the only people in my life that give a shit about me are worried and I don't want them to worry."

"You have to do that for yourself, not for them." Dr. Harker said automatically.

"It's for me too, but mostly for them. If it was just for me, I'd still be in the woods living like a hermit. But now I got responsibilities, people that need me and I need to function for them, not live in the woods, no matter how much I want to go back there." Duo said. "I got to stop the flashbacks and the nightmares, are you up to the crap I'm going to tell you or do you want to go back to the nice picket fence world that you come from and I'll go to someone else?"

"I can try and help you." she said. "But it might take years."

"It took years to get me like this," Duo said tiredly, "I'll understand if it takes years to undo the mess."

"Then...I think I can help." Mina said confidently.

"You don't have an agenda that I don't know about, that is gonna bite me on the ass. I didn't accidentally kill someone close to you and you gonna spend years fucking with what's left of my mind?" Duo asked, wondering why it was going so easily, it couldn't be this easy.

"Why are you so suspicious?" Mina asked.

"I had a suspicious life." Duo answered. "You want to know how I meet the people I'm living with?"

"That would be interesting," she said. "You can tell me anything. That's why you come here. To talk out your problems and get help. I..."

"...am so sheltered that I can't understand you." Duo finished for her. "I'm torn between envy and wonder that people like you exist. I know you do, I was living near this little town for the past year. Relena went to visit me and she was just, confused, it was like the war never happened. I liked it because of that. The place I was living in I bought before the war ended, through shadow accounts. It had good memories for me."

"Shadow accounts?" Mina asked.

Duo grinned at her. She noticed that it didn't reach his eyes, it was more a reflex action then anything. "Not going there. But I meet Relena soon after I came to Earth. I stopped Heero from shooting her, because he thought she had seen too much. She spent the rest of the war trying to get him to finish the job. She had some problems too. Une...I was sleepin' with her superior officer. We almost shot each other before we agreed to get along. He was the guy that I poisoned, after I'd been with him." Duo fell silent, smiling at the memories, his eyes softening with some sort of emotion for the first time since Mina had walked in the room. "He knew that I was there on orders. He figured out that something happened our first night, because he was sick the next day. But...I goofed really early with that one, I stopped treating him like an assignment and treated him like a person."

"And why did you do that?" Mina asked automatically.

Duo laughed. "I don't know, really. A number of reasons. T-chan...he was nice to me. He was going through his own problems and he wakes up with a total stranger in bed, who starts doing stuff to him. He...I don't know, he let me do what I came to do, which was to screw him silly. I'm not explaining the logic behind that order from my controller, because I don't want to talk about that yet. T-chan also knew that I was there on orders, I was honest with him about that. I wasn't gonna go with the stupid story that they gave me. But, after I left, I started feeling bad, I used him. I had been used all my life it seemed and when I did it to another person I didn't like it. I sent him flowers and a thank you note."

"Let me get this straight, you crawled into bed with an enemy officer. From what I know of Lady Une, it was Treize Khushrenada, the enemy general, on orders from your own people." Mina started in a confused tone. Perky and cheery had gone from her tone as she listened to Duo, total confusion had replaced them. "And after you had sex with him, you told him you were there on orders and then poisoned him. Afterwards, you sent him flowers and a thank you note."

"Got it down in one." Duo replied, "It was a strange time. Heero just showed up from being dead and we, the pilots started to hit OZ hard. Things were starting to move fast, things were odd all around. And...I mentioned before that everyone else had hooked up. If I hadn't of kept T-chan happy, one of them would have been in there instead. I didn't want that. They were good guys, they never had to do what I did to survive, so I didn't want them to feel cheap and used. But I wasn't much of a sacrifice on my part. T-chan was nice to me. I was lonely and he..." Duo fell silent and hugged himself. "It hurts that he's gone. I feel that it's my fault, like the rest of them were. Solo and the gang because I couldn't steal the vaccine fast enough. Sister Helen and Father Maxwell, because I was too good at fixing stuff, being handy. So they died caught between the Feds and the rebels. T-chan, because like the rest I loved him. everyone that I ever loved has died on me. I know that's part of life, but they always leave you." Duo started rocking back and forth, still hugging himself.

Mina looked at him, wondering what to do next when Duo roused himself from his thoughts. "Do you mind if we stop now?" he asked. "I don't want to talk about it anymore, today."

"That's fine Duo, I'm here for you." She replied quietly. "If you don't' want to talk about it anymore today, you don't have to."

"Do you want me back?" he asked in a soft tone.

Mina shook her head, "The question that should be asked is, do you want to come back?"

Duo was silent again, "Yeah, because I have to get better. And you seem to be nice. I have to learn to tell this to someone, because keeping it inside isn't helping."

"Then I'll see you next week, same time." Mina replied, going back into cheerleader mode.

Internally, she was quaking. It had been kids like Duo that made her stick to the private school kids, she had done her time in the clinics in the city when she was younger and more hopeful. The parade of broken kids had broken her and she retreated to here. Hopefully she could help Duo, he was going to be the challenge of her career. He did have a lot of things going for him, people that cared about him. Knowing that he did need help and was willing to work on it. With time, he might be healed.


End file.
